When Mom “Likes” Too Much
By Liane Kupferberg Carter
Okay, I’m going out on a limb here.
I’m a middle-aged mom and I love Facebook. And no, I’m not playing games like FarmVille, Kingdoms of Camelot or Mafia Wars. I love it for networking. So when “Saturday Night Live” recently aired a fake ad for the “Damn It! My Mom’s on Facebook Filter,” I thought it was a hoot.
Until my 23 year old son Jonathan cornered me.
“You’re all over Facebook,” he said. “You’ve been clicking ‘Like’ on too many things lately.”
“It’s not O.K. to ‘Like’ things?” I asked. The “Like” button is a “thumbs up” feature that lets you say that, well, you like what someone posted.
“It’s O.K. sometimes, but not for so many things. You don’t have to Like it every time I breathe.”
I was confused. “You can see everything I Like?”
“Yeah, of course I can, it’s all over Facebook.”
“You mean if I say I like the picture of Monty Python you posted, it comes through on your News Feed?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“And that bothers you?” I was still confused. “What difference does it make to you if I click “Like” on things that I like?”
“When it’s my stuff you’re clicking, all my friends can see it.”
“They can see everything I Like?”
I know I click Like a lot, but how would his friends know? I’m not Facebook friends with them.
“Yeah, if you Like stuff on my Wall, they do see it.”
“So it’s just your posts that I’m not supposed to Like?”
“Exactly.”
Oh. I thought I was the cool mom because I Tweet. I’m Linked In. Here I’d been cruising the information superhighway feeling like a Formula One driver, and now my kid was telling me I’m in the breakdown lane. I did a mental count. I’ve Liked exactly six items he’s posted.
“You can Like some stuff, but not everything,” he said. “Like, it’s O.K. if you want to Like that I tell people to wear purple to show support as a straight ally of National Coming Out Day.”
“So it’s a judgment call. Well, I Liked your Dancing Parrot video.”
“It’s slippery,” he allowed. “Like when I posted that I got a job, that was O.K. to Like.”
“What about Liking the pictures of your girlfriend Gianna’s kittens?”
“Dubious. That’s gray area. The boundaries are fluid. Don’t cross any boundaries.”
I didn’t realize I had. I thought I was being supportive. I like keeping in touch this way; it’s a window into his world, especially because boys don’t tend to open up easily to their moms. It’s hard to know what those boundaries are today; we’re living in a culture of over-sharing. Should we be interacting on line? How much? I enjoy using social media tools; it makes me feel hip, at a point in life where I‘m worrying about feeling old, left behind and irrelevant. I hope I haven’t embarrassed him. But Jonathan frequently posts my articles on his Facebook wall. Recently he surprised me by creating a Writer Fan Page about me on Facebook.
“So when you posted that photo of the guy holding the sign saying “Sasquatch is Real,” it wasn’t O.K. to Like that?” I asked.
“Well, yeah,” he conceded. “That was a good photo. But you need to stop Liking everything.”
“You know, you friended me, not the other way around,” I felt compelled to point out. But I was laughing. “Jonnie, I love you,” I said.
“Yeah, me too,” he said.
“O.K., let me be sure I’ve got this,” I said. “If someone posts, ‘Save the Whales,’ is it okay to Like that?”
“Mom,” he said, surprisingly patient, “I love that you love whales. Just don’t love my whales.”
I nodded. “Got it,” I said, even though I didn’t entirely. I resolved to leave his whales alone.
“This would make a good essay,” my husband said.
Jonathan rolled his eyes. “Mom can write her own essays just fine, Dad,” he said.
I Liked that.
Originally published in the Chicago Tribune
Liane Kupferberg Carter’s articles and essays have appeared in many publications, including the New York Times, the Chicago Tribune, Grown and Flown, and Better After 50. This essay is excerpted from her recently completed memoir. Follow her at http://www.lianekupferbergcarter.com/
I love Liane and her slice of life. But this one particularly hits close to home because I am very, VERY careful what I “like” on my son’s page. I am very careful because I don’t want to overdo it. Ever. But I do love reading what he’s doing. It’s like filling in the blanks on what he tells me he’s doing. With photos. Good job, Liane and thanks for having her here, Vikki!
Thanks, Cathy. I now keep a very low profile on my son’s page. All too easy to turn into Stalker Mom :)
I love Liane and I totally love this piece!!! My oldest is 16 and the other day informed that he had no idea what the family was getting into when I started blogging and going on FB!! This is just great!
Thanks, Kathy. It must be hard on kids (and spouses) to have a blogging mom. I’m grateful the internet didn’t exist when I was a teen. xo
I’m stilling laughing Liane. Love your post!
Thanks, Nancy!
My kids are more or less absent from Facebook, which makes things much simpler – but I do like everything they post on Instagram :)
My 20 year old unfriended me because many of the articles I share are about “old people having sex”. But then his roommate was upset because he couldn’t look over Ev’s shoulder and see “all the stuff your mom posts.” I asked Ev if I should friend his roommate and you would have thought I suggested we cut off his right hand.
Facebook just another avenue of embarrassment and revenge for ruining our bodies.
Oh man, can I relate! My son and daughter continually tell me that I’m way too involved w/Facebook for their liking, too funny.
My 22 year old daughter informed me that I liked too many of her FB photos. Heck, I liked them all. Equally bamboozled. Still . laughing.
Hilarious! I’ve got four kids who would say the exact same thing…except I’m too busy “liking” to notice.
Ha! This is hilarious to me because I had the same conversation with my daughter not to long ago. Along with a post on Facebook that read: MOTHER I BROUGHT YOUR FACEBOOK INTO THIS WORLD AND I CAN CERTAINLY TAKE IT OUT! I don’t know where she ever got this saying from!
Oh my, totally relate! I’m a prolific liker! LOL
I’m taking notes! I have an 11 year old, which means he’ll be on Facebook soon and he’s just as logical!! LOL!!
My teenage daughter is actually very tolerant of my “liking”. What she hates is when I ask her about the boys who post on her wall.