In a recent conversation with my dad, we were chatting about book marketing and ideas on how to get the word out about my recent book, He’s kind of a marketing guru, with a outside-the-box, creative bent. After an hour or so, as I gathered up my hastily written notes, he announced, “I’ve always wanted to write a book. I think it’s time.”
They say everyone has a book in them. As Dad and I began to explore the idea, my mind started whirling. He’s had quite an interesting life (successful business owner, philanthropist, 4-5 wives, extensive world travel). We also have a shared passion for writing, and he’s got great stories to tell. It’s generally acknowledged throughout my family that my writing style comes from the paternal end of the gene pool, so I gave him the same advice that worked for me four years ago.
“You should start a blog,” I said, “It’s a great way to test the waters and see what people respond to.”
“How do you do that?” he asked, “What’s your process?”
I explained that the mechanics of posting are fairly general, but the process is unique to each writer. Many Laugh Lines posts came to be using the following method:
1. Spend the day researching potential topics, finally concede defeat, and spend the rest of the day watching mating giraffes on YouTube, waiting to get a Big Idea.
2. Crawl into bed, then sit bolt upright at 3 a.m. with a fabulous, three-glasses-of-wine-induced concept for a hilarious essay that had you laughing in your sleep, which you don’t write down because you don’t want to come out from under the fluffy, warm duvet. Besides, you know you’ll remember it because it’s too hilarious to forget.
3. Snuggle in and go back to sleep.
4. Wake up later and realize you have no freakin’ clue what woke you up three hours earlier. Nooooo!
5. Take a hot shower, rummaging through your entire repertoire of memory games, trying frantically to retrieve your nugget of creative genius, to no avail. Halfway through your conditioner, tiny snippets begin to wander back. Not wanting to lose the Great Idea twice, you shout for Hubs to bring a tablet and pen to the bathroom right now. Scramble out of the shower, covered in soap suds, and barely avoiding a broken ankle from skidding on the linoleum, you start scribbling everything you can recall before your next bout of early-onset dementia kicks in.
6. Throw on Hubs’ old t-shirt and fleece pants, because they’re the first items you grab, and dash down the hall to your computer to start typing a rough draft that has you cracking up the entire time because you’re just so damn funny.
7. Finish the draft and go have breakfast, so you can come back to it with fresh eyes. Ernest Hemingway instructed his students to “Write drunk, edit sober.” Not literally feasible at 5:00 a.m., but it grasps the essence of writing. Get it down on paper in any clumsy way you can, then go back and edit the crap out of it.
8. Finish your breakfast, then back to the computer to re-read the gem that’s going to launch your new career as a best-selling humor writer, and realize it’s not quite as good as you thought. Okay, it sucks. Take a deep breath as your mind visualizes a half-dozen alternate careers to explore, because the chances of ever getting paid for this drivel are only slightly greater than winning the lottery. Twice in one day.
9. Walk away. Go read a book, do the laundry, or play with Winston, the neighbor’s pot-bellied pig. Give yourself time to decide whether it’s worth continuing to edit, or should be simply deleted so your suckiness is wiped from the universe, never to be exposed again.
10. Return two hours later, determined to bring the post back up to its early potential, and start the editing process again. This basically involves redoing the entire essay. Copying, pasting, deleting, adding, and rearranging until you start laughing again, feeling that little flutter in your stomach that you get when you’re nailing it.
11. When you feel like it’s proofed and ready, save it as a Draft and give it a week or so to “gel” before you click “Publish.” There have been too many times, especially in the early months, when I rushed to publish an essay that wasn’t quite ready, that would have been so much better if I’d waited a few days, allowing for last-minute surges of creativity that would have taken it from “Cute post” to “I spit my coffee out all over my keyboard laughing at this.” For me, it’s worth the wait.
12. When you’ve truly done all the editing you can and your mind has already moved on to the next post, click “Publish.”
13. Spend the next 24 hours incessantly checking your Dashboard stats, making “BOOM” fist bumps when a Facebook “Like” comes in, you get a comment, or someone shares your post on social media. Or, even better, you get a new subscriber. Or, the Holy Grail of writer validation, your book sales go up, resulting in uninhibited, goofy happy dances in your driveway. But there will also be those days when you’re lying on the couch in a fetal position, with a box of wine and Cheez-in-a-Can, because it’s tragically clear that your post was only read by your mother, some random guy in Sri Lanka, who now wants to friend you on Facebook, and a gerbil (if his profile picture was accurate). And the gerbil wasn’t impressed.
14. But no matter what your stats were, now is the time to get back on your computer and give back. The next several hours are spent reading and sharing posts from other writers. Blogging is a fast lesson in karma. You get back at the level you give. So cough up some comments, retweets, or shares, and/or buy the book.
