Check any magazine counter and you’ll find shelves full of articles about downsizing. An entire generation of baby boomers are discovering the freedom of owning less and doing more. We’re selling our four-bedroom family homes and 500-square foot houses or condos, trading in our expensive cars (and hefty payments) for RVs to travel the countryside, and leaving the security of our 9-5 jobs to pursue our bliss, hoping that we’ll still be able pay for groceries next week. But we realize that life is short, so if we’re ever going to live out our dreams, is has to be now.
For most of us, part of this process is figuring what to do with all our crap. The stuff we’ve accumulated, purchased, collected, or presented with by friends and family on holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries. At one time, this stuff was important. We wore it, displayed it, drove it, lived in it, and protected it with insurance policies and alarm systems. It defined us. Now the children are grown, the family dog has passed on, the credit cards are paid off, and our stuff is all that’s standing between us and freedom.
Yet, we’re not prepared to throw it all away or give it to a second-hand store. Much of our stuff is personal. Some of it was expensive. How do we divest of our worldly goods as we transition to our tiny new houses without taking along 45 years of things? And our new RV has one closet and three drawers. Who do we give all this crap to? Who will want it and take care of it like we did?
The kids.
Yep, let’s give all the tired or dated junk to Goodwill and the cool stuff to the kids. I mean, they’d be crazy not to want all this. It’s way better than giving them money. This is the perfect plan. They get a big pile of seriously cool shit they don’t have to buy, and we get the comfort of knowing that our prized possessions are in good and grateful hands.
Whoa. Slow down, Nellie. Before you back up the Matson shipping container onto their front yard, anticipating welcoming smiles from your delighted offspring, you might want to call ahead and ask your child and his/her spouse if they do, in fact, covet your collection of 127 albums from the ’60s and ’70s, including the slightly warped but still playable “Best of the Village People.”
Questionable crap includes:
Your gigantic, 10-year-old Nordic Track treadmill, that takes up roughly half their spare bedroom and hasn’t actually been turned on since 2009. Telling your DIL that it also makes a great clothes hanger for bras and other items she doesn’t want to put in the dryer isn’t going to make that behemoth any smaller or less of a pain in the ass for them when they move.
Your commemorative State plates collection. Sure, Oregon has been missing since it mysteriously jumped off the wall and shattered on Halloween, 1984. And Vermont has a large, orangey glue mark running down the center where it broke in half and Hubs repaired with it Gorilla Glue. Don’t ask about Louisiana. It got inexplicably lost sometime around 1992 and hasn’t been seen since. Just tell the kids not to display them in alphabetical order, and no one will notice.
Grandma’s silver set, for 20. Never mind that it has to be kept in a special box and each piece must be hand polished before every use. Oh, and it can’t ever be put in the dishwasher. Yeah, the kids will be using these daily.
Ditto for Grandma’s heirloom, porcelain dish set, complete with gravy boat and soup tureen.
Your old tool set, which has been out in your Tough Shed for 30+ years, is missing critical pieces, and is in desperately need of cleaning. Especially since neither your son nor his wife has ever exhibited any skill or desire to fix their cars or the wiring in their rented home.
The beat-up Chevy in your garage, that hasn’t run since 1972, but “just needs some love and attention.” If you couldn’t get it running, how are they going to?
Those 15 boxes of photo albums, including your high school graduation pics, your wedding photos (first and second marriages for both of you) and the approximately 2000 pictures of your child growing up. While these albums may be interesting to your downline at some point, usually decades later, and until then will have to survive every move.
Your clothes. I realize that you’re RV’ing to warmer weather and won’t need that still-serviceable plaid, flannel coat you’ve been wearing every winter since 1989, but he’s not going to want it. And Mom’s expensive, long dresses, while gorgeous on a 60-something woman, will make your DIL look like a frumpy mother of the bride. She’s 24. Considering donating to her mother.
