When Kenny and I “re-met” at our 25th high school reunion, we had both been married before and were children of reasonably large, blended families, which simply means that we were both well versed in the different communication styles of men and women. At the risk of generalizing (and offending people who don’t speak in generalities…and you men know who you are), we agreed that men tend to be more “get to the point and stop talking; the game’s on,” while women tend to think “getting there is half the fun” of the conversation. One of the most interesting things about long-term marriage is the couple’s ability to effectively tune each other out, while still getting the gist of the conversation for later reference if necessary. Listen to any old couple who have been married for 3 or more decades, and you’ll see two people who are skilled at “sifted listening,” hearing and retaining the high points, while treating the rest as white noise that need only be slightly heard, then promptly discarded. Like all unspoken marital agreements, this can often have interesting results.
Kenny came home from an errand in my little car. “You forgot to pull the emergency brake knob again.” “The what?” “The emergency brake knob. The little black one on your left.” “Is that what that is?” “Yes. (Sigh.) I’ve told you about it before.” “You have?” “Yes, and it’s important.” “It is? Why?” “Because you CAN’T DRIVE WITH IT ON.” “Well, since I haven’t pulled that knob since you bought me the car in 2007, I’m thinking that’s not technically true.” “How can you not know this?!? I’ve told you about this like a dozen times!” “Well, you didn’t say it like that. And btw, those veins bulging in your forehead are not your best look.” Now I know why my mother used to call 5 p.m. “Attitude Readjustment Hour.”
Later that same week…
Got home from work to find Kenny in the kitchen, with every surface covered with tiny, slimy round fish eggs. “What are you doing?” I asked. “Making fish eggs for fishing. It’s a new brine, and I think it’s going to be great!” he exclaimed. “Fish eat their own eggs?? That’s disgusting. Why??” He rolled his eyes and replied, “They don’t know if these are their own eggs, so yes, they eat them.” “Oh. But how do you know they’re going to be good?” I persisted. He looked at me like I just sprouted 2 rather stupid green heads and said, “Well, let’s see. Because I tried some.” “YOU ATE THEM??” I gaped, trying to erase the disturbing visual image from my brain. “Nooo,” he spoke, veeery slowly, “I fished with some. Say hello to the big guy in the sink.” Well, why didn’t he just say so?
Maybe we should consider texting.
I’m pretty sure that men are not from Mars because Mars is in our solar system. They must be from some place much farer awayer than that. Did you end up eating the big guy in the sink?
Texting just takes out the emotions … and these convos provide you with much blog fodder ;)
Sounds about right and what goes on in my house as well!! Seriously, men need to learn the art of conversation, but I guess maybe they just haven’r evolved from cavemen, lol!! :)
I won’t lie to you – I kind of can’t wait to have a marriage like this. :)
Sounds like you guys entertain each other :)
Fish eggs! For fishing???? I prefer caviar.
Ugh. Men and women and communication. Sometimes I wonder why we just don’t give up entirely.
I have to admit, I’ve been the “guy” in some of my relationships. I was engaged to a guy for 7 years that didn’t realize you needed to change the oil in our car. Or the air filter. And I had to teach him how to bait his hook, fish AND clean his fish. It was sad. I finally cut the line and let that one go back to the ocean. I look back now and wonder why the hell I wasted so much time on a dead fish. ;)
My problem is the same as Terrye. I am from Mars, my husband is from Venus. That gets very confusing when he brings home flowers and I want to go to a football game . . .loved this, though. Made me laugh!
“One of the most interesting things about long-term marriage is the couple’s ability to effectively tune each other out, while still getting the gist of the conversation for later reference if necessary.” This may be one of my favorite sentences I’ve ever read on any blog. Because it is SO TRUE. Hahahaha! -The Dose Girls
Yes, Vikki! I love those “You TOLD me that?!” moments. Usually, when CJ and I are half-listening, we try to make up the most far-fetched comment that has the same number of syllables and rhymes with the last word.
Did you see where I put my glasses?
You have never been without patches? (Followed by the smart-ass: Who’s Patches?)
Enjoy your blogging
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That was cute. Loved your mother’s reference to “attitude readjustment hour.”
LOL yep texting is goooood! :D
It’s morning, so here I am at Laugh-lines. It didn’t disappoint. I love a belly laugh in the a.m. ;-)
The scary part is that my husband and I have only been married for 3.5 years and already have this sifted listening down pat. I tell him one thing, he hears another. *sigh* What is it with men?
Oh, and I’ve definitely also noticed this with my in-laws.They’ve been married for 46 years. And holy crap…the eye daggers my mother-in-law throws at my father-in-law sometimes. Scary! LOL
First, fish eggs in general and I am trying not to imagine the scent of it is enough. I also hope literally he he used a steamer to clean I kill my husband but then I won’t be having one soon.
He put those yukky things all over your counter?? Ewe…
Fish eggs on your counter – YUCK! You are a saint :) My husband has the most selective hearing when it comes to plans I make with my girlfriends….”WHERE are you going?” to which I reply, “I told you 3 times and put it on the calendar that I’m going out with my girlfriends to NYC (or wherever we’re going), how can you not remember this?!” Marriage is nutty.
I like to get to the point; hub takes a long road to get there.
I totally enjoyed your article, and yes once in a while my three decade husband and myself face communication issues. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been married sometimes we can’t get through to each other. The great part is that he isn’t going through menopause like me and is less hormonal, which translates to him doing all the hard work to tune me in.