15. Repeat for each blog post.
As I wrapped up my verbal tutorial, Dad said, “I’m almost 80. We’re gonna need to speed this up. How about we write a book first, then back into the blogging thing? We can do it in your spare time.” We?? WTH, I gave him the midnight to 2 a.m. slot.
We’re co-authoring his new book right now. Pending publication, 2017.
Oh my goodness, this is my life!!! So accurate…and funny. Loved it!
Glenda, it was one of those “How did this happen? But what the hell, this could be fun!” moments! :)
Hilarious—-you described it all so perfectly!! But it’s fun, eh? jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
Jodie, I’m actually getting quite excited about it. We have some ideas for a different approach than chronological memoirs. Could be really fun! :)
Love it…my dad is 83 and has talked about writing a book as well. Can’t wait to see what the two of you come up with.:)
Emily, keep me posted! I would love to hear about your project with your dad. We could compare notes! :)
Okay. Now I feel like you’re stalking me.
LOL, Mona! Maybe that’s our mission as “children-that-write,” to write our parents’ stories. I should probably let my son know now, so he can start getting ready! :)
You are hilarious! Clearly you and your Dad have the same fab sense of humor!
Ellen, we so do! Even when nobody else gets us… :)
Vikki,
For me this post was more informative than entertaining for the most part. Then came your dad’s comment and now I am coughing. You should put a warning sign in your blog saying ‘ Drinking or eating while reading your blog could be dangerous’.
Stay happy dear writer.
Thanks, Surya! Any day that I can make someone spit out their coffee while reading is a good day! :)
Haha! So true! Especially the middle of the night thoughts and shower prompts! ;-)
I know, Lynne, isn’t it weird that we all say that? We get our best ideas when we’re least able to write them down! :)
Congratulations! I can’t to read this new one! May all of your 3 am ideas last until daybreak~
Thanks, Rena! That would be nice, but I usually find that my killer ideas last only as long as I’m still asleep. When I wake up, damn, they’re gone! :)
I have always thought my life story, from ages 21-present, would make for a rather presentable book worth reading for some. But after reading this blog, it can stay on the back-burner of things not ever getting done!
Cheryl, you may not be the addled squirrel that I am, and maybe you’ll be one of those “write and publish in the same day” writers. It’s been known to happen, just not at my house! :)
Loved this! Still shaking my head a bit at the “co-authoring” thing. Ohmygoodness!
Goddess, in reality, all I’m going to be doing is writing down his stories. I’m just the scribe. :)
You r funny, i am not a writer but i just started blogging, good luck on the book
Thanks, Stacy! You just started blogging? Welcome to the blogosphere!!
Sounds like you got your sense of humor from your dad. Lol. I bet it will be awesome working with him on his book.
I did, Lisa! And I think it’s going to be a fun project. Lots of creative energy at work! :)
My writing life is ditto sans the alcohol; maybe that’s what’s missing!!!
Yep, you need wine, my friend. Lots of wine… :)
Spot on. Glad to know I’m not alone on an island. Especially when incessantly checking my stats dashboard before curling up with boxed foods and drinks.
Best of luck with your Dad’s book!
Nailed it! That is exactly my process – more time editing than writing. My BF doesn’t get it at all but that’s probably because he doesn’t edit himself at all – even when he really really should. Good luck to you and your dad! So great that you’re doing a book project together.
Thanks, Babs! Glad someone understands my goofy process. Some days I feel more like the turtle than the hare. I eventually get something posted, but it takes two weeks or more for it to “percolate.” :)
Vikki, that’s awesome! Can’t wait to hear more about it.
And, just so that you know, your dad’s idea of “book first” is actually advocated by a number of online marketing experts. Some even suggest that blogging is more a time suck than anything else.
Are you bringing copies of your latest book to BAM?
Thanks, T.O.! I’ll let you all know how it’s going from time to time. Suggestions are always welcome! :)
So guilty of premature posting. It just seems fabulous – until you wonder why there’s no responses. Oh. Because I sound like a damn second grader.
Tracy, “premature posting” is the perfect expression. I learned really early in my blogging that that wasn’t going to work for me! :)
Love that with your experience, you experience the same process as I do. Thanks! I need to let posts wait before I hit the publish key more often. But anyone who tells you they don’t watch the response the first day and get a little excited – well, I don’t buy that unless they are daily posters.
I agree, Pam! We ALL check our stats, unless we post so often we don’t have time. Just can’t help it. How else would you know if something “clicked” or not? :)
The best ideas in the middle of the night. Every morning a clean slate. Spotless, cluelessly clean. Sigh. It was so fun to read this and know I am in the same boat as my favourite writer! Suddenly my problems take on rock star status.
Hey, I recognize that process!
So very cool that you’re tutoring your dad on blogging. Congrats on your new writing partner!
Hilarious, as always, and true! Good luck to your dad (and you!)