So I open facebook this morning, and up pops a window that says “Someone special is looking for you!” Unable to resist the tag line, I clicked the link (okay, never a good idea) to find seniorpeoplemeet.com. Well, ouch! Seems the computer dating fairy has limited my pool of alternative soulmates to 75-yr-old divorcees or widowers using Viagra AND Depends, lamenting their lost football glory days while mourning “the one true love that got away.” Awesome.
Then I discovered that this site has competition from ourtime.com. Apparently baby boomers are dumping match.com for something a bit more tailored to their age group. And it gets better. There’s also christianmingle.com for the Scripture set, jdate.com so Jewish people can date their own, true.com if you just want to get laid (They boast to eliminate any men with a criminal background. Nice to know if you see your daughter cruising this one), singleparentmeet.com if you’re looking for a wife and mommy, eHarmony.com if you need help making dating decisions, blackpeoplemeet.com for…well, you get the idea.
My two award winners for blatant discrimination, weird niching, and exclusionary advertising are:
1. beautifulpeople.com. As you may have guessed by now, this site only allows gorgeous people to join. New applicants are voted in or out by existing members (a stunning, but tough group). Although they have recently taken pity on the masses and now offer a sperm/egg donor service from their uber-fabulous members to “beautifully challenged couples,” to help them produce cuter kids (you just can’t make this stuff up!) And since many of these people undoubtedly got beautiful through surgical intervention, how exactly do they pass that on? “Here’s my egg, and oh, if she comes out with my original big honking nose, here’s a gift card for my plastic surgeon.” Yeah, this site’s going down. But for every action, there’s a reaction, bringing us to…
2. uglyschmutz.com for, well…ugly people. Everybody needs lovin’, right? Members vote you in based on your lack of physical appeal. So in a midnight, drunken, post-breakup pity party, you go online and submit pictures of yourself wearing footie jammies and bawling into a carton of B&J’s Chunky Monkey Sundae, then discover the next morning that CONGRATULATIONS, YOU’VE BEEN ACCEPTED!, do you celebrate and update your fb status to “what the hell, at least I’m dating,” or do you email uglyschmutz and tell them your twin sister was playing a prank on you and although SHE would definitely qualify, she’s married, so please (for the love of God), take down the photo!?
So singles, if you’re looking, you have LOTS of options. Although “Hi, I’m Bob. Do you come here often?” is looking better all the time.