The 182 tiny metal toy trucks from your 40-year obsession collection. Yes, I know it took years to cultivate, and getting those last two models required six trips and four months of negotiations with the original owner. But trust me. These are not always shared passions. How to know? Ask yourself if your young progeny has ever made fun of your collection. Or you.
Your collector show car, that only gets taken out of its climate-controlled garage for parades and car shows. The kids have no place to store it and no idea how to maintain it. Nor do they have the means. This is not a gift. This is a money-sucking project. Give this to a rich friend.
Your books. We grew up in the hardback book era. Our homes boasted large bookcases, laden with best-selling authors, self-help books, travel guides, and tutorials on every recognized hobby, prominently displayed in our living rooms and home offices. Our kids grew up with Kindles. 40,00 books on one thin, 5×8″ device. You can’t compete. Make a librarian (and your kids) happy, and donate your books today.
Good luck. May your future be bright, and may all your junk turn out to be treasures.
I told my husband that one of the big reasons I regret not having kids is having no one to give this stuff to, so you are right on the money with this post!
I know how you feel, Carol! We have one son (married), so they are the lucky recipients of all of our crap. They’re excited. Really, they are… :)
We pretty much ditched, sold or gave away all our stuff when we left Ireland to move to Canada to live a couple of years ago. One of the most liberating and rewarding things we have ever done. So many benefits on so many different levels of embracing a more minimal approach to life.
Ali, years ago, my then-husband and I moved from Canada to Maui, taking with us six boxes (mostly toys for our 5-year-old son) and our old mini-van. Everything else in our 4,000 sq.ft. house was parceled out to friends and family. I’ve never owned that much stuff again. :)
Half of the shit we had to unload when we downsized was our grown son’s generous pile in the basement, complete with studded snow tires! I wanted to drive them to his home in Baltimore, but they wouldn’t fit in my car! Oh, and he’s still pissed that his ‘pristine’ baseball card collection is no longer of any value because it got wet when our basement flooded. I lost a lot of sleep over that one.
Now we have no basement and they’re never leaving anything here!
Good post!
b
Barbara, there’s a saying that “However much space you have for junk, is how much junk you’ll have.” I would add that “If you don’t have enough junk, your friends and family will give you theirs.” :)
You may remember that my sweetgums of 45 years have lived permanently in our RV going on 10 years. We went from a 3500 sq ft house to a 36 ft RV. And yep I had panic attacks for several months. But now I wouldn’t change a thing. Oh with one exception where the heck do I put my shoes. Still struggling with that problem but by now I think I have figured it out.
We also do not any kids and one niece,,,,,,,,,,,,,,but the Goodwill and other similar outlets have benefitted from our downsizing.
And yes we are spending the remainder of our life by laughing and dancing.
Great post Vikki!!
that would be sweetgums……………ha!~!
Thanks, Barb! Hubs and I passed an RV the other day that was towing a car, had 3 bicycles attached to the back, and of those hard-cover storage bins strapped to the top. Hubs looked at me and said, “And THAT would be where her shoes are.” Great idea! :)
Oh the 15 boxes of photo albums! And since the photo albums are from the 70s mostly, they are both falling apart and exuding some sort of weird toxic smell. Thanks mom and dad! At least I have a good excuse for not printing any of my digital pictures anymore. Don’t want to burden my kids in 20 years.
Katy, oh, I’d forgotten about the weird smell! My parents had an entire photo and hardback book collection get drenched in a basement flood. We salvaged what we could, but the smell… :)
Great post Vikki! You nailed it … except for the books.
Sorry, I have to insist and my son already knows. He gets the books, but only when I ‘move on’. I can’t tell by the sparkle in his eye.
Is he excited (he can’t wait to get his hands on them)?
Is he overwhelmed (shit, where am I going to put them all)?
Is he scheming (how much can I get for that facsimile edition of Shakespeare’s First Folio)?
