Chin Hairs & Back Fat
Somewhere Between Tweezers, Yoga Pants & a Box of Wine
“She did it again! Vikki Claflin’s latest is a laugh-out-loud, snort-soda (ok, wine)-up-your-nose read. If you’ve been thinking, I’m 60, how the hell did that happen?, this is the book you need. Vikki speaks Sarcasm — my favorite language. “Maybe 60 is finally time to embrace the journey,” she says, and proceeds to do just that with hysterical listicles and hilarious, heartfelt advice. Irreverent, funny, and frank, Vikki writes like Erma Bombeck — with a razor-sharp edge.” Liane Kupferberg Carter, Author, Ketchup Is My Favorite Vegetable: A Family Grows Up With Autism
Best-selling author Vikki Claflin nails it with Chin Hairs & Back Fat, her new compilation of hilarious and relatable essays on aging (almost) gracefully in a youth-obsessed society. Claflin tackles the issues of life after 50 with irreverent advice on love, marriage, and sex, and laugh-out-loud personal anecdotes and musings about aging, BFFs, and fashion after a certain age. Together with a booty-load of how-to lists on navigating the fine line between trying to stay young (often deeming us vain and shallow), or thinking “Screw it. I’m going to age naturally” (also known as “letting yourself go”), Claflin delivers it all with her trademark wit that made Who Left the Cork Out of My Lunch? an international best-seller. Vikki Claflin is every woman whose been there. She’s us. She’s you.
Chapter titles include:
You Shouldn’t Have. Really, You Shouldn’t. The Husband’s Guide to Valentine’s Day
My Scale Mocks Me. She Needs to Die
Empty Nest. First You Cry. Then You Laugh
From Cougar to Crazy Cat Lady. Has it Happened to You?
Sex. The Good, the Bad, and the What the Hell Were We Thinking?
Forget Frumpy. These Things Make You Look Fat
If Women Ruled the World
Who Left the Cork Out of My Lunch?
Middle Age, Modern Marriage & Other Complications
I will forever remember the morning I woke up, looked in the mirror, and saw my head on an old woman’s body.
That woman had boobs like beagle ears, ripples in her thighs, and a butt that jiggled with every step. I was still reasonably fit and in pretty good shape. Wasn’t I?
How did this happen??
Aging in a society that worships youth is hard. The good news? The best medicine is easy, and you don’t need a prescription. It’s laughter. Yes, midlife can be tough. It can also be hilarious. I can show you why.
If you’ve ever looked in the mirror and thought “How did my mother get into my bathroom?” or gone through years of night sweats and seismic mood swings, leaving you with a metabolism that forces you to choose between wine and carbs (you haven’t had a bagel in 8 years), then you will love this book.
If you ever made a regrettable hairstyle choice, or finally conceded that thongs make you feel like a Weeble wrapped in dental floss, or wished your Hubs would learn that grabbing your boobs every time you walk by is not foreplay, then you will love this book.
Who Left the Cork Out of My Lunch? is chock-full of funny and informative how-to lists, hilarious advice columns, and sharp personal anecdotes that cover the ups and downs of menopause, empty nest syndrome, grandchildren, sex, marriage, age-appropriate fashion, cosmetic intervention, diet fails, beauty tips from Mom, and confidence after 50. This book is a merry romp through midlife, chock full of laughter and advice on how to let go of our youth and start rocking our middle age.
- The Big Girl Panties Society, Rules for Membership
- Good Morning, Mom. Now for the Love of God, Put Some Clothes On
- I Auditioned to be a Spanx Model. It’s Been Six Months and They Haven’t Called
- “You Said What??” 26 Things Your Wife Never Wants to Hear
Shake, Rattle & Roll With It
Living & Laughing with Parkinson’s
As many as one million Americans live with Parkinson’s disease, which is more than the number of people diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, muscular dystrophy, and Lou Gehrig’s disease combined. As of today, medical science has yet to find the cause or the cure.
After many dark days spent coming to terms with my diagnosis, my natural goofy optimism and irreverence began to resurface and I started writing about the funny side of living with Parkinson’s.
Described as “Erma Bombeck meets Michael J. Fox,” Shake, Rattle & Roll With It: Living & Laughing with Parkinson’s is a collection of my honest, often humorous – and sometimes poignant – essays about the ups and downs of life with a chronic illness. Whether you have Parkinson’s or you care for someone who does, I can show you how to laugh about it by first laughing at me. as I freely offer up my most embarrassing moments for your amusement. Because with laughter, there’s hope. And hope is everything.
- Today, I Came Out on My Blog (No, It’s Not What You Think)
- Date Night. This isn’t How I Remember It
- I Gave Hubs a Pole Dance, and He Can’t Stop Laughing. It’s Been Two Days
- I’m Bringing Sexy Back. This May Take a While
- But You Should See Me Parallel Park
Vikki is an international best-selling author, humor blogger, and inspirational public speaker. She lives in Hood River, OR, where she writes the award-winning humor blog Laugh Lines: Humorous thoughts and advice on how to live young when you’re…well…not, doling out irreverent advice on marriage, humorous how-to lists galore, and sharing her most embarrassing midlife moments. She shows us how to master midlife with a little common sense and a lot of laughter.
Vikki has been featured on the Michael J. Fox Foundation website, Erma Bombeck’s Writer’s Workshop, The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, Midlife Boulevard, Better After 50, The Next Act for Women, and Funny Times Magazine. She also received a BlogHer14 “Voices of the Year” Humor award.
You can find more of Vikki’s writing at https://laugh-lines.net