Several years ago, Diane Keaton starred in a romantic comedy called “Baby Boom.”
In one early scene, she and Hubs were sitting in bed together, side by side and both reading, with the bedside clock showing 11 p.m. Diane looks over at Hubs and asks, “Do you want to have sex?” “Sure,” he replies. The next scene shows the two of them exactly like they were earlier, but both wearing smiles and the clock showing 11:03.
This scene cracks me up every time, and I love how it captures middle-age sex. Not because it only took three minutes, which was hilarious (Where do we think the word “quickie” came from?), but because they were both smiling and obviously satisfied with their recent adult play date. One of the best things about middle-age sex is the freedom and confidence to have it the way you want it.
If you think back to your 20s and 30s, reliving epic prank stories from your college days, sentimental memories of your wedding, and endless tales about raising your uber-amazing offspring, you’ll probably also remember personal insecurities, financial struggles, new babies and months of sleep deprivation, and career anxieties (honestly, would you be 25 again??), none of which lends itself to freestyle sex on demand, despite the enthusiasm and willingness of youth.
But by the time we’re in our 50s and beyond, our kids are grown and out the door, our careers are established, we’re reasonably financially stable, and life isn’t such a struggle. Simply put, we’re more relaxed about most things and sex is often more fun.
On that note, I’ve compiled my personal list of the 12 Reasons Sex is Better After 50. (Anything I’ve missed? Add yours in the Comments section!)
1. No one expects thongs and thigh-highs under everything you wear. TV starlets are invariably wearing tiny lace bras with matching thongs and thigh-high stockings under everything from yoga pants to suits. Who goes to work like that?? If we choose to bust out the lacy dental floss, we can change into it when the time is right. We don’t need to be “alert and always prepared” like trampy Girl Scouts at summer camp.
2. We can finally put 4″ stilettos where they belong. In the bedroom. And we’re putting them on in bed, because limping to the bedroom, yelling “Ouch, ouch, ouch” is not foreplay.
3. We no longer have to invent sudden migraines or imaginary menstrual cramps if we’re not in the mood. Some days, we’d rather watch a movie in our one-size-fits-all, pink leopard print Snuggie (don’t judge), preferably on separate couches. No explanations necessary.
4. We worry less about having a perfect body. Yep, boobs are swaying like palm fronds in a tropical windstorm and cellulite makes our thighs look like 5-pound bags of rice , but he hasn’t seen the 6-pack abs of his youth for at least two decades. Ain’t nobody pointing any fingers. So WTH, turn the lights back on and have fun.
5. The journey becomes as important as the destination. ‘Nuf said.
6. We can’t get pregnant. Let’s face it. In our fertile years, no birth control (abstinence excluded) is 100% guaranteed, so that possibility, however slim, hovers over every late night booty call. There’s a fabulous freedom in knowing there’s not even the tiniest chance that today’s hay romp will result in 427,000 repetitive choruses of Little Bunny Foo Foo over the next several years.
7. Nobody has to ask “Was it good for you?” By this age, we can pretty much figure that out without asking. And if you don’t know what to look for, you weren’t paying attention in your earlier years (which, ironically, pretty much answers the question).
8. We can leave the Kama Sutra to the young. Most of those positions are stupid and/or impossible unless you’re both 12-year-old Romanian gymnasts. Variety can be fun, but pulled hamstrings and strained backs (usually accompanied by shouts of “Get off, get off!”) tend to kill the mood faster than a drunken phone call from your ex. We recognize our limitations and leave the Indian Headstand to the young. They’re more bendy, and they heal faster.
9. We can have sex in any room of the house. The kids are gone. As in “not home now, not coming home later, and we’ve turned his bedroom into an office” type gone. We don’t have to lock any doors or stay in the bedroom. If we have neighbors, we may (or may not…you showboats) close the blinds, but other than that, we get to explore the house from a whole different perspective.
10. We learn to work around small distractions. The dog scratching at the door and whining to get in to see what Daddy is doing to Mommy? Don’t even hear it. And if Fido somehow manages to get in and tries to stare us down in the act? What the hell. We carry on.
11. We tend to go to bed earlier, which also means earlier sex. After years of youthful and often alcohol-induced “Oh my God, it’s 2 a.m. and I’ve got to work tomorrow” sex, we’ve discovered that 8 p.m. and sober is great too. Who knew?
12. We’ve discovered that laughter during sex can be a good thing. Got a foot cramp? A touch of gastrointestinal distress? Fell off the bed trying something new? Admit it, people. Sex can be funny. So unless you’re staring at your partner’s junk while doubled over in uncontrolled merriment (virtually guaranteeing no sex with that person again ever), spontaneous, joyful laughter can be the most erotic sound in the world.
So to our children, who think they invented great sex (or any sex, for that matter), and our grandchildren, who will believe the same thing in 20 or so years, carry on with your randy selves. Some day you’ll be our age, and then the sex will really be great.
I love this post!
I haven’t hit my 50’s yet, but I’m looking forward to it.
#12 is honestly one of my favorite things. Bring on the laughter and fun.
This had me giggling—a lot. It is all very true for us and so well written. Thanks for the early morning giggles.
LOVED Baby Boom! And this post applies to us late 30 year olds too…well most of it at least!
Love it! I’m a big fan of sex after 50 and will be rooting for sex after 60 next year!
Love this post. My sweetie thinks my oldest winter nightgown is the sexiest thing I own. The fabric has worn so thin that it’s sheer.
