Cruising Facebook the other day, and I saw a post from a woman who announced to 7,000 of her closest friends that she’d just returned from a third stint at Serenity Lane and was now determined to remain “clean and dry.” It seemed that this was quite a bombshell, because the resulting thread expressed high shock from friends (and future employers) around the country that had no clue she had a drinking problem. They do now.
I got to thinking about how much personal information we put out on social media. We post about our successes (or failures) at rehab, our mental health issues, struggles with spouses, boomerang kids, crazy ex’s, certifiable families, horrible bosses, and our colonoscopy results. Details we used to discuss only in late-night, wine-induced confessions to our BFFs are now blasted out every morning to the universe before our first cup of coffee.
But in all this oversharing, it occurred to me that I’ve never read any posts about someone having had any recent nip/tucks. Apparently we’d rather admit to a secret Oxycontin stash in our underwear drawer than share the fact that we recently had our belly fat sucked out or got our eyes “done.” Cosmetic intervention has become the last taboo.
The American Society for Aesthetic and Plastic Surgery (ASAPS) reports that we spend $11 billion a year in the U.S. on cosmetic procedures. Yep, eleven billion dollars on something that nobody’s doing. Well, somebody’s doing it.
If you see a woman over 40 with an unlined forehead that doesn’t move when she talks, she’s been Botoxed. If she’s a size 2 with Double DD cha-cha’s that make her resemble an upside-down Weeble, she’s had them re-sized. If she had an unfortunate honker nose at your high school prom, but at the 25th class reunion, it was slender and proportionate to her face, it didn’t just “get better with age.”
We may or may not we choose to confess our collective vanity, but the ASAPS performed over 15 million procedures last year. I love that the #1 reason cited was not “looking younger.” It was “I want to look as good as I feel.” Boom. We don’t want to look 25. We don’t mind looking 60. We just don’t like looking 60 and tired.
If you’re considering getting a little outside help to lift, tighten, or smooth what middle age, menopause, and gravity have assaulted, here’s a few of the most popular options:
Breast augmentation. Commonly known as a “boob job.” The doc cuts under your boob and inserts a silicone bag underneath the tissue. It kind of like wearing a permanent, padded push-up bra. Great if you’re a Victoria’s Secret model and need visible boobs to get work, but have the body fat of a swizzle stick. Unfortunately, this can result in loss of nipple sensation (I don’t know about you, but at 60 years of age, what else are they for?), hardening, or bursting inside your body, spraying internal organs with implant solution. Your other option is just to get a better bra.
Liposuction. Sucks out excess fat from the back, belly, or thighs. Works like a human Space Saver bag to shrink fatty body parts, by sucking out fat. Sounds reasonable. But be careful. Fat in your body has to go somewhere. If you Hoover it out of one area, it’ll show up somewhere else. I’ve seen many women with beautifully flat bellies for the first time in decades after liposuction, but who then grew giant thighs when the fat in their diets found a new home. So I have eight pairs of Spanx instead. Much cheaper.
Botox. The most common non-surgical procedure. Tiny injections target specific muscles in your face (frown lines, laugh lines) and temporarily “freezes” them. Your skin looks smoother and less weathered. Works beautifully if your practitioner is experienced. This is not the time to bargain hunt. Try to avoid a provider who’s fresh out of Botox school and “needs the practice” or who took a three-hour class at the local Red Lion last weekend.
Blepharoplasty. “Getting your eyes done.” Small incisions around the upper and lower eyelids to remove fatty deposits or excess skin that make your eyes look droopy and puffy. Make sure you ask to look “more rested,” not permanently stunned. You need to be able to blink. Again, get someone who’s done several thousand. Successfully. This one is hard to fix if some Doogie Howser doctor screws it up. I had mine done by a board-certified, well-recognized cosmetic surgeon when I turned 50. Still love it.
Breast lift. This one I understand. By the time you’re 60, those perky peaches have gone south like migrating geese. Your bras have gone from wispy, “Hey, Sailor” pieces of lace, to full-coverage granny bras with Kevlar underwires, just to get the girls back up there. I did have a consult with a doctor on this one, but I opted out. (Find out why in my new book, Who Left the Cork Out of My Lunch?, releasing 2/14/16. Shameless promotion. Shameless.)
