Aging in our society can be tough. Especially if you’re a woman. With 14-year-old models on the cover of Vogue, it’s generally well recognized that our culture is disinclined to promote confidence in women over 50. Beauty in America is largely defined by youth. Firm thighs, perky (preferably large) breasts, toned underarms, and smooth skin from head to toe. If you were gifted with long blonde hair and legs like a giraffe, you don’t even have to be intelligent. By the time we get to 50, 60, or beyond, it gets harder and harder to feel good about ourselves or our bodies.
But every now and then, we come across a 50+ woman who seems to be genuinely confident about herself. She’s often not even what we’ve been taught is traditionally beautiful, yet she radiates a certain something that makes her seem so. Upon closer inspection, she’s got lines around her eyes, her legs are short, her boobs have obviously tangled with gravity, and is that cellulite on her thighs?? How is it that she’s got everyone talking about how gorgeous she is?
Glad you asked.
Personality studies have reported that one of the most important traits in confident women is that they don’t look to outside sources to validate their fabulousness. They instill it in themselves. They have lists of easy tips and habits that they’re overwhelmingly delighted to share. They aren’t threatened by the rest of us. The prevailing attitude is “C’mon in. The water’s fine.” I love these women.
- Just once, get your photo taken by a Photoshop pro. Photoshop can lighten, tighten, and reconfigure every part of your body. (Do you really think those fashion models look like that in real life?) It can smooth the skin, eliminate facial lines, narrow the waist, perk up your boobs, and even make your legs look longer. Put that photo up on Facebook. Use it as your profile picture on all of your social media sites. Send a framed copy to your mother, your best friend, and your ex (take that, jackass).
- Surround yourself with positive, happy people who love you and tell you how amazing you are. “Oh, you shaved your head during that last stint in rehab? You look gorgeous!” “You’re quitting your job at the law firm to build yurts? What a great idea!” These are the people who make us feel instantly better about ourselves. We like these people. Invite them over. A lot. And give them wine.
- Dump everyone else. Critical, judgmental, snarky people who constantly belittle you or demean your achievements, and generally make you feel like crap after five minutes in the same room together. It doesn’t matter if you two were college roommates in 1980, or you were the maid of honor at her wedding 24 years ago, or even if you share DNA. “You’re going to screw this up. You always do.” “Aren’t you a little old to take that risk?” “Oh, you self-published your book? Couldn’t find a real publisher, huh?” These kinds of comments can smithereen your confidence, because obviously you’re stupid and your ideas are stupid, and you just need to sit in the corner with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s until you get realistic about your shortcomings. Oh hell, no. Get rid of these people. Do it today.
- Throw out your bathroom scale. Starting every day stepping on your scale, looking down and announcing “Yep, I’m still fat,” is virtually guaranteed to make you feel ugly or unworthy for the rest of the day. This one is so important, if you want to stop reading and go do it now, we’ll wait.
- If you can’t bring yourself to toss it, set it back 3-5 pounds. Trust me, this works. In a couple of weeks, you’ll forget that it’s light, but you’ll be five pounds nicer to yourself.
- Say something positive to yourself in the mirror every morning. Positive self-talk or affirmations have been around for decades because they work. The brain believes what it’s been told. Go goofy here. Nobody will hear it but you. “Damn, I’m sexy.” “Good morning, Gorgeous!” “I’ve got me a fabulous boo-tay!” Whatever makes you laugh. Do this for 21 straight days, and I promise, you’ll be rocking your rebel self all day long. (No weight loss or Botox required.)
- Cancel your subscriptions to magazines geared toward girls significantly younger than you. You know, the ones that feature genetically anorexic, Photoshopped child models who’ve never reproduced or eaten a cheeseburger, modeling clothes we couldn’t get into if we soaped ourselves up first. If we’re going to compare ourselves to other women, let’s at least give ourselves a fighting chance by picking women in our own age bracket.
- Laugh. As much as you can. You can’t feel bad about yourself when you’re laughing. It’s not possible. Besides, you’re a lot more fun to be around when you’re happy, which attracts all of your positive, happy friends (see #2). So laugh. Do it often. And learn to laugh at yourself. Most of us will never run out of material.
- Stand up straight. This is a small, but empowering change you can make right now. Slouching pushes out the tummy, shortens our torso, and droops our boobs down closer to our navels. It says “Don’t notice me. Just pretend I’m not here.” There’s something about shoulders back, head up, and boobs forward that makes you feel like “I got this.”
- Find the best candid picture of you ever taken. Put it where you can see it regularly. Tape a copy to your bathroom mirror. That’s how your positive, happy friends see you. To us, you’re beautiful.
- Put it in perspective. I’ve never heard anyone say at a funeral, “Agnes was such a wonderful person, and we all loved her. But none of us could figure out why she couldn’t bang off those last 15 pounds.” People. Don’t. Care. If you care, do something about it. If you don’t, don’t. It truly only matters to you. The positive people in your life love you in any shape or form you come in, because you’re…well, you.
