I love Christmas. It’s without question my favorite holiday of the year. Christmas is that time of year when Laura Ingalls Wilder, Jimmy Stewart, and Norman Rockwell come together and create a beautiful backdrop for happy people strolling harmoniously through gorgeously decorated malls full of ribbons, hot egg nog, and carolers, with love in their hearts for all mankind. Young children squeal with delight on Christmas morning at whatever Santa chooses to bestow, while the adults present thoughtful, perfect gifts to beloved friends and family members at the bountiful dinner table, after thanking the Good Lord for another year together. Later, as the snow falls quietly outside, turning the yard in a winter wonderland, the family sleeps, secure in the belief of peace on earth, good will towards men.
Bahahahaha! I crack myself up.
In the real world (notwithstanding the Christmas decorations at Costco in July), Christmas really kicks off on Black Friday. Thanksgiving and Christmas have become “Thankmas,” when people get serious about shopping the Big Sales.
But interestingly, news channels report that the past few years of record sales during Black Friday weren’t due to gift buying for friends or family. They were gifts for the shopper, who’s apparently willing to line up, with thousands of other like-minded people across the country, in freezing temperatures, for hours or even days, tossing Thanksgiving dinner with the fam in the “Who cares?? Never liked those people anyway, and besides, I’m getting me a big-ass 60-inch TV for HALF PRICE” pile, waiting for the doors to open, instantly inciting a stampede not seen since the government land grabs in the 1800s.
Unfortunately, over-enthusiastic sale shopping for oneself that maxes out your credit cards four weeks before the biggest gift-giving day of the year often requires some reworking of one’s original gift list. “B” list friends and even family are now getting cards only, to free up money for costly or required “A” list gifts. Many people simply scrap the entire list altogether, telling everyone “Christmas isn’t about buying things, it’s about spending time with the people we love” (which is endearing and believable right up until they see your brand-new 60″ flat screen and realize you shot your entire gift allowance on yourself. My suggestion? Go to their house until after the holidays.)
And then there’s the children. Christmas brainwashing for weeks in advance, with toy commercials designed to whip the under-10 set into a frenzy of “Mommmmeeee, I WANT THAT,” reaches fever pitch during Thankmas. You can’t change the channel fast enough, and it won’t matter anyway. Those commercials are on every channel. All. Day. Long. Your usually well-behaved, socially acceptable offspring rapidly becomes a non-negotiating, tiny tyrant, hanging out of the shopping cart, frantically trying to latch on to everything he’s seen on TV that he just can’t live without. Your “Christmas budget”? Yeah, you’ll laugh about that. In June.
Fortunately, this year Hubs and I don’t want or need any household items and the family has decided to buy only for the children, so I get to focus my shopping dollars on our two grandchildren without fear of irreparable damage to our piggy bank. My granddaughter is two, so she’s easy to please. My grandson, however, is seven and has quite a list. I assured him Grandma and Grandpa would give each item serious thought. He smiled and replied, “Well, I think it would be easier if you just got all of them. Then you don’t have to choose.” Kid, I like your style.
Then Toys R Us announced that they decided to stay open round-the-clock and until 10 p.m. on Christmas eve, with special sales from midnight to 6 a.m. They’re kidding, right? I’m sending advance apologies to the little guy, since the only thing his Grandma plans to be doing at 3 in the morning is blissfully sleeping, snuggled under the down comforter with a Chihuahua on her head.
Last week, as I was perusing young grasshopper’s list of holiday wants, it was obvious that I was going to have to get selective or offer up my car as collateral for a bank loan. This crap is expensive. X boxes, games, sports equipment, remote control vehicles. The difference between buying for a two-year-old and buying for a seven-year-old suddenly became very clear.
I promptly called my DIL and asked, “What’s the one thing he wants most?” “The Captain America bike,” she replied without hesitation. “Done” I said.
I might have been a bit hasty.
It’s been years since my son was a wee one and I’d experienced that determined-mother-finding-her-offspring’s-heart’s-desire for Christmas, and I’d forgotten the kind of focused determination it often took to produce the chosen item, particularly when it seemed that every child on the planet had the same wish list. A dozen phone calls later, I began to realize this bike had been sold out or was on backorder in every toy store within a two-hour driving radius. I cleared my schedule, charged up my phone battery, and got to work. Grandma was on a mission.