Butt augmentation. This one totally eludes me. I’ve spent most of my life trying to make my butt smaller, and now women across the country are lining up, requesting Kim Kardashian’s backside?? I figure that until I have Ms. Kardashian’s face, I don’t want her butt. I’d just look like me, with a gigantic ass.
Lip augmentation. WTH?? The positive side of this one is…Nope, I’ve got nothing. While I get the fantasy of having lips look slightly swollen and just kissed hard, I’d prefer to wait until that actually happened. Otherwise you look like you’ve recently faceplanted into a bee’s nest. Plus, you lips don’t move properly (how could they?), causing you to appear to suffer from Bell’s Palsy or a recent stroke. Kissing is so much more fun.
So, with 15 million procedures a year being performed last year alone, we can safely assume that many of us have had a little something done by the time we’re 60. It’s time to stop making our friends feel like God obviously loves us more than He loves them, because He gave us permanently perky breasts, while they got wet sock puppets on a clothesline. ‘Fess up, ladies, and let’s exchange the names of our doctors.
You know, you have me thinking. I believe I have a few friends who have announced on the book of the face that they’ve had their boobs done.
I’m not sure what that says about my selection bias of friends :-)
No judgment here. I’m terrified of anesthesia but support anything anybody else wants to do :-)
Good for them, Carla! I can’t believe that in this day and age, we feel such a need to keep this all a secret! :)
I had the hoods removed from my upper lids 15 years ago when I could see them laying on my upper lashes! I’ve never regretted it. Ever!
I did the same thing, Jennifer! And I’m with you. Best decision ever. :)
I actually wrote about my “midlife makeover” at age 50 in Palm Springs Life magazine (pre-Facebook). I had an eye job, laser peel, lipo on my neck/under my chin, and I worked with a nutritionist/trainer for 12 weeks to whip me into shape. Got the services for free in return for the exposure the article provided (the surgeon who did my eyes was Dr. Ordon, who’s now on the TV show “The Doctors”). Living here in Maine now, there’s not nearly as much focus on/obsession with taut faces and perky boobs as there is in southern California…but I still think about having a little nip and tuck now that I’m 62…
I got my eyes done at 50, too, Roxanne. Seems to be the age where we realize that “natural aging” may or may not be the way we want to go! :)
If I could I would have the breast reduction and put it into my backside. Not to look like Kim Kardashian, but to stop looking like a 2 x 4 in blue jeans from behind. My husband says I have assitol disease. No ass at all.
Rena girl, you crack me up!!
Yes, hysterical!
Frog in pants – me, too! What is with that??
Too funny, willing to admit to drug problems over cosmetic surgery!I have a friend who gets botox and she cracks me all the time when she tells me she is starting to droop or to look at her, she is frowning! Having a sense of humor is needed if you are going to share I think. I am not a big proponent on breast augmentation especially on women over 50 because of the breast cancer diagnosing difficulty that the augmentations can present.
I agree, Haralee! The whole thing should be approached with more laughter and less judgment. I told Hubs I was getting Botox before my 40th high school reunion (a few years ago), because I didn’t want to be the only woman there with a movable forehead! :)
I’ve had a couple things done – and by a couple things….well, you know….the girls. When I was 45, after four kids and have been so happy I did. They were way down there and my grandmother actually gave me the money to have it done – may she rest in peace. I also had my eyelids lifted as they were, genetically, so saggy they almost interfered with my vision. Haven’t regretted that either.? It’s just that now – some ten years later – they seem to be sagging again – going to their natural resting point. I’m quite sure that’s it. Although sometimes I’m tempted to rid myself of the jowls and marionette lines that are becoming more and more prevalent. Stopping in today from Lisa’s grand social.
Thanks for dropping by, Barbara! I agree, sometimes we have to just let something go. Otherwise we look like Mickey Roarke. Ouch! But every now and then, I think hmmm…maybe? :)
Should I say, ever since seeing pictures of Michael Jackson “before” and “after”, I never, ever, ever would even consider plastic surgery. Bras, pads and who knows what else aren’t permanent. Having said that, perhaps I should also say that no one should never say never to some things. Check back again when I am 70.
I’m with you, Alana! Never say never! :)
Nope. I’m sagging and drooping and greying gracefully.
