My hometown of Hood River, Oregon, is a beautiful rural town of 5,000 people, nestled between the Columbia River and Mt. Hood, known for its picturesque orchard valleys, breathtaking views of snow-capped mountains, touristy boutiques, yummy wineries, and a wide range of year-round outdoor activities. Outdoor enthusiasts flock here in droves to ski, snowboard, mountain climb, wind surf, kite sail, waterski, camp, hike, cycle, run or walk, virtually 365 days a year.
While I love the beauty of our valley, I am (big surprise) not much of a nature enthusiast. My preferred downtime activities lean more towards solitude and relaxation. A massage on the beach (with a cabana boy holding my sippy cup of Cabernet) is #1 on my bucket list.
Some time ago, I was given a large, rectangular peridot that I decided to have set into a ring. Since our little town is also a bit of a mecca for bohemian artists, I quickly found an all-organic, vegan, one-with-the-earth budding jewelery designer that loved my idea of a raw, wire-bound ring, but cautioned me that oversize peridots are quite soft and it wouldn’t be advisable to wear it, say, rock climbing. Kenny cracked up and replied, “Uh, that won’t be a problem. She doesn’t do rocks.”
“Okay,” said Matt, “but I wouldn’t wear it windsurfing either.” I explained to young grasshopper that I’m also not inclined towards sports that require outfits worn by Halle Berry in Batman. On her, it was hot. On me, it’s a giant failed body girdle.
At this point, Kenny was standing back looking merrily amused, while Matt was beginning to look at me like I was a science experiment, as he searched for something I DO do.
“Mountain biking?” “Uh-uh. This entire valley is on a 45 degree incline. I only ride down the hill.”
“Snowboarding?” “Nope. If it’s cold enough to snow, I don’t want to be there.”
“Kite sailing?” “Are you NUTS? What goes up, must come down. ‘Nuf said.”
“Hiking??” “Boring. I grew up in this valley. I’ve seen enough flora and fauna to last a lifetime.”
“How about CAMPING?” Matt waved his arms, reaching wide for something he was sure everybody enjoyed. “Surely you like to camp??” By now, Kenny was having a marvelous time, laughing with unrestrained abandon (completely ignoring my whose-side-are-you-on glares), while I replied, dryly, “Yeah, that’s so me. Sleeping bags in the dirt, bears in your tent, freezing cold water for optional bathing, and poison oak up your privates” (don’t ask).
“Okay, then,” Matt sighed. “I’ll have your ring ready in a week. You can wear it every day. But I’m just curious. Do you do ANYTHING?” Okay, that hurt.
On the way home, I was seriously questioning my apparent lack of love for all things outdoorsy and if I truly was the loser that baby yogi’s expression certainly suggested, when I got a call from a good friend, asking if I wanted to go “wiking.” Seems several valley wineries had the genius idea of combining the local passion for the outdoors with tours of their grounds and tasting rooms. They call them “wiking tours,” which simply means “hiking through the wine country.” Well, NOW you have my attention. Evidently a few uber-marketers figured out that wine is to an adult what s’mores are to kids…a big, fat BRIBE to get you off Facebook and out into the wilderness for an entire weekend. (My second thought was that it’s the first fitness activity I’m aware of that requires a designated driver to get you home.) But what the hell, I’m IN.
And next week, when I see young Matthew, I’m telling him about “wamping.” Camping through the wine country. The Chamber of Commerce should put THAT in the Local Activities Guide. Then just watch ’em get in line. In the meantime, we’re off to somewhere called “Cabella’s.” Never been there, but Kenny says I need new boots. (And this day just keeps getting better.)
So we’ll see you back at the tent. We’re serving s’mores. And a fabulous Syrah.
You had me at Wking-sign me up! I’m with you-my idea of camping is a hotel with a door to the outside-you are hilarious?
I only “camp” in my 35 ft. motorhome complete with full bath, fridge, queen size bed, flat screen, and surround sound. Gone are the days of “roughing it.” Totally not interested. Wiking and wamping sound like my kind of fun!
Very funny!
So my kind of camping and hiking. Just add wine and so good to go!! :)
Wamping sounds good – a better form of glamping, if you ask me. Though beware – I discovered very recently that if you’re near a river whilst Being Outdoorsy and you have a booze-fuelled idea to go on a Dark Walk, just DON’T! And yes, I learned the hard way – over a 3″ ledge, fully clothed, near to 1am.
Yon Matthew sounds like the kind of eco-dude who should really be called ‘Rain’ and have his own kiln and trousers woven from hemp…
I don’t do anything, either, and have the same sorts of conversations here in outdoorsy Colorado.