Hi Vikki! All of these points are very true and SMART! I do my best to not only follow them on a regular basis but I try to hang out with women who do the same. Life is too short to keep trying to be someone you aren’t anymore (like 16, or 25 or 37 or?) Far better to laugh and have fun at our age and enjoy the journey. Thanks for these great reminders. ~Kathy
You’re welcome, Kathy! We all need reminders now and then. When I find myself feeling down, I try to check in on who I’m hanging out with and how I feel when I go home. There are so many wonderful, positive people out there, who are so much fun. Much better place to be! :)
The last point really made me laugh. It’s so true….people love you for who you are, not the number on the scale! jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
Thanks, Jodie! I agree, WHY do we get so caught up in the difference between size 10 and size 12? There’s just got to be more important things in the world! :)
Very sage advice! Of course you are a genius because you are way too young to give such sage council! I did #3, but it took me going through cancer to pull the trigger on that one. I recommend not waiting for a life threatening diagnosis to weed out the negative nellies , bad apples, vampire friends or assholes in your life.
Thank you, Haralee! And this is exactly why I love you. You’re one of those positive, happy people that continue to make me feel great whenever you comment on my posts! :)
Love this Vikki! Definitely a great one for all the BA50 women!
Thanks, Ronna! I’m always happy when I get a nod from BA50. My favorite group of women! :)
Love these! I’m a huge fan of # 2,3,6,7 and 8!!
Thanks, Jennifer! I love that you itemized your favorites! :)
Great advice…I often find myself slouched over when walking. I try to remember to straighten up, but I think gravity and years of gymnastics when young are now taking a toll on my posture.
MerCyn, that’s a tough one for me too! I have to be conscious of my posture much more than I was at a…ahem, younger age. :)
Vikki,
This is fabulous advice! I always said “Love in yourself and others will too”. Doesn’t beauty start on the inside? I think so. A confident woman exudes beauty until they hit the egotistical phase. ;)
Passing this along. All women need to read this.
Thank you, Bren! I agree, there’s a fine line between confident and arrogant. I think sometimes we’re afraid to BE confident because we don’t want to look conceited or arrogant. It takes practice! :)
You nailed it once again, Vikki! Life’s just too friggin’ short to worry about other people judging us based on the size of our booty or the number on the scale. As Popeye said, “I yam what I yam.” There’s nothing like being accepted and loved for simply that.
Thanks, Roxanne! I loved Popeye, Olive Oyl, and the gang. “I yam what I yam!” :)
Confidence changes everything!
Anna, yes it certainly does! Why do we find it so hard to come by? :)
I LOVE! This! Every single one is right on.
xob
Thanks, Barbara! Now, to follow my own advice… :)
I keep thinking I’ll try that 1, but then I remember I’m good with where I am.
That’s great to hear, Jennifer! I think you’re one of those women we see and think, “She’s strong and confident. I wonder if she’ll mind if I ask her for advice?” Don’t be surprised if we find you! :)
Great ideas, I’m always looking for ways to build my confidence.
Thanks, Rena! We can all help each other, right? :)
Wow, my attitude for sure. I am 78 and with the help of a good facial routine I am always smiling cause I know I look good. Staying busy but doing nothing when I feel like it is wonderful. I loved all your idea. Standing up straight is a biggie. Suck in your gut and tuck in your butt. My motto.
Peggy, “Suck in your gut and tuck in your butt.” LOVE THIS. That should be a bumper sticker! :)
Awesome as usual!
Thanks, Pamela!!
Wonderfully wise words for building confident women of all ages!
Thank you, Laori! Sometimes we all need a gentle reminder that we’re fabulous! :)
Spot on! :-)
Thanks, Lynne!
I loved this. Maybe older women who complain they’re invisible go around with drooping shoulders and defeated demeanors. They’re invisible not because of their age, but because of their attitudes. They believe all the hype, which is never a good thing. Well done.
Thank you, Laurie! It’s hard not to believe what you read and hear every single day. But if we all work together, we can raise awareness. Photoshop is NOT REAL. :)
Vikki,
You have such a positive and humorous way of attacking things that can make us feel old, unappreciated or out of style. T
hank you for keeping the reality in life!
You’re welcome, Nora! I agree, just because you turn 50, doesn’t mean your life is over or that you’re dated and irrelevant. We have SO much more butt to kick! :)
And there you have it. Laugh and make yourself happy. It sounds so easy…and oh my, it actually is when you stop judging YOURSELF! Thanks, Vikki!
You’re welcome, Cathy! It really is easy, but not “natural,” since we’re taught from early childhood that “pretty” is the most important thing to be. Maybe we can teach our daughters to be strong and independent instead! :)
I adored all of this! I set my watches and clocks ahead so I will be ahead of schedule. So now (if I understand this correctly) setting my scale back will make me arrive early AND underweight? If only…..
Too funny, Stephanie! But yes, set your scale back and your clocks ahead, and you’ll have nailed it! :)
Wise words, Vikki.
And you know what? Men over the age of 50 often prefer a fleshy wobble, a boob droop, a rotund buttock – stop it, I’m getting myself going! – to the plastic, artificial, sculpted figures you often see on the front of magazines. Honest!
Great Advice!!! Love the picture!