Liv, I just had a mental visual of a group of us doing Tai Chi, s-l-o-w-l-y and gracefully bringing our sags and droops into different positions. You crack me up! :)
What’s it called when you get the chicken neck taken care of? I’ve made it quite clear that when I start getting what I refer to as Murphy Brown neck, where you need to start wearing a turtle neck because of the sag….that’s when I’m going under the knife.
Yes, Jennifer, me too! When my neck starts jiggling like my behind, it’s time to do something. I’m just not a scarf-wearer and I hate turtlenecks, so I’m going to need another alternative! :)
I’m seriously considering getting my eyes done. My mom waited until her eyes were so bad that insurance paid for it. Other than that…well, I’ve invested in push-up bras.
Elizabeth, I had my eyes done at 50. Never regretted it for a second. The boob thing? Not yet. :)
We do over share on platforms such as Facebook. What we wouldn’t do for a like? As for plastic surgery it’s not that big in this part of the world, but neither is spilling everything on FB.
Sarina, I am constantly amazed at what we slap up there for all the world to see! Then we cry fowl when they pass judgment. What did we expect? :)
I am 53 and have had a few procedures–I will admit to them if asked or if someone comments (in person, not on facebook). Others may not think of me as the “type” to have these sorts of things done. What really started to bother me is “the jowls and marionette lines that are becoming more and more prevalent” as Barbara stated above. I had Sculptra injections–they are injections around your jawline that over a few months generate collagen and pull the skin a bit tauter and there is a definite improvement although not as much as you would get with surgery! Sometimes I think, just stop with all of this! But I was looking in the mirror and seeing my father staring back at me and I didn’t like it.
Too funny, Louisa! I have the same feeling when someone says “You look just like your mother.” I love my mother, and she’s a beautiful woman, but she’s TWENTY years older than I am. Hmmm… :)
I had a botched tummy tuck in my mid-forties and swore off the knife after that. Now I have a rock of scar tissue where the blubber used to be. Blubber is easier to squeeze into spanx. But, I rarely wear ‘shapewear’ anymore. At 65, who am I kidding. Husband couldn’t care less, why should I?
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Barbara, ooh, after a botch job, I’d be skittish too! I have 18 pairs of Spanx that I never wear. I guess I like knowing I have them in case of panic! :)
I think that the difference between addiction problems and plastic surgery is that addictions are becoming more widely recognized as medical situations (so fighting addiction is brave in the same way as fighting any dangerous illness – and it IS, I know people who’ve done it and it takes a lot of inner strength), whereas plastic surgery is more about vanity (or if you want to spin it more feministically, a desire to adhere to society’s unrealistic female body image requirements). There’s so much celebration of women who are brave enough to bust out in a bikini when they might not have a body shape that our culture would traditionally say “should” be put on display in a bikini. That’s cool, but maybe the dark side of the shaming of fat-shamers is that actually saying “I don’t particularly like this or that about my body, I have the means to change it, and I’m going to” is looked on as morally suspect by the fat-shamer-shamers. So basically you can’t do something without one set of people passing moral judgement on you (in a way that is becoming less popular in addiction situations) and you can’t NOT do something without another set of people judging you.
Which begs the question: Who are all these judgey people and why do they think they get a say over what I do or don’t do, anyways? Jeeze.
Maybe a few decades down the road we’ll all beand secure enough in our ownership of our own selves, and comfortable enough with our various bodies, that we can do things to them or not do things to them as we see fit, without risking heaps of judgment raining down.
Personally, I’d never thought of having anything done, but then I got breast cancer which required a mastectomy. Left Girl is now under re-construction, and when my plastic surgeon’s assistant mentioned that they could give Right Girl a wee bit of a lift (not up to unnaturally perky, I’m 48 and I don’t want to look like I’m trying to be 20 again, just a little bit of a boost) at the same time as they replace the stretcher with the implant, I found hat idea surprisingly appealing and agreed to it. It’s not that I have a problem with the way that I looked before October, it’s that I actually really don’t like the way the amount of sag I’ve already got feels, and if I figure that if I can get a little bit of reversal of that out of this otherwise unpleasant business, well, YAY, let’s do it.
BTW my plastic surgeon is awesome.
http://nyulangone.org/doctors/1013964360/mihye-choi
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Bonnie (and the link to your surgeon!) We each need to decide for ourselves, and then make no apologies! :)
I roar every time I read this!!
