Ask the first ten people you see on the street what they want most from life, and eight of them would say “I just want to be happy.” They may or may not know exactly how they would define “happiness,” but they could tell you why other people are responsible for keeping them from having it.
Our search for happiness often finds us pointing to external or future events. “I’ll be happy if I lost 20 pounds.” “I’ll be happy when I win the lottery.” “I’ll be happy when my husband finishes the yurt in our backyard so my mother-in-law can get the hell out of my kitchen.”
When I meet people who seem to be chronically angry, I often wonder if they’re ever happy, or if they wake up smiling, but quickly shift gears when someone or something inevitably pisses them off during the day. The people who claim to “just want to be happy” are the same ones that go all road rage in the supermarket, stuck behind an elderly woman unintentionally blocking the aisle while weighing the merits of Aunt Jemima vs. Mrs. Butterworth, or who are cheerful in the morning until they discover that Puddles, the family cat, peed on the couch again, at which point the entire family (including Puddles) has to scramble for cover.
“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be,” Abraham Lincoln. I love this. Happiness is more often a choice than an event. You choose happiness when you:
Think of yourself less. You can’t be the bride at every wedding or the corpse at every funeral. Some days are just not about you. One of my favorite quotes, from Dr. Phil, says “We’d worry less about what other people think about us if we realized how seldom they do.” Boom.
Slow down. We’re all so conditioned to go, go, go, jamming two days of errands into two hours after work. Our “downtime” is packed with projects that we can’t possibly finish unless we forfeit sleep, bathing, and chocolate. We’re frequently cranky and exhausted, and not only are we not happy, if we see anybody who is, we’re taking them down. It’s time to grab a book and head for the lake for the weekend. Say no to driving all over town to search for limited-edition huckleberry Eggos because your kids saw the commercial and thought they looked cool. Sit down and relax. Pour a large glass of iced tea and binge watch The Voice. You’ll achieve Zen much more quickly when you discover that the world won’t end and your family will survive if dinner is a frozen pizza. (Hint: This also works with wine.)
Learn to say “No.” Toddlers learn this word early. Refusing to do what they don’t want to do frees them up to do the things they do want to do. Those tiny tots might be on to something. How can we make time for activities that make us happy when we’re buried under obligations that aren’t “required,” but that we couldn’t refuse? What’s wrong with “No, I’m not available for that”? Take a lesson from a toddler and practice saying “Raincheck?”
When in doubt, assume the best. If a friend makes a comment or sends you a text that could be taken as a compliment or an insult, choose door #1. “I heard you finally quit smoking. Congratulations!” This could mean “Yeah, right. For the 247th time. Forgive me if I don’t pop the cork on the champagne quite yet.” Or it could mean “Great job! I knew you could do it. Let’s celebrate!” Until you have concrete proof that she meant you’re a loser, choose to put your party dress on. Now you’re both happy.
If you can’t imagine what you did to offend someone, you probably didn’t. “I called a friend today and she was totally non-chatty. She must be mad at me for something, but for the life of me, I don’t know what. But I’m not calling her back.” Everybody else’s life is not always about you. Maybe Hubs overdrew the checking account. Again. Maybe Baxter, her beloved Chi-Wienie, impregnated the award-winning toy poodle down the street and its owner is seriously pissed. Maybe her ex ran off to Bora Bora with her sister. If you honestly can’t pinpoint anything you’ve said or done to upset her, choose to believe it wasn’t you. Then take her a bottle of wine and a shoulder.
Find a tribe of happy, supportive people. The people you spend your time with have a huge influence on your attitudes. Their outlook on life, kids, marriage, money, and self-esteem will often become part of yours. Surround yourself with joyful, compassionate people who regularly remind you of the good in your life. Judgmental, whiny idiots who make you question every decision you make or who generally leave you feeling like crap every time you’re together have no place in your bubble. Let them go, and if they’re reluctant, escort them to the door.
Don’t compare yourself to others. We see homeless people or “people from Walmart,” and we secretly think “Thank God, at least that’s not me.” It makes us feel slightly superior or selectively blessed. Great, until we inevitably compare ourselves to others who are “superior” or more blessed than us. 19-year-olds making millions of dollars playing football. Questionably talented Reality TV stars living in multi-million dollar homes. The billionaire’s stunning daughter, who inherited the CEO position of a Fortune 500 company at age 30. So on any given day, God loves us more than a homeless person, but not as much as a baby CEO? STOP. Just…Stop.
Set aside time for fun. All work and no play is no fun. Humans need fun. We need to laugh. We need to try new things and succeed. Or try them and fail gloriously. But, like sex, sometimes fun gets shoved behind bills, kids, work, the marriage, the yard, the dog, and finding out what that moldy smell in the bathroom means. So have fun. Be happy. This one is all about you. And it’s all good.
Such wise words, Vikki, delivered with your usual flair and humor. Just what I needed to read on a sleep-deprived Monday morning!
My pleasure, Roxanne! Thanks for stopping by to comment! :)
Great advice! Thanks for sharing!
You’re welcome, Shari! Happy to see you on Laugh Lines! :)
Great advice!
Thank you, Karen! It was a fun one to write! :)
Love this! Exactly what I try to remember for myself and wisdom I’m trying to reinforce with my 16 year old daughter.