Admittedly, as much as we’ve unloaded stuff and live more lightly now, the books do become a source of some good humored consternation from the hubby. But, so be it. It’s a burden I’m willing to bear … and carry … and pack.
T.O., I’m with you. Hubs and have a wall-sized bookcase full of seriously cool books. And every time my adult son comes to visit, he peruses the bookshelves for books he wants to read, then downloads onto his Kindle. Sigh… They’re never know the joy of cracking the spine for the first time! :)
Yes I have my parents’ silver tea set and the engraved flatware. I have asked around and I am not seeing eager hands going up saying me me please.
Haralee, my parents have been trying to gift Grandma’s silver flatware to all of us kids for years. No takers yet! :)
There are artisans who are making really unusual jewelry out of old silverware. I especially like the serving forks made into fish & octopus pendants! Not for everyone but a big hit in Florida!!
Hi Vickie, over from Grandma’s Briefs. We have been married 55 years and 6 children 9 grands. No one wants my grandmother’s desk, my mother’s mirror or the beautiful silverware, china and crystal we received for wedding gifts many years ago. They choose different kinds of china, etc. So yes I guess it will go to St. Vincent de Paul Mission Store. Looks like we are not alone. Blessings to you.
Thanks, Peggy! My mother says Goodwill shoppers will have better dressed tables than her kids. We all want dishwasher proof china or stoneware. Somewhere a second-hand is offing her silver utensils for ten bucks. Ouch. :)
You mean the kids won’t fight over our two thousand four hundred VHS and DVD movies? I had to do my parents house after they passed, http://axiesdad.blogspot.com/2013/04/clutter-and-treasure.html so my kids have to do mine.
Bob, throw in a few cassette tapes, and they’ll be beating a path to your door! :)
Oy…is all I can say. I’ve learned that if my mom asks if I want something…I say yes…take it and then throw it out! jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
Jodie, I like your style! :)
Oh my does this hit home……. I moved this summer & into a much smaller house. So I am no paying someone to store my junk!
And to be honest….. I don’t miss a thing! I’m willing to call the local Goodwill & purge everything!!!!
I will have to close my eyes tho…..
I’ve always been far too sentimental with my possessions.
Great article !!!!!
Hey kids….. Your off the hook!
Thanks, Deborah! Hubs and I have been systematically downsizing for that past two years. I feel “freer” every day! :)
HA! Love this post! My mother was smart, she gave me stuff throughout my adult life, a little at a time. Then she passed away and sadly I had to sort through everything my mother owned. Five years later, I had to sort through everything my dad owned after he sadly passed. (OK, I know this is a humor post, and I don’t want to be a Debbie downer!) The good part is that they were BOTH artists and I now have a garage full of original artwork, paintings, sculptures, and sketch books! All I need is an empty art gallery! Some day!
Lisa, original artwork from your parents? Now THAT I would cherish. I’m hoping that someday my grandkids will at least one copy of my books. :)
Haha! I love this post! The silverware– yes! It’s beautiful but we would likely use it one time and never take the trouble to get it out and clean it. Also, the photos! My mom keeps sending me old yearbooks. I’m not sure what to do with all of them!
~Julia
Julia, OMG, I’ve got yearbooks from years after I graduated! Somehow, all the kids’ annuals ended up in my basement! :)
Donate the yearbooks to the local library or museum. Scan the pics to your computer and pitch the albums.
Crystal stemware makes great wedding gifts. Just pack in one of those hard pretty printed boxes available @ craft stores.
Just the other day I read a piece saying that today’s young adults don’t want our stuff, and it hit me. Our daughter doesn’t want to become the curator of our collections, no matter how cool they may be. So downsizing just became more of a priority. And I’m learning all about how to sell on Ebay.