Glad I could entertain you, my friend! :)
I’m fat, my boobs are already drooping and crow’s feet have appeared along with the meth addict dark circles under my eyes. Cosmetic intervention? Nah. Too broke. I’ll just tough it all out and age gracefully. Maybe. Ask me again when I’m 40.
Cosmetic surgery seems to be one of those things that people feel free to judge endlessly. Maybe it’s because of the celebrities out there who go to such extremes … wrecking themselves in the process.
It’s deemed unnecessary so, if you do it, you’re frivolous/vain/stupid/{insert your chosen adjective here}.
Myself, I was given a procedure back in my early thirties … yes, it was a gift. At the time, it made a lot of sense on so many levels. (A story all on its own.) Now, I forget it ever happened except that it did, and I have to be a little more vigilant medically as I get older.
Now, you see? I still remain reluctant to share details … and I feel the need to justify, even a little. It’s a weird stigma.
It is a weird stigma, TO. When we have drug addictions that we win, people are so proud of us. When we have our boobs lifted, we’re shamed for being vain. (For the record, I’ve never done either. Just stopping the rumor mill.. :)
I don’t think I would but I never say never and if I was given the cash just to have my boobs enlarged a cup or just uplifted, I would then consider it. Having said that would I want a wrinkly body with some super perky boobs when I’m 80? Ask me that in 30 years time! ????
Linda, I’m laughing at the visual in my head of an 80-year-old body with taut, perky boobs! :)
I’ve has breast implants, rhinoplasty & soon scar revision from hysterectomy! I gained weight so now I will have to get a breast lift. 38 years young with lots of gray hair! Great post!
Shareen, you get on with your rebel self! Love it! :)
OMG I’m the wet sock chick. Great just Great! Still..I will keep my laugh lines, my wrinkles from squinting and my saggy boobs any day!
Allison, keep it all! We look FABULOUS. :)
If I ever have the money, there are a few things I’d consider – breast reduction and lift for one, because I’m tired of this aching back (hoping I can get insurance to pay for that one!). Like you, I’m tired of these hoods over my eyes, and would love to get rid of the jowls too.
But whether those things ever get done or not, I’m happy just being me :)
I wouldn’t mind having an eye job done, otherwise I’m pretty content with my aging body. I don’t begrudge anyone who has surgery, though I do think there is a line where you can do too much. When you know someone is in her 80’s and she looks 40, it comes across as freakish to me. Great article to raise awareness and make me laugh!
Great post! I really want to get Botox but haven’t yet!
I am a mother of three (all breastfed) and currently a tandem nursing mom, which means (I’m insane) and, nursing both my 2.5 year old and my 1 year old … probably for another year. I always joke that my boobs are not MY boobs anymore and, I’ll have to buy a set of my very own after the babies are done nursing. ;)
A few of my friends have either had boob jobs or are saving up to have one done so I haven’t really seen much secrecy. I don’t understand the desire to keep it secret when it’s usually quite obvious they’ve had work done.
If I ever have enough money, I’m totally getting liposuction. And I’ll tell the Internet. No sense in lying about me being insta skinnier.
Hysterical, as usual! I won’t get plastic surgery because I can’t afford it. Otherwise, I’d have a boob lift me. Heaven, help me, they’ve been at my waist since I was 20. What are these things you call perky breasts?? I’ve had (at least) D cups since I was 13. Gravity is not kind. ;)
I would love a tummy tuck because I think my doc put in a pleat after my 2nd c-section and my tummy looks like a sharpei…
But since the recover yis supposed to be worse than a csection – no thanks. that and my fear of getting knocked out and not waking up.
Been there, done that, I’ll just keep tucking my tummy flab into my hi-cut undies.
I’ve had breast augmentation. Best decision I ever made. I also have gotten botox twice. I don’t lie about it, but I also don’t walk up to people and say, “hey, want to feel my silicon?” They’re silicon, gummy bear consistency, so if they burst, there’s no leakage like the former less safe implants. Also, I’m a size 2. I spend hours at the gym to be a size 2 (even more hours to get to a size 2), and after two babies, I have a six pack and nice boobs, and I LOVE this post almost as much as I love my body. You may have inspired me to write the article that’s been living in the recesses of my mind. Thank you, Vikki!!
In a world where the needs and wants of people overlap almost everywhere cosmetic surgeries have become a trend. Not many people are comfortable going under the knife but those who are fully support it. http://www.pacificplasticsurgery.com/