Oh Vikki! You absolutely nailed it! (Excuse the pun.) I’m in the 50s club and couldn’t agree more with your 12 hysterical yet truthful reasons why sex is better after 50! This was the 1st post I read this morning and like Beth (comment above), had me giggling through all 12 reasons. Also had me experiencing flashbacks to “episodes” & situations here at home which are examples of each of the 12 reasons – which only made me laugh even more! Thank you! Thank you! What a great way to start my day!
Hilarious, and oh so very true. And if you really miss the thrill of might-get-caught-in-the-act sex, now that the offspring are gone, you can do it in public somewhere.
Love the truth behind the funny here. A great way to look at the bright side!
I love that scene too! That whole movie. Sam Shepard, anyone? I’m 48 on the cusp of 49 and much of this is true for me. (Still have kids in the house, so the sex anywhere part would cause major trauma. lol) Loved #2. haha!
Probably the best and most honest “sex article” ever written!
Laughing so hard. Haven’t hit my 50s yet and the dog is already staring us down! I can see some definite benefits here…no way we’re having sex anywhere yet with three kids still in the house. LOL
LOVE this! Mid-40s here and married almost 22 years, no kids. All of those are true! Especially the laughter. Somehow that rounds out the festivities and makes it all even better. And all those years of hearing that you aren’t supposed to wear socks to bed? Uh uh. My husband loves it when I do that. That’s sexy to him. No dental floss needed!
Okay, so I’m FAR too young for this post, but I spontaneously, joyfully laughed out loud when you wrote about falling off the bed trying something new :D
Hilarious, as always, and so true. Thanks for he LOL, Vikki!
I’m with you on this one, Vikki. Mrs Jones and I are mid-50s. Sex is less frequent, but the quality is much better!
I’m not judging. I have a one-size-fits-all, pink leopard print Snuggie too. Funny post.
This post was funny but so true!! I wouldn’t trade it for anything:)
So funny…so true. Well put.
Loved everyone of the 12! Laughed like a schoolgirl! We are in our 70’s but the love is still there. thanks for the laughs.
An enthusiastic YES to Number 2.
Need I say more?
I’ve got 2 years to 50 and 10 years before my last chicken leaves the nest but I can totally relate to so much of what you say here. Plus, you always crack me up! Great idea about putting the 4 inch heels on IN bed!!! You are a genius!! LOL!
This was wonderful, funny, and TRUE! Loved it!
I love this! #8 cracked me up!
Is it sad that I am only 33 and several of these already apply to me and my 46 year old husband? I mean, sex is funny, we don’t care about our bodies, no one but us and the pets live in our apartment, and wearing sexy lingerie just isn’t my thing (and hubby is okay with it!). Kama Sutra? Forget it. LOL
Ain’t always toe-curling amazing but hey, it’s still enjoyable and that’s all that matters to me.
Love it! I’m 56, married 34 years and you nailed it, so to speak!
Heart this list BIG! Laughed out loud more than once cuz it’s so true….even if you’re 7 years shy of 50! I’m most grateful for #3 and 4! Hell yeah.
This has to be the funniest post I have ever read. It is so true. Sex later in life is seriously the best thing ever! Who knew.
(By the way – I’m sitting at the hairdresser while reading this post and everyone is staring at me as I am laughing so loudly)
In that case I can’t wait for it! LMAO
I can’t wait for #11! We have trouble staying up later than the kids. Sex at 8 pm sounds divine. I can totally relate to all the others, Vicki, even a decade earlier.
Love it. Almost 58 an single. And have at least 4 more years of a child at home. What was I thinking. She screens anyone who get close to me. An most she says I don’t think so Mom. I have learn from her. Trust her. opinions of Men. I like being single. Maybe someday that forever LOVE will find me. An Scarlett will approve. So sex isn’t everything for me. But it would be nice. LOL.
Good to know I have something to look forward too! We’re stuck in that middle section where kids, work, and life in general suck the energy right out of us. By the time 9:00 rolls around and we tuck in the little darlings we’re totally spent. Just last night I was thinking, hmmm, maybe we should fool around. Then I proceeded to roll over and fall asleep. Because that’s what I need right now and lots of it. The sex can just wait sometimes.
Wow, this is a popular post! I had to keep scrolling down to leave a comment. Good for you. I love my 50’s but I have to say I physically felt my best in my late 40’s. I was widowed and started dating again and was having all the sex I wanted. It was great. Now I’ve been with one guy for 6 years now and it’s relaxed, very fun and I send my grandkids home early!! Great post Vicki.
And, once the kids are gone, you can walk around in your birthday suit.
I absolutely loved (& laughed) this post! I am 51 and yes, I do enjoy sex at this age!
Thanks for following on Twitter, that’s how I found your blog.
Annette | Lady of Style
Ha Vicki, had me in tears as always. I’ll show this one to my younger Hubs, he’ll be glad to know what he has to look forward to :)
Yes, let’s leave the Kama Sutra to the young, shall we?
Looks like I have quite a bit to look forward to!
Hahahaha I like Number 11!
I can give this one a big HELL YES!
I really enjoyed this! I am 49, with a 13 year old and a soon to be 6 year old, but started the menopause early and suffer with various ailments, but it made be laugh out loud!
Keep up the good work!
Loved Baby Boom with Diane Keaton. Just saw her at the PA Conference for Women. Your points are too funny.
First I have to answer the question…no way, no how would I want to be 25 agian. That said, I love this post and since I’m about three years from 50 I can already relate to many of these. I like the part about laughter. Funny is definitely fun!