I love weddings. The flowers, the tulle, the gowns, the anticipation and celebration of everlasting love. It’s all so romantic and beautiful. But the planning of the blessed event can be anything but.
As summer wedding season hits full stride, wedding planners across the country scramble through flurries of last-minute details so the Big Day can go forward without a hitch. There are flowers to choose, dresses to select, hotel reservations to be made, table settings, invitations, vows, menus, music, and a myriad of other decisions that would stress a yogi zen master.
Many of these decisions can be made with input from friends and family, but the first-dance song falls solely upon the happy couple. The music, the lyrics, and the artist all blend together in a song choice that says “This is us” in a way that nothing else can. This is not a decision to be made hastily, haphazardly , or God forbid, when drunk.
There are dozens of beautiful love songs with positive, meaningful messages and lyrics, and it shouldn’t be too difficult to find one that reflects you as a couple and also makes sense to your guests. But there are a few that need to forever remain on the No Fly option list. Songs that sound romantic or appropriate because they’re slow and sentimental, but the lyrics or the artist are just wrong.
As I was jotting down a few what-were-you-thinking? songs I’ve watched wedding couples cuddle up and sway to, friends and family chimed in with first-dance songs they’ve found a bit baffling, and I ultimately came up with the Top 10 Songs You Should Not Choose for Your First Dance.
1. Without You (Miriah Carey). “No, I can’t forget the feeling on your face as you were leaving…I had you there, and then I let you go. I can’t live, if living is without you...” While at first glance, this is an fervent declaration of love (“You left me, so now I want to die”), it’s a melodramatic breakup song. Not a fortuitous start to a lifetime together.
2. How Do I Live? (Leann Rimes). “How do I get through one night without you? If I had to live without you, what kind of life would that be? How do I live? How do I breathe? If you ever go, how do I ever, ever survive?” Notwithstanding the somewhat desperate neediness this songs conveys, it’s a little dark for a wedding. Again, it’s a song about breaking up. STOP THAT.
3. My Heart Will Go On (Celine Dion). “Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you. That is how I know you go on.” From Titanic. Yeah, the story of two people who have an intense, once-in-a-lifetime love affair, and then he drowns. This song is depressing, and will have your guests seeing sinking cruise liners and wet dead people.
4. I Will Always Love You (Whitney or Dolly). “If I should stay, I would only be in your way. So I’ll go, and yet I know I’ll think of you each step of the way. Good-bye. Please don’t cry. We both know I’m not what you need.” Seriously?? Yes, this is a romantic song. No, it’s not a wedding song. They love each other, but he’s better of without her, so she leaves him, breaking both their hearts. Your guests will be sobbing into their champagne flutes. Nice going.
5. Sometimes When We Touch (Dan Hill). “You ask me if I love you, and I choke on my reply. I’d rather hurt you honestly, than mislead you with a lie…At times I’d like to break you and drive you to your knees…At times I think we’re drifters, still searching for a friend. A brother or a sister, but then the passion flares again.” Wow. In 3 short minutes, we’ve covered rejection, spousal abuse, and incest. The trifecta of “Doesn’t Belong at a Wedding. Ever.”
6. Endless Love (Lionel Richie). “My love, there’s only you in my life, the only thing that’s bright. And your eyes, your eyes, your eyes, they tell me how much you care. No one can deny, this love I have inside, and I give it all to you, my endless love.” Unless you’re 14, this is sappy and juvenile. There’s a difference between poignant and gaggingly sweet. Save your guests the risk of mass Kool-Aid coma and pick a song that relates to people out of middle school.
7. Always (Bon Jovi). “This Romeo is bleeding, but you can’t see his blood…Now the pictures you left behind are just memories of a different life…When he holds you close, I wish I were him, cause those words are mine. And I know when I die, you’ll be on my mind.” So he loves her, she leaves him for someone else, but he’ll still be pining for her, presumably years later, on his deathbed. This isn’t romantic. It’s pathetic and sad.
8. Careless Whisper (George Michael). “I feel so unsure as I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor as the music dies. I’m never gonna dance again. Guilty feet have got no rhythm. Time can never mend the careless whisper of a friend. Now that you’ve gone, was what I did so wrong.” Starts out with a sultry saxophone, but then he announces that he cheated on her, a friend squealed on him, she drop-kicked his loser ass to the curb, and he’s blown his chance to ever dance with her again. A song about cheating and self-pity. Save this one for the divorce remix.
9. Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin’ (Journey). “You make me weep and wanna die, just when you said we’d try. When I’m all alone, you’re out with someone else. It won’t be long till you’re alone, when your lover hasn’t come home, cause he’s lovin’, touchin’, squeezin’ another.” Kind of sexy, with a hot title, until you realize it’s about a man who cheated on a woman who’s now cheating on him with a guy who’s going to cheat on her. Your guests will need an adultery scorecard to keep up.
10. Anything by Chris Brown. Lyrics unnecessary. Unless you’re into celebrating misogynistic wife-beaters with bad taste, and you find multiple trips to the ER and restraining orders acceptable ways of saying “I love you,” pass on this artist. While you’re gazing adoringly at each other on the dance floor, your guests will be visualizing Rhianna’s battered face.
So assuming you’re not inexplicably committed to any of these songs, put them in the No pile and keep searching. It’s worth the effort. And may you live long and happily together.
I was nervous scrolling through these, hoping mine didn’t make the list :) I agree, some of these are creepy desperate…. We danced to “Someone Like You” by Van Morrison… though now I kinda want to go back and check the lyrics ;)
Sarah, I’m sure it was beautiful! Love Van Morrison. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. And MWAH for the mention in your post today! :)
I don’t remember mine, isn’t that awful.. I should go back to the handwritten list we made from so many years ago and hopefully we chose a good one..
Love Me Tender by Elvis – The union lasted all of 3 years. Please add this song to your list :o)
Oh Susan, I’m so sorry, but I burst out laughing at your request! I think we need a good “divorce remix,” yes? (But I do love anything by Elvis. Did that at my wedding, and we got divorced too. :)
Yes! The surefire divorce mix. Get on it!
Yeah these are a bit scary as “wedding love songs”. Mine was country music it was the first song we ever danced to Randy Travis’ “Forever and Ever Amen”! It talks about growing old together. It must have worked 23 years next week! !!
Rena, oooh, Forever and Ever, Amen is a great choice! Nice to hear it worked out! :)
Mine was “The Way You Look Tonight” by Frank Sinatra. It was perfect.
These, not so much.
Sharon, a classic! There are some songs that will be perfect forever. :)
Sharon, that was the song I wanted but my girlfriend got married a few weeks before us and had it so I changed mine to “It had to be you.”
ha! you spent a lot time at weddings analyzing this. funny and scary!
Alisa, not so much time. I’m just old and have been to a thousand weddings! :)
Hate to admit it but I don’t remember the song at my wedding 33 years ago!
Nancy, Nancy, Nancy. You don’t remember?? That cracks me up!
Wow, some of these are just so….so…WRONG!
;-)
Carol, that’s so true! Makes me want to ask the happy couple, “Did you ever actually listen to this song?” :)
You’re so right, Vikki (as always)! People really do need to listen to ALL the words of a song before picking out a first-dance wedding song. It’s amazing how many songs sound like they’re about love … until you really listen to all the lyrics. Most of them are really depressing cheating/break-up songs disguising themselves as love songs. Great post and advice! :)
I agree, Marcia. We need to hear the whole song and uncover the message it leaves behind. Breakups, cheating, and never getting over someone make great country songs (esp. if you throw in a dog and a truck), but not always good wedding choices! :)
What! No Earls Gotta Die by the Dixie Chicks? Vikki, as usual you have made my day!
Cate, OMG, “Earl’s Gotta Die.” Bahahahaha! Somewhere, some couple is dancing to this in the wedding spotlight. :)
OMg…was laughing out loud and very happy our song didn’t make the list! Whew! Then I checked the lyrics before I commented! Our song was “Just You and I,” by Eddie Rabbitt and Crystal Gayle. I hated country music back then, but I really liked this song. Anyhow, 31 years on 31 August. I think we chose a good one :-)
Lynne, LOVE that song. I haven’t heard it for a long time, but now I think it needs to go on my iPod. Congratulations on your 31 years together!
“Wet dead people”! HA! I love it. We danced to “Beyond the Sea” by Bobby Darin. No special meaning behind the lyrics; we just both love the song and thought it would be fun to dance to. We had a dance teacher choreograph a whole routine for us. It was really fun! Oh, and we just celebrated 9 years so far…
Jenn, a dance teacher and choreographer? I want to see the video! What a fun song choice!
Cracking up at you “will have your guests seeing sinking cruise liners and wet dead people” … WET DEAD PEOPLE!!! So funny!!
You always make me laugh, Vikki!
*We had some sense in our younger days, thank god, and went with Billy Joel’s She’s Got a Way.
Jen, you can’t go wrong with Billy Joel. This poor generation has Chris and Bobby Brown. Fortunately though, the classics will remain with us forever. :)
How about “Another One Bites the Dust?” My personal fave.
