Those of you who know me personally or who read my column (thank you!) know that I love red wine. I love the beautiful, swirling colors, the oaky fragrance, the warmth of that first sip of a good vintage, the subtle differences between varietals, and even the sexy, long-stemmed glasses. Actually, the long-stemmed glasses are a fantasy. Kind of like a Norman Rockwell painting of the perfect, harmonious family dinner. A lovely visual, but a tad short on reality. I’m such a klutz that the household stemware collection has been exchanged, over the years, for fat-bottom tumblers and old jam jars. But the sentiment remains intact.
In my experimental years, I tried white wines (sharp and cold), tropical mixed drinks (fruit punch with a nasty kick), sophisticated martini-type drinks (extremely bitter. Who drinks these??), and hot drinks (the coffee kept me up for three days). If I don’t like it, I’m not drinking it. The point has never been to get all sloshed on whatever’s available, and do stupid things I’d regret if I could remember them the next day.
If red wine is not available, I’m the designated driver. But if there’s a great Cabernet on the menu, call a cab, because this woman is carrying a corkscrew. I do love a glass (or two…occasionally three. Don’t judge) of red wine at the end of the day, winding down and chatting with Hubs about whatever comes to mind. Over the past few decades of it being my sole drink of choice, I’ve discovered many reasons to fall in love with my red wine.
- It’s always there for you. A bad day and nobody’s home? Have a glass of wine. It’ll all be better tomorrow.
- It’s good for your heart. I love the doctor that came up with this one.
- It’s cheaper than a therapist. My therapist charges $150/hour. I can get a fabulous bottle of Old Vine Zin for $12.
- You can drink it at home in your pajama pants and bunny slippers. Of course, this works better if you’re home alone.
- Depending on your mood, you can drink it out of a beautiful glass, straight from the bottle, or out of a box. Yeah, that’s come in handy more than once.
- You can find it wherever you get your prescriptions refilled for feminine itching products. (And on the third bout of that unfortunate itch, trust me, you’ll be needing that second bottle.)
- It makes you sound sophisticated when you drop words like “legs,” “bouquet,” and “tone.” Don’t worry if you don’t know what those actually mean. Just stick them in a sentence when you hold up your glass or take a sip. Nobody else knows either.
- It makes you look classy. Well, at least for the first two glasses. After that, you’re on your own.
- It can help you bust your best dance moves. But in case that’s all the inhibitions you want to shed that night, after Ms. Summer finishes the “Last Dance,” you should have a cab waiting.
- It helps you tolerate crazy relatives. Grab a glass, with a generous pour, and find your Zen place. Preferably before Aunt Agnes arrives and asks, for the 200th time, why her gardening club in Minnesota has heard of your book.
- You can make fun words for new activities. Camping + wine = Glamping. Hiking + wine = Wiking. These are actual descriptions of activities offered in the Pacific Northwest. Personally, I’d much rather glamp than camp, and wike than hike. (Then of course, there’s banking + wine = Wanking. Bahahahaha. I crack myself up.)
- If you’re in the mood for more than one glass, find a wine tasting at your favorite wine bar. Tastings are a socially acceptable way to have 12 glasses in front of you and have no fear of judgment, because so does everybody else.
- It helps you have conversations with people who make no sense. “I have no clue what you just said. Let me go get another glass of wine” is perfectly acceptable. If the other person is really an idiot, you can get two.
- It helps you get through a six-hour family reunion without hyperventilating into a paper bag in the bathroom. (Okay, maybe that’s just me.)
- It’s the perfect gift for almost any occasion. Birthdays, anniversaries, housewarmings, and the day you spayed Boots, the family cat. Everybody loves a celebration.
- It can bring a group together like nobody’s business. Eight women at a table is fun. Eight women at a table with a fabulous bottle of Malbec is a party.
- It’s fun. Science tells us that red wine releases endorphins, the “happy hormones” that makes everything better. Kind of like running, but you don’t have to get out of your sand chair on the beach. And it just keeps getting better.
- Studies also show that two glasses per day can slow dementia, reduce depression, and increase our sex drive. It’s a wine trifecta. I’m so proud of you, my yummy little glass of Cabnernet.
- A recent study found that women who drink red wine were less likely to gain weight over a 13-year period of time. Who needs Jenny Craig?
- It gets better with age. (And gives us hope that we will too.)
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Crap :-)
As much as I’d like to disagree with you I really don’t think my beloved Diet Coke fits the bill quite as well…
You’re funny, Carla! I’m a Diet Coke lover too, but somehow it’s just not the same. :)
So happy to have you “back” with your fabulous and funny observations, Vikki! I love red wine; unfortunately, it doesn’t love me back (GERD)–so chardonnay is my favorite fragrance. And bubbly. Just one comment on your post regarding #16, however…8 women at a table with one bottle of Malbec? If you’re having a tasting, maybe…!
