Conduct any kind of survey, and you’d be hard pressed to find anyone who doesn’t agree that social media has forever changed the way our society communicates with each other.
Conversations that used to have to wait until we saw each in person or when one of us got the message on our answering machine after we got home from work now take place instantly. Now we have Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Pinterest, and dozens of other social cyber groups that we can use to dazzle thousands of people we’ve never actually met with reports and photos of our exciting or perfect lives, or solicit virtual group hugs because some disaster has befallen us.
In most cases, I love Facebook, Twitter has its purposes, and Pinterest can be downright addicting. The communication mode that continues to baffle me is texting.
It’s not that I don’t know how to do it (my then-10-year-old taught me). Or that it’s become the downfall of English grammar and punctuation (without question). Or even that I see people doing it at work, at restaurants and movie theaters, and stupidly, while driving (yep, people are still doing that). But I recently stood next to a couple texting each other while in the same room. It was all I could do to not grab the guy and ask, “Don’t you know she’s standing right over there??”
Texting appears to have replaced the art of live communication. It’s not real. It works beautifully for conversations like “What time are we meeting?” “9:30.” “Okay.” But true communication requires context. Visual cues, body language, and facial expressions. Sometimes what we have to say needs to be said In Real Life. Sometimes we just need to put down the phone and talk to each other.
The Texting Never-Never List:
1. Angry texts. “Pick up your damn phone!” “Where the HELL are you??” If you want to shout at me, do it when I can shout back or slam the door in your face. There’s no sport in text-fighting.
2. Marriage proposals. Seriously?? Unless you’re in a war zone or under a mountaintop avalanche and these could possibly be your last words, “Will you marry me?” in a text is the least romantic proposal ever.
3. Breakup or Divorce texts. “I love you, but it’s just not working for me anymore.” Or “I’m leaving you for our daughter’s college roommate. Remember Porsche?” What are you, like, 12?? If you’ve spent 20 years together, bought a house and a dog, and had two kids with this woman, grow up and go tell her in person.
4. Group texts. I hate these. Someone blasts a text out to you and a dozen or so people you don’t know, who then proceed to have an on-going, active discussion amongst themselves, resulting in your text message notification beeper going off all. day. long.
5. Cryptic texts. “Clinic just called with my test results back. Need to talk to you.” “The police were just here. Call me.” These require multiple back-and-forths, trying to get to the point. Save us all time and call me to tell me exactly what’s going on.
6. Douche texts. “Great to meet you last night. What’s your friend’s number?” Or “Wife is out of town. Wanna hook up?” How about you give me your wife’s number, buddy?
7. Idiot texts. These include all texts to your drug dealer or bookie. “Hey, I’m in the parking lot. Has the stuff arrived yet?” Or “I lost again? Crap. I’ll have your money tomorrow.” It’s been done.
8. Sexy texts (or God forbid, photo texts of your naked junk) to someone other than your wife. Ask any politician how this one ends.
9. Bad news texts. “You’re fired.” Or “Wrecked your car, dude.” Just bad form.
10. Premature texts. “I love you,” when neither of you has said it before. It just lacks a little…well, it lacks everything.
11. Trash talking texts. “Suzie is such a slut.” Or “What does she see in that guy? He’s a pig.” You now have no plausible deniability that you said those things. And once it’s in someone’s message box, you have no control over who that person sends them to. This would include sending it to Suzie. Or the pig.
12. Death in the family. This includes Binkie, the family cat. “At your house. I think your cat is dead” or worse, “Great-Aunt Bertha died. Call home” should never be delivered via typed message. Grab a bottle of wine, some tissues, and deliver this in person.
13. Apology texts. A casual text for a minor indiscretion (“Sorry I didn’t join up with you guys last night. Bad shrimp. Will call later) is acceptable. But if you’ve really stepped in it, and you need to undo something BIG, any attempts to make light or be cute will backfire. “Sry. I was a jerk 4 sleeping with yr sister. Forgive?” is just tacky.
13. The deep texts. Trying to resolve or debate anything more significant than what time to meet at the restaurant after work is just stupid via texting. Long, complicated texts are hard to read and require the reader to reply with something equally pithy. If you want to talk about the meaning of life, or whether or not you should splurge on that rockin’ black leather jacket, come over. I’ll pour the wine.
14. Sarcastic texts. If