I hate camping so much. I don’t understand why anyone would subject themselves to such a thing.
I’m noticing the time stamps on the comments and you certainly are an early rising crowd. I got up at 7:30 today and thought I was really accomplishing something.
I dumped camping as an activity when I dumped my ex-husband. Wiking sounds like a lot of fun, though! :-)
WAMPING! Genius! have you heard of Glamping? Glamorous Camping. With the wine and butlers! Double Genius!!
I love it! I went camping once in my life and hated it! I need running water, electricity, bug-free sleeping… But hiking through wine country ~ wonderful! Have a great time!
Count me in for wiking or wamping- sounds like my idea of outdoor fun!!
Bahaha! I wish we lived near each other. We would get along soooo well! Remind me to tell you about my last camping trip…11 years ago in August when I was pregnant. And by “camping” I mean in a little cabin. And it was still a complete disaster!!! Maybe I should write a post about it sometime. :D
I like hikes, in moderation. As for the rest, uh, NOOOO! I can’t even stay on a bike without falling off.
A hard day of wiking sounds about my speed. Topped off by a massage and hot tub, please.
lmao! Trust you to find a way to find the silver lining. Wiking! I love it.
My friend and I have been planning to do a little road/camping trip! Hell, you gave me a great idea to add some wine to the idea! LOL
There’s something about a bear doing his thing in the woods that makes me figure out I don’t need to be there. I find myself having a hard enough time avoiding dog ___ as I walk around the neighborhood. Bear ___ is something I don’t wish to step in, be close to, or find at the opening of my tent the next morning. My idea of camping out is finding a good hotel that offers cable television close to a park and enjoying a few days watching ESPN. Well done! :)
I’ve heard of glamping but not wiking. I am totally in on this one. Although next week I am going unglamorous camping, the one without running water. So I will be very envious of you!
How have I never heard of wamping. This will happen. Or I’ll at least have some friends camping,each bringing a different type of wine for tasting. ((No wine valley here, lol))
Your articles are a burst of sunshine––even on a rainy day!
Guess my only outdoor stuff fishing an taking photos. Last time I went rock climbing I look over the edge then at my dad an said I’m a little Girl not a Goat. I do like to camp out. But that’s not happening. Old age has found me. Thinking about all the things U listed makes my body say No Way. So. At this point if it a short walk I’m haveing fun. I do enjoy a good camp fire. In the back yard. As I sum up my life today the word for it would Be BORING. So I will find my book an hope the phone don’t ring.
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! I saw that boozey camper picture and shared it on my Facebook page, it’s the ONLY WAY you could get my husband to camp, or hike more than say 1 mile. That sounds like a total blast. I wish I could my sisters together for our next landmark birthdays and go WAMPING!
Thanks for coming by the blog hop.
Wiking??? Okay, I’m coming to visit. When’s the next flight?
Another gem, Vikki! My erstwhile partner from Toronto said once that “outdoor activity” meant having coffee at an outside table at the cafe. Then there’s the old joke about Jewish camping: staying at a Motel 6.
I LOVE the picture of the vintage trailer above (yours for a mere 18 grand! true! I looked them up recently) Susan
I’m with you Vikki! My idea of camping is a Best Western! ps- I’d love to see that ring! ;)
Made me laugh out loud, yet again. So funny Vikki! :D
Vikki you are hilarious! Great post. I absolutely love the concept of wiking and wamping. I’m adding those activities along with the beach massage to my bucket list. Haha!
Ah Vicki you make me laugh so. I hope the ring turns out ok, cheeky outdoorsie vegan jeweller type :) I am a real nature gal myself, love nature and the outdoors AS LONG AS THE SUN’S SHINING HA! I’ll go camping. I even do festivals, oh yeah. But … for a few days only. After that I need a hotel room or my home. My bath, my bed …
Wamping sounds like a good time! I could do without the rest, I’m with you on the “what goes up, must come down.” thing. No, thanks, haha. Thanks for linking up with the Tattler Thursday Blog Hop. (ImNoHumdrum-Mum. Co-hostess.)
I believe rednecks have a similar event called the ‘weekend.’ Only, instead of wine, there’s beer. And instead of tramping thru the local vineyards, they hang out on the front porch or the nearest lake or mudhole. ;)
We love Cabella’s. :) And you should check out “glamping.” I’ll let ya google that one. That’s MY idea of enjoying the outdoors.
Hi, I love the idea of womping. Thanks for the laughs. :)
Ahahahaha! You’re awesome. Love it!
I always love Kenny’s reactions to you. That always cracks me up.