Thanks, Tamra! 16 is a tough age sometimes for girls. Glad I could help! :)
Best article I’ve read–EVER! Sharing this one everywhere!
Thanks, Diane! You just made my day! :)
Great tips. Nothing worse than to be around a bunch of negative or depressed people who don’t think or will admit they are negative or depressed!
Thanks, Haralee! And I totally agree. Buh-bye nasty people! :)
Basically I’m an “up” person & try constantly to get others up. But that’s the Libra in me, keeping balance! But in the end if that other person stays disagreeable, grouchy, whiny whatever that’s their choice. I’ll just be in the background having fun with a smile on my face!
I’m with you, Ms. Cheryl! :)
“No, I’m not available for that” – did that this past weekend and it felt great! Who knew “no” could be so much fun?!
It is, Kimba! It’s fun being a toddler again! :)
I was shocked at your first paragraph at the 80% who would answer the question with only wanting to be happy. Happiness is a choice and sometimes I am sad because I choose to be. Being content in whatever state my life happens to take me is a lifestyle and attitude that can get me through anything. I have no time for whiners but I am also the first one there to encourage them (it’s my job) and what they do with it is their choice.
You’re right, Carol. It’s okay to be sad when that’s what you need to be, but whiny and nasty. Nope. :)
Such great advice! I especially love the one about our friends. I’m getting better at saying “no”, every time I use it!
Thanks, Jennifer! And you’re right, it gets easier every time! :)
Thank God I work with a tribe of happy, supportive people!
I know, Roz! Me too, and I’m thankful every day! :)
Vikki I cannot begin to tell you how perfect this is for my personal situation………….oh and very funny as we come to expect from you!!
Thanks, Bard! That makes me smile! :)
I’ve always loved the Dr. Phil quote. It really sums up the silliness of worrying about what others, usually people we hardly know, think of us. Great advice!
xob
Thanks, Barbara! I’m not always a Dr. Phil fan, but he nailed this one! :)
A happy, supportive tribe is key. I let some members of my tribe go because they were not positive enough!
You’re right, Joyce! Sometimes that’s the only choice left! :)
Great advice Vikki! I am an optimist so I always look at the bright side…probably even when I shouldn’t. I like to believe the best of a person until they prove me wrong. Hubby says I’m gullible. He also thinks he looks like Patrick Swayze lol!
Rena, you’re too funny! :)
This is AWESOME and just what I needed to read
Thanks, Michelle! So glad you liked it! :)
Vikki, great advice as always. My biggest challenge is worrying how I’ve offended someone. I can tell when someone is off their game and, no matter how many times I remind myself that it has nothing to do with me, I keep worrying that it secretly does.
I love your last one–have fun–and particularly how it’s separate and apart from such things as marriage, the bills and the dog. LOL
Thanks, T.O.! I agree with you. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves it’s not always about us! :)
You always give such good advice! I grew up in the hotel business. I learned to talk to strangers! I think this is why I love people. When I was older, I worked for my father during my college years. When I checked in someone, I could tell that nothing at all would ever make them happy! Thanks for the happiness tips!
You’re welcome, Ellen! Thanks for commenting! :)
I love this…especially this line….You can’t be the bride at every wedding or the corpse at every funeral. Some days are just not about you
When I was in the worst of my depression I realized all I did was worry about me….focus on me…and of course I felt worse. and oddly enough I have been comparing myself to others and wondering why I am so blessed. no matter what we can find a way to avoid happiness
Thanks, Donna! That first line was an admonition from my mother, who raised six kids and needed to get to the point quickly. :)
Awlays LOVE your posts. You always say just what I am thinking!
Thanks, Pamela! I love that! :)
Love, love, love. Gonna share the heck out of this…(as a gift to all the “grousers” I know).
Thanks, Victoria! Feel free to share away! :)
Mama always said, “Happiness is a choice.” She was right.
Yes, she was! Aren’t they always? :)
Should be required reading at least once a month…thanks for sharing.
Thanks, Leila! And you’re welcome! :)
There’s a bit of satisfaction to be found in being a generally happy, optimistic, glass-half-full type of person… Especially when it pisses off a grump!
You’re funny, Vicky! And oh, so right! :)
It can be so difficult to remain happy when people are just giving you every reason to be angry! Thanks for the reminder and advice. Life is too short not to be happy.
You’re welcome, Sue! And you’re right. It’s too short to be angry! :)
Slow down. So hard. I know I cause my own problems when I want things to happen instantly for me.
I agree, Jennifer! We’re all about immediate gratification. Sometimes we just need to breeeeathe. :)
Yep, life is too short to get wound up at the irrationality & unfairness of life. Wise words, as always.
Thanks, Gary! :)
Totally agree but when it comes to saying no – something I used to be rubbish at – I do enjoy putting it in much less ladylike terms ending in ‘off’ with persistent offenders.
Gilly, you crack me up! I’m not sure how much trouble I’d get into if I said what I was really thinking! :)
Hi, Vikki
What an awesome list of being happy. People are not happy because
they do oppose of what you suggested. They do take life so seriously.
They assume the worst when in doubt.
Love the post. Will share
Stella Chiu
Totally agree with Abe. We’re as happy as we decide to be. Love that so much and love your list.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Get the message out there. Happy begets happy! Your suggestions are great ways to help people learn how to be happy again, I seriously think many have forgotten how.