My hubs is a vintage guy. He loves all things retro. If I let him select furnishings for the house, you could reasonably assume Judy Jetson was his decorator. He likes ’69 mustangs, turntables for his albums, cassette players for his tapes, and he’d turn our kitchen into a ’50s diner if I left town for more than a day.
He also likes to listen to books on tape (literally), and “mix tapes” that he painstakingly recorded years ago from his frat-house-worthy album collection. My enthusiastic efforts to introduce him to Kindle audio books or an iPod for his music have been met with eye-rolling and deep sighs (okay, whines) of “Noooo, I’m not spending that much time on the computer. It’s okay for you, because you like computers. I don’t.”
Don’t even get him started on the whole cell phone thing. Those, he will tell you, were created by Satan to destroy an entire generation’s ability to communicate in real life and who apparently believe that “you’re” and “your” are interchangeable and both spelled U-R. When I showed him what the iPhone can do, he announced, in no uncertain terms, that he’d rather swap his already-archaic flip phone for a Jitterbug. “I don’t want to take pictures, text-speak to my friends, or play music from my phone. And no self-respecting guy would ask his phone for directions. I just want to make a damn call.”
Then one day, he came home from work, all bummed and frustrated because his boom box finally went on the fritz and started eating his favorite cassette tapes (for those of you born after 1980, ask your parents), leaving him without music on the construction site. Here was my chance. Nobody sells boom boxes or cassettes anymore. If he wanted to hear books or music at work, he was going to have to embrace technology. Welcome to a new era, baby.
The next morning, I handed him my Kindle. “What’s this?” he growled. “It’s an eReader from Amazon. It’s called a Kindle.” “An eReader?” he replied, “That’s a stupid name. Sounds like eColi. Don’t want it.” He handed it back to me and started out the door. “Trust me,” I smiled, “It’s got books on it.” Now I had his attention. “Whole books?” he asked, “On that little thing?” “You’ll be a veritable public library,” I assured him. I showed him how to turn it on, pick a title from my list, and adjust the volume, then headed him out the door to work.
A couple of hours later, I got a call. “What the hell are you listening to, woman?? Joe picked ’50 Shades of Grey.’ His wife told him it was suspense. Well, it’s not. It’s PORN. Three guys called their wives, and one went home for the day. We want some answers.” Hmmm. Seems it’s not so funny when we do it, is it? (Probably not a good time to tell him it’s a series. And a movie.) I told him that the first rule of technology is “Them who owns the device, selects the contents.” In other words, my Kindle, my books; your Kindle, your books. He agreed to buy his own if I’d help with the downloads. Done.
One down, two to go.
The next day, I gently tried to introduce the iPod. “It’s got 1000 songs it,” I said. “I don’t know a thousand songs,” he replied, “And who the hell needs 1000 songs??” I clicked on iTunes and showed him how easy it would be for him to make a playlist of his own. My demonstration just solidified his aversion to technology. Hubs was decidedly unimpressed with the whole iTunes scroll-select-download-playlist process. “All those stupid passwords and song selections take too long,” he said, “and there’s too many choices. I’ve got shit to do. I’ll just borrow yours.”
Oh, this was going to be interesting.
Hubs is into AC/DC, Thin Lizzy, Bruce Springsteen, and somebody called “Meatloaf.” My iPod Faves playlist is 976 songs by Elvis, Lesley Gore, Toby Keith, and Tom Jones. My idea of classic rock is the Eagles’ guitar riff on “Hotel California.” Nevertheless, I handed him my neon pink iPod and Bose portable docking station and watched him drive off, back to the job site, ready to fire it up.
A short while later, there’s The Call. “Seriously??” he said, “What’s New Pussycat?? Where do you get this stuff?!”
Laugh all you want, buddy, but I can hear the entire crew singing boisterously in the background on the “Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa” parts. Somebody’s liking it. But then came “Achy Breaky Heart,” by Billy Ray Cyrus, and he admitted defeat. “I’m coming home, and we’re going to get me that eColi thing that plays books and my own i-whatever-you-call-it, so I can listen to music that won’t make me the laughingstock of entire construction industry.” (Big sigh here) “And will you show me again how your dumb phone works? I’m probably going to need one of those, too.”
Wait ’til he finds out about “apps.”
I created a monster when I introduced my boyfriend to Facebook. He’s on there 24/7 and contacted every old friend he’s ever had (male and female!) Now I’m lucky if I get the computer at all. I need to introduce him to blogs…maybe I can get his nose out of facebook for awhile!