Several hours later, I finally found a store in an eastern state I can no longer recall, where the cheery salesgirl thought she might know how to get one in. “I can’t promise, though” she giggled, “so, you know, maybe you should just get him something else.”
I DON’T THINK SO.
Ms. Happy Pants and I had a serious chat, until she was clear that she either shipped me a bike, or I shipped her a disappointed seven-year-old on Christmas morning. Her choice.
The bike is scheduled to arrive December 22. Free upgrade to expedited shipping.
Sometimes Christmas needs a little less Norman Rockwell and a little more Grandma.
Christmas when you have kids is a nightmare! Then when the grandkids came along I thought “I got this”! Boy was I way off on that one! Never expected the technology to become so advanced that I’d need a guide book to get it! So I’ve found that asking each one(14,10,10(boys),8(girl) exactly what do want from nana & papa that mom & dad won’t get you? Works every time!
Cheryl, I love that idea! “What do you want that mom and dad won’t get you?” Bahahahaha! I’m SO using that next year (and the year after that, and the year after that…) :)
Great idea – until the thing the parents won’t pay for is a car or a tattoo!
Good God! It sounds complicated. No kids here, so Christmas has always been just us. Peaceful. I do love giving gifts to others, though. I try not to judge when I get back …crap…but I’m a work in progress. LOL
I’m with you, Carol. I really do love giving gifts, but I don’t like them tied to obligatory giving to specific people at predetermined prices. I prefer a little spontaneity. It feels more “real,” with less expectations of getting anything in return. Having said that, it IS Christmas! Gifts abound! :)
I’ve been off the grid for a while Vicki but it’s always fun to come back to your posts. I LOVE Christmastime even though it is not my holiday. My son and I have started a new tradition of shopping during Black Friday – FOR HIM! Last year it was his Hanukkah present from us (a shopping spree – within reason of course) and this year he took himself on a shopping spree (so I get what you’re saying). Have a Happy and a Merry!
Thanks, Tammy! Good to see you back on Laugh Lines! I watched a couple of seasons of The O.C., and they called Christmas “Chrismukkah” to represent their two faiths. I loved the intent to reflect the actual spirit of the holiday! :)
Aw, I can’t wait to be a grandma! (Well, yes I can. My kids are 14 and 12. I can wait 10 -20 years.) But I promise, I will keep role models like you in mind. :)
LOL, Andee! You’ve got time, girl, but it’s worth the wait! :)
You are a very good grandmother. My mom makes my kids send her a link to what they want so she can just order it online and have it shipped (to be fair, they are 11 and 19). Actually setting foot out of the house to buy something for them is not on the table. With her adult kids, she just writes checks.
Cassandra, my mom does the same thing! It works for the little ones, is less stressful for mom, and the adult kids always tell her that their gift ($$) was “exactly the right size and the perfect color!” :)
all I can say is….ba humbug. Lets do wine!
I’m in, Cate! Divot’s it is!
I did ALL my family gift shopping online and it was delightful!
My 10 year old nephew has big requests – we’ve had to talk him down a bit (3 official NFL football jerseys????)
Sharon, I like to shop locally in our small town if it’s cost competitive, but online is definitely the easiest and least stressful. Bunny slippers, pajama pants, and a great glass of Cab, and I could sit at the computer for hours! :)
Love this post and going to share! The last line is my favorite. You rock!!!!
Thanks, Teresa! I’m undoubtedly a much grandma than a mom. It’s so much easier! :)
Man, you are THE grandma of all grandmas! I love your focused determination! That is one lucky 7-year-old!
And thanks for the laughs. This piece was a hilarious summary of how insanely consumer-driven society has become. I can’t imagine giving up time with family to get a good deal. … sacrificing memories together for consumerism. Great piece!