I’m with you, Nancy! Somewhere, somebody will want our crap. (We can’t be the ONLY ones who collect State spoons!) Thank God for ebay. :)
Gradually I have been giving my 3 kids pcs of furniture(only to turn around to replace the area now bare with something else!) knick-knacks, books, kitchen items, etc. I have soooo much that they have told me when I’m gone they are going to have an estate sale, but it will be a walk-in & take what you want–FREE–just giving it away!! Oh well they have taken what they want & I won’t be here & can’t take it with me!
Cheryl, I love your kids! A FREE estate sale. What a fabulous idea! :)
Love it, Vikki! I don’t have any children so most of my stuff will be donated or trashed. However, the hubs and I are planning on selling on and RV’ing in about 9 years. Can’t wait!
Brenda, nine years? Start downsizing now. Otherwise you’ll have the RV in the driveway, and ten more years of crap you need to get rid of before you can hit the road! :)
As usual, love your post. You always hit the nail on the head.
Thanks, Pamela! Love seeing you here on Laugh Lines!
Everytime I buy something new my daughter says, “Well, there is one more thing for the giant estate sale I’m going to have.” Apparently she doesn’t like my tastes, style, or color pallette. Unless it’s green of course!
LOL, Rena! Whenever I gift my son cash, he says “It’s the perfect color and just the right size.” :)
Oh dear! I have a dragon collection I just assumed the kids would fight over. Maybe not. Time to start training the grandkids on the virtues of owning dozens and dragons.:)
Tamuria, Bless our grandchildren! They don’t know that dragon sets aren’t what everybody wants! :)
You are really doing a public service here. I can’t tell you the amount of crap my mother has tried (and sometimes succeeded in) pushing on me. No! I don’t want your hideous mirrored “bar”. I don’t care how cool it was in 1972. Now it’s just ugly!
Cassandra, I love the idea of doing a public service! You made me laugh out loud! :)
I kept nodding my head while reading your post, saying yep – that’s all the crap I’ll be getting from my mom. I’ve already downsized while she’s still collection porcelain dolls; and books; and roosters; and anything red. Sigh.
Oh my, Tess! Roosters?? I’m so sorry… :)
After living 9 years in a tiny cabin while hubs and I built our new house, I am getting reacquainted with long stored stuff. And heave ho’ing a lot of it. My motto, honed in the cabin years: for something to come in, something has to first go out.
I love it, Kymberly! “For something to go in, something has to go out.” I’m SO using that at home! :)
It is pretty much guaranteed that none of my children want my “treasures”, although 2 of the DIL have expressed a major interest in my (real and valuable) jewelry. Sorry, but because I am a total bitch, the third DIL, who has absolutely no interest in any jewelry is getting it all. I’m hoping she sells it all, except for my Mom’s engagement ring, and puts it in a college fund for my grandson. Knowing her, that is exactly what she will do. The three precious sons constantly argue about who “has” to take whatever, but I will be dead, and don’t really care what they do with all of my crap. Thanks, again, Vikki, for the Monday smiles!
You’re welcome, Beverly! You’re right, once we’re dead, they can do whatever they want with it. Just don’t fight over it while I’m standing in the room! :)
Oh wow – we’re starting to think about this now. Our son and DIL definitely don’t want any of it (except of course the good jewelry) but we’re getting ready to dive in and sort it all out. Great post!
Thanks, Adena! Hubs and I have been downsizing for the last couple of years. Sometimes it helps to take it slow (and throw out a LOT). :)
My sister and I were sitting at my mother’s one day staring at her latest purchase (some huge floor vase that would easily look at home in the lobby of a gaudy building). At the exact same time we turned to each other and said, “We’re going to have a really enormous yard sale one day.”
Now I’m the same age as my mother was then and so thrilled that I learned that valuable lesson then. I haven’t bought anything that needs to be displayed and dusted in years, and birthday presents better be tickets for “events” or memberships to museums. I no longer feel the need to own stuff. Feels great!
