“Yes, Officer, I am aware that this is a school zone, but it’s completely fenced in…not like the little inmates can escape. And it’s not even recess, for God’s sake. Nary a kid in sight. Seriously, what are the odds one is running down the street unattended??
And speaking of streets, what is UP with your hiding behind the bush in old Mrs. Gorski’s driveway? So you can get up all our business without even giving us a fighting chance to ease up on the gas pedal before we’re in laser range? Not very sporting of you, big guy. Be fair and get out on the road so we can see you.
And yes, I do know that fines double in school zones. But I’m thinking you might give me a discount for wearing my seatbelt. We talked about THAT rule the LAST time you pulled me over, remember?
No, I can’t go to driving school. I’ve already been, and you guys have some stupid rule about “once every 3 years” or some such nonsense. And really, what’s THAT all about? If I’m willing to sit through 8 hours of “How many feet before the intersection should you turn on your signal?” for the SECOND TIME, it really should be an option.
You know, I didn’t want to mention this, but Sheriff Wiemaraner is a close personal friend of mine. Oh, he died last year? And he’s your great-uncle, you say? SO sorry for your loss. This isn’t going well, is it?
FINE, but I hope you know this money is coming out of my grandchildren’s college fund. Seriously? You can live with that??
Yeah, right. You have a nice day too.”
Oh no! I know it’s the law, blah blah blah. But I once got a ticket for rolling through a stop sign while I was on my way to pick up 6 drunk people. I was a DD! I was a public servant! That should count for brownie points! But alas, no. I hope your ticket wasn’t too steep and that your grandchildren can go to college. If not, though, you should have them write him a very sad letter shaming him. And draw pictures of themselves without diplomas. You know, to really seal the guilt trip.
I’ve got you beat here. I actually got a ticket for riding my bicycle on the sidewalk here in Queens NYC. I was not riding fast seeing how many children I could maim. I was riding slowly and was on the side walk because many people driving in my neighborhood seem to think the first 10 seconds of a red light is “optional” and use the “bike lanes” to pass other drivers who are going to slow (ie 80 MPH on a quiet residential street)
I was pissy and sarcastic with the officers as they ran my ID, and funnily enough they weren’t charmed by my attitude.
“Don’t you guys have any heroin dealers or child molesters to keep tabs on? This IS NYC isn’t it?”
Awesome piece, can’t wait to read more.,
Thanks, Scott! Your motorcycle on the sidewalk?? Love your style! :)
Kate, I gave my 5-yr-old his homework assignment, to draw himself as an old person living in a box. I’ll let you know how it goes after my court date! :)