Thanks, Parri! Apparently, there were people whose families were bringing Thanksgiving dinner on paper plates so they could eat in line. Not sure if that means they’re a close family, or if they’re just nuts! :)
I love your opening paragraph – the way you set the scene – happy, beautiful Christmas time – peace, love, joy and the spirit of giving in everyone’s heart as the season begins … and then, BANG! You bring us back to reality with a great laugh. Christmas lists! Shopping! Sales! Fighting crowds and the frustration of finding out that the perfect gift you’ve decided to purchase a loved one is out of stock everywhere. Christmas is my all-time favorite season, too … and you’re absolutely right – the Norman Rockwell Christmas scenes are lovely, but they fail to portray the determination and ingenuity it takes these days to pull off a Merry Christmas for one and all. :) Love this post, Vikki! You nailed it!
Thank you, Marcia! Yeah, what happened to “I made this for you”? You know you’re getting old when you start waxing on about the good old days. I’m going to stop now! :)
So glad I’m not the only one doing it wrong! Santa ain’t got nuthin on a grandma on a mission!
I agree Kathy! Parents sometimes have to disappoint their wee ones, but grandmas ALWAYS get it done! :)
You mean I am not on your list? What the ^#($(? ??? For the record, my money is on green for grandma. That bike better ride your grandson to a great life
Kymberly, I remember the days of long Christmas lists, buying for everyone we loved. We also paid the bills off in July. It’s tough getting old and responsible. I love shopping! :)
Yeah, I’m pretty lucky that my godson thinks the sun shines out of my ass. Not only has he decided to love everything I love (games, Doctor Who), he also loves anything I give him. Because this bitch doesn’t have hundreds of dollars to spend.
You crack me up, Chrissy! I don’t know what else to say! Bahahahaha!!
Because I too like to shop small independent shops I almost had to arm wrestle another woman for the last etch a sketch in the sore. Who knew it was a come back success story toy, not me until the day!
Haralee, I’m sitting at my computer laughing out loud, visualizing you arm-wrestling some blue-haired, little old lady for an Etch-a-Sketch! Are those back? I LOVED Etch-a-Sketch! :)
I’m in the sweet spot right now – my kids don’t want much and they are too old for the toys that are in low supply and high demand. So,now you are telling me that I have this to look forward to as a grandma? Oy vey.
Yes, Dana, this is your future! I suggest you get a mattress to start stashing away grandchild money. We’re the biggest pushovers on the planet! :)
With 20 grandkids and 7 greats – number 8 on the way in January, there’s no way I can bankroll gifts for all of them and then do birthdays too. So – we have chosen to do the birthdays. They get lots of gifts at Christmas from parents, aunts, uncles, siblings – our small gift would be just one of many and probably not really appreciated. Instead, we buy birthdays gifts – that way the budget is stretched out over the year – and they enjoy getting something on a day when they are not buried in presents from others. Means I can just enjoy the Christmas season without worrying about the gifts/the crowds in the store. Just call me Grandma Scrooge at Christmas!
Barbara, what a great idea! That works for everybody, and sounds less stressful. But 20 grandkids and 8 great-grandkids?? Wow! I’m impressed that you remember all those birthdays! :)
Ha! I love that you threatened shipping her the disappointed kid! so funny!
I did, Darcy. And interestingly, she believed me. Sometimes Grandma has to kick a little butt. :)
I don’t do Black Friday shopping. I’m too busy sitting on the couch having a beer while my kids are entertained by their cousins–especially since Black Friday now starts on Thursday afternoon. But I’m lucky because I also don’t want a lot of stuff and my kids are easy to buy for. I’ll go shopping for deals on the leftovers a week later. :)
Shay, I like your attitude! Relax, and it will all take care of itself. We could all use a reminder now and then! :)
So far Z just wants everything so in a way she’s easy to please. The plan (right now) is never to go crazy getting her anything everyone else wants. Pray I never have to eat those words! Either that or I will call on you. I like your style!
You’ve made me so grateful that I only have a two year old and a seven month old to shop for this year. But thanks for the warning that I better start saving up.
Go go Grandma!!!
I remember when my son had to have the Babbling Boo doll from Monsters, Inc. I searched for weeks before I found it. He was 3 at the time and I still think that was the most excited I’ve ever seen a kid at Christmas.