Bev, I feel your pain! I once fired up an audio book on Hubs’ computer for him to listen to, and it’s now his favorite way to “read” while he multitasks. And his computer sits on the dining table. I’ve heard more political intrigue and sci-fi books than Stephen King! :)
You got Hubs to come over to the dark side–congrats! I’m going to start calling all my devices “that eColi thing.” Hysterical, Vikki.
Thanks, Roxanne! He’s taking baby steps, but we’re getting him there. Then again, maybe I should’ve gone the other way… :)
Too funny! Many go kicking and fighting into the new age of technology, but like getting older we all succumb sooner or later.
Thanks, Haralee! Hubs get this “look” on this face when I mention computers and smart phones. I know that look. It says “humph.” I tell it’s his “old curmudgeon” face. It usually gets him to at least listen and try to be interested! :)
I’m literally laughing out loud! thanks for the Monday am pick-me-up!
You’re welcome, Nancy! It’s always great to hear I made someone laugh out loud. Made my day! :)
Love the “eColi” bit. Good for you. Bringing your husband kicking and screaming into the 21st century!
Thanks, Sandra! Yep, kicking and screaming, but still coming into this “new age”! :)
Hilarious! Men seem to be the last to give in to the inevitable. I kept telling my husband, “If you don’t jump in it will take you the rest of your life to catch up.” He finally caught on and now tries to help some of his friends.
It’s a process.
b
Okay, Barbara, your visual of Hubs teaching his friends how to download songs on iTunes had me snorting Diet Coke out of my nose when I burst out laughing. Thanks for the morning laughter!
This is hysterical. Of course I should talk, I’m still using a cassette player myself, they do actually still sell them you know ; )
Although in my case it’s not so much resistance as laziness/lack of motivation – being early-edge generation X I have a rather extensive collection of cassettes from when I was younger and actually buying and listening to music – these days I just don’t listen that much, mostly just when I’m cooking and then I just like to pop a favorite cassette in.
I’m still using an old-school unsmart phone too – I tell my friends “It plays Tetris, what more could you want?” – in this case it actually is resistance, but reversed, I don’t want a smartphone because I already spend too much time on the internet and I think I would find the thing addictive in exactly the way I don’t like seeing in others!
Bonnie, a cassette player AND a dumb phone? If Hubs ever met you, I’d be tossed under the ex-wife bus! Now THAT would be love at first sight! :)
EEEK!
I do love my computer though! :D
Oooh! Do you think there’s hope for my Husby? He has an iPhone but never takes it anywhere. He does use his iPad. To scroll news articles. And that’s it. Anything else: Facebook. Apps. Music. All were created by Lord Voldemort to enslave us.
He may be right . . .
Diane, I can’t decide which would be worse – him having an iPhone that he doesn’t take to work, or one that he does. One time, he dropped his flip phone in a bucket of paint and then pressure-washed it to clean it. One down. Another time, he left it on the hood of his truck and drove off. Two down. By the third call to AT&T for a new phone, they told him he was uninsurable for one year. Love him, but… :)
LOL Vikki!
This is too funny! I remember how my hubs was when I introduced him to a Kindle Fire. This was very recent by the way. He was like “I don’t read”. I said “Yes, I know but you’ve been playing games on your phone while surfing with your laptop. Play the games on the Fire!” Oh, now homeboy is hooked! I had to remind him to not purchase anything because it is linked to our account. Can’t have him buying all those crap apps!
I’m sure your hubs is gonna love the apps! Looking forward to a follow-up post!
B
Hysterical! But, you did it!!!! :-)
Too funny! A few years ago this was my husband. He had an old flip phone and didn’t text. Then he got this job and they handed him an iPhone which he promptly brought home and demanded that I teach him how to text – after tearing my hair out for several hours, he finally got the gist of it.
Too funny! I thought my husband was the only guy still in the electronic stone-age. He took to the Kindle pretty well, until he realized how much his e-books are costing him. Now he’s back at the used bookstore, trading in his paperbacks. He still gripes about “having” to give up his flip phone, and the IPod? Never happening.
So funny and I have “What’s New Pussycat?” on my I-Pod too. (Thank God I’m not the only one).
HaHaHA!! I have one of those! I finally got my BF to give up his flip phone for a smart phone. He can now find and read text messages but I have to show him how to reply every time. And you can forget about the computer or tablet. He won’t touch either of them.