So apparently studies show that a primary cause of marital stress is a couple’s inability to communicate. I’m not sure how much money was spent on this assuredly award-winning conclusion (which in no way threatens the first-place position of the red-wine-is-good-for-your-health study team, who takes home the gold EVERY YEAR, but it could come in second, especially if the could-you-win-the-lottery-and-still-be-happy research people drop out), but at our castle of wedded bliss, communication is clearly not an issue…
Me: Does this bra make my boobs look perkier?
Kenny: Perkier than what?
Me: Perkier than BEFORE.
Kenny: Before what?
Me: This is not a trick question. Yes or no.
Kenny: Yes. No. Maybe. I don’t think you should worry about it. You’re 56. You look like you’re supposed to look. And I think you look great no matter what your boobs look like.
Me: What a horrible, mean thing to say!!
Kenny (looking up): Dear Lord, the next time you create a woman, include cue cards.
AND LATER THAT SAME DAY…
Me: Are you working tomorrow?
Kenny: No. I’m working on the house renovations.
Me: But we’ve got bills to pay, you know. What about the day after?
Kenny: Yep. At the job site all day.
Me: But the house is so torn up, and there’s so much left to do. What about the weekend?
Kenny: Fine. Saturday on the job site, Sunday on the house.
Me: We never spend any time together anymore.
Kenny (mumbling down the hall): Not a jury in the world would convict me…
I HEARD THAT.
And there you go. Who says married couples can’t communicate?? So keep your grant money, research people, and use it to find a way to make chocolate-flavored celery. Now THAT would change the world.