Thanks, Roxanne! I agree, bubbly has it’s own special place. And yes, the 8 women were just checking the vintage before they ordered their glasses! :)
Hey, I seriously actually have an Aunt Agnes in Minnesota who is in a gardening club!! How do you know her:) I’m so happy to hear about that trifecta! That made my day.
OMG, Julie, that’s hilarious! You just made mine! :)
8 women at a table with a bottle of Malbec, to me, means 4 of those women aren’t getting any wine!
Peggy, I love my tribe. You all caught me on that one! It’s true. The other four women have a fabulous Cabernet on the way. The sommelier has agreed to be on speed-dial… :)
#18 cracked me up. I think Vikki you are in a deep meaningful love affair with red wine! Why not??
Glad you liked it, Haralee! Yes, it seems I have a several great loves, including Hubs, my kids, and red wine (depending on the day, not necessarily in that order)! :)
I’m not a wine drinker, but you sure make it sound like fun! I may have to start. Glad your back missed you!
Thanks, Rena! I’m surprised how much I missed writing. But the giveaway went berserk, and I was busy opening my own UPS store. I’m glad you missed me! :)
With all the positive health qualities you would think we could get our wine purchases to count towards our health insurance deductible!!
Laura, I do like the way you think! Given that they decided not to cover visits to my Parkinson’s neurologist, I’m thinking they’re not going to go for this recent Great Idea. :)
A toast to Miz Vikiki, “Salut!” I am also a red wine lover. And I’ve even been to Napa and a few snooty wine tastings. But if any of you catch me channeling Miles from “Sideways” you have my permission to smack me in the head with a bottle of Pinot Noir.
I’m always so happy to find fellow red wine lovers, Victoria! I love snooty wine tastings. Especially because I’m so anti-snooty that I usually end up saying something that gets Hubs and I booted out and summarily crossed off the “A list” forever. But it’s always so much fun! :)
I may have to go back to drinking wine again. This list was so true!
M.E., oooh, a relapsed wine lover? I’ll buy your first glass. Welcome back to the fold! :)
Lol! Just loved this article and made me think of other good reasons to drink red wine! I like red wine too, so I decided to get involved in making it. You have to look into this. It’s great fun! And the wine is good!
Lori, I’ve never thought about making my own. Hmmm. It sounds like a blast! I wonder if I can have all the components in place before Hubs gets home… :)
“Happy Hormones!” Love that…I will be using this term the next time I’m drinking my wine. I can so relate to all of these. I’m thinking of some new activity word combos now!!
Laurie, the words are so fun to make, and when people decipher them, it’s always a laugh fest. Just another reason why wine is good! :)
I am not a wine drinker. However, I can appreciate great lists that make me laugh. Also, not trying to sneak in my blog URL, but you might like the graphic I made that compares wine and exercise. One of the those gets my mood elevated! I think you could come up with at least 5 more commonalities: http://funandfit.org/5-things-wine-and-exercise-have-in-common/
Kimberly, my mind is whirling already! Great list about wine and exercise. I may have to add some things. Can we share credit on my blog? :)
First, yes we can be friends even though I may be an amateur when it comes to wine. (Post cracked me up, though.) Ironically, I blogged today about the word amateur. I was writing about amateur writers but it is appropriate to your wine analogy too. You know “amateur” comes from “amare,” Latin for love. An amateur is one who participates in something for love instead of money. As I’ve made exactly no money drinking my favorite wines, I believe that makes me an amateur and a happy one at that!
My glass of pinot noir has helped me deal with crazy relatives more times than I can count! I love my red wine, too!
Oh honey! I raise a glass to you, in the long tradition of my Italian ancestors. Well, Sicilian, really. All good. In fact, there’s nothing that goes badly with a glass of wine!
You are hilarious! I love your list……………. #14 had me giggling until #19! When I read #19 my laughter came to a sobering halt as I think I eat more when I am drinking. I tend to lose my control….hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmbut then #20 gave me hope of being better with age. I will toast to that!
I love my wine while wearing bunny slippers!
Would you believe that I just discovered Malbec this year! My hands-down favorite so far.
I’m with you on this one. South African Merlot is one of my favourites – full bodied with a hint of plum & black cherry (goodness, I sound like such a nob!!). But I don’t restrict myself to red wine. I like white wine too. And fine cask ale. And port. And sherry. And meth … …
ROTF! Love this, LOVE you! Your commentators are even funny! This one made me spit my water across my desk at work!
“I like white wine too. And fine cask ale. And port. And sherry. And meth … …”
Bahahaha!