Kathleen, you crack me up! They should have played that at my first wedding! :)
I would have had no problem with Celine Dion’s MY HEART WILL GO ON…..a beautiful song and my recently deceased husband and I considered it OUR SONG. It would be my number one choice. But I do agree with anything by Chris Brown
I’m with you, Paula! If a song is really “your song,” that trumps everything. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. Sending hugs.
This made me giggle. Thanks for the laugh. Fortunately none of these songs were mine!
Hi Andrea, I love that I brought you a giggle or two. And even if one of them was your choice, one man’s noise is another man’s music! What do I know? :)
It goes to show how some people do not listen to the lyrics of their “favorite” song. While not wishing to sound cynical about the wondrous joy of marriage, perhaps I could suggest “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gayner and “Oh Well” by Fleetwood Mac.
I agree, Gary. The lyrics mean something and can make or break a wedding song! Great to see you on Laugh Lines! :)
I went to a wedding, and I can’t even remember the song, but I did listen to the lyrics. BAD. No, they weren’t paying attention!
Hey Ms. Marta! Nice seeing on Laugh Lines! Court reporters know the power of words. :)
I had a lot angst over choosing our first dance song because not only did we not have “a song” that was “our song” but we both were (and still are) terrible dancers. So, I specifically told the band leader that after we danced to our song for about 10 seconds, that he should call everyone up to the dance floor to join us. I was thankful he followed my instructions. As for the song we chose? I was relieve to see it was not on your list. It was a different Whitney Houston song – Nobody Loves Me Like You Do. I figured you can’t go wrong with lyrics like that.:)
Emily, LOVE that song! And I like it when the guest join in anyway. 4 minutes can seem like a long time to just watch a couple dance. :)
I love that I can count on you to always make me laugh. The coffee that shoots out my nose, though, not so much. :)
Mary, that’s about the nicest thing you can say to a humor writer! :)
These songs may have a great melodies but I agree with you, the lyrics, not suitable for your wedding song! How do you dance to some of these?
What song did we have at our wedding 23 years ago, you ask? Well, prep thyself:
She’s No Lady; She’s My Wife. What can I say, but marry a guy with a sense of humor. And have one myself. I had fun going through your list and the comments. Snarfle – you make me laugh!
ALWAYS cracks me up when I hear people claiming some horrible breakup song as “their song.” Or when someone is like “this makes me think of my Mom looking down on me from heaven” but then you listen to the lyrics and it’s about how someone had to dump a guy for cheating on them because he was trying to be a rodeo star.
I will never forget a friend playing the song “Lips of an Angel” for their dance. Sort of fitting I suppose, since he was cheating on her for the entire relationship.
Maybe this is why we went with rock music. I walked down the aisle to Papa Roach and we had our first dance to Apocalyptica. It was awesome :D
Good lord, I’m horrified I can’t even remember what we danced to. Oops. This post calls to mind “The Wedding Planner” and the part where J Lo casts aspersions on the suggested “first dances” choices of her clients. She can predict by the choice which marriage will fail and when. Love that. Perhaps you should go into business with her?
Amazing how so many of the songs we love deal with death, divorce or just desperation! :D
omg – these are all so good, but #5 is probably my favorite. What a turgid song. What a stellar assessment! Excellent Vikki!
Vikki, you are hilarious. And we need to go out sometimes together to the karaoke bar and listen to the singers because you and I obviously listen to music with the same parts of the brain. Seriously? Doesn’t anyone listen to any of the lyrics other than the refrain? Thank you for doing your part in ending wedding guest agony. Where’s Adam Sandler when you need him. He should be everyone’s wedding singer.
Thanks, Chloe! I agree, we need to hit the bar together. And yes, for the music too! :)
It seriously cracks me up some of the songs played at weddings. I want to say, REALLY??!?? think this through – make a list of what you don’t want – i.e., break up songs like the ones you listed, and then any others that make you just puke!
Great post!
Thanks, Laura! I like this idea of the list. It might help keep the happy couple focused! :) Loved your post on Second Firsts!
I’m sure it does. When my son got married, he told the DJ, I don’t care who requests ‘this’ song, do not play it. Too funny – but, it is their wedding, yes? And thank you – sometimes it is hard to bang out those types of blogs, and sometimes it’s easy!
We have only been married for 3 1/2 years and anytime someone asks what our wedding song wa s I have to look it up. Horrible I know. But it was a great song, I Swear by John Michael Montgomery. We made sure to read the words carefully because we didn’t want a song like those you mentioned above.