Ryma, years ago, my mom and I started exchanging gift certificates for lunches together. It was the best gift exchange ever, and we’ve done it every year. It’s just the two of us over a long, lazy lunch, with no cell phones. Perfect. :)
I’ve got my mother’s and my mother-in-law’s “stuff” plus accumulations of my own. when i texted my daughter in law a photo of my mother’s precious, gold-rimmed china and hand painted service plates, she texted back: I haven’t used my wedding gift china yet. and she’s been married to my son for 12 years. Times change. Tastes change. nothing to do but dump the stuff–precious tho it once was.
So true, Penpen! If you haven’t used something in 12 years, it’s probably not a treasure. :)
It is so liberating to get rid of all the crap, it is like taking a weight from around your body. I did a big clean up last year and I few wuite a few pounds lighter lol. Thanks for sharing. Ps I finally got my first book published.
Congratulations, Linda!! And I totally agree about feeling lighter after a purge! :)
Great article! Definitely looking forward to getting rid of some stuff when my daughter moves out… downsizing sounds soooo nice :).
Trish, it really is! It’s a wonderful feeling to be “unencumbered”! :)
Love this post Vikki…just cleared out my mother’s house after she passed…no one, including me, actually mostly me…wanted anything…will definitely repost this one!
Thanks, Ronna! You ladies at Better After 50 ROCK. :)
Ha! Oh my gawd but this is a treat. I cannot state enough how happy I am to be Canadian. We have 10 provinces and three territories so, if I was a plate collector, I’d only have to deal with 13. I have a question for you. Would you like my dad’s piano? I cannot understand what was going through my head when I agreed to take it. It sits ignored and forlorn in the basement. You or perhaps your loved ones are more than welcome to it.
You’re funny, Kelly! You’re right about Canada. 13 plates don’t take up much wall space. Tell the kids they can put them up in the bathroom! :)
This site is both funny and gut-wrenching. I am at that “age” where something has got to give and I can no longer keep holding onto four generations of “stuff,” — even the Tabriz rugs, the crystal chandeliers, the antiques which were beloved by all of us while growing up. Our children and in-laws say the same, “You mean you have to clean that? Like at least twice a year? Really?” I am hoping that at least they will get the silver melted down.
But we have convinced ourselves that the spirits from beyond will come and get us if desecrate any of their stuff. It got so bad that we just opened three huge boxes (that had traveled cross country with us three times). They contain files from a neighbor who used his van for our first move forty years ago. Ps. He accepted our apology and said we should keep them. Please.
Doris, I agree! The beautiful, expensive, and/or personal things are so hard to get rid of. And I’m totally convinced the original owning parent will come down from the clouds and smack me up ‘long side the head. But sometimes you just can’t carry it around anymore! :)
This is so funny! It reminded me to call the auction house to see what my “valuable” antique sideboard sold for. No family takers, though I tried for 3 years. Once you make the decision to let go, it becomes liberating, but sometimes, that takes so long.
So funny because it’s true. My Mom is doing this – all of her “treasures” are coming to us. She’s decided she’s purging everything she no longer wants/needs so it’s not sitting here when she dies (lovely, Mom, and so morbid) for us to slug through. I suppose it’s very considerate. But it’s a little weird, too. And now I have to have a garage sale to move the junk out of my house! :D
OMG, what will I do with all of our stuff!!!! I just read that kids prefer Ikea stuff to fine antiques. I’m screwed!
I just discovered you and am glad I did. When you live in Alaska, any junk to be disseminated has to be shipped so I’m getting very inventive about de-cluttering. I managed to get our library to want my stuff for their archives! I blog on Our Third Thirds (of our lives, that is) at 3rdthirds.blogspot.com
I started decluttering one drawer at a time. Then one cabinet at a time. I just did one a day right after breakfast or in the evening . Closets took longer b ut after I made a rule that every day something had to go into the give away box, it became a contest between my husband and I as to who could get rid of the most stuff. I can see drawer bottoms and closet floors again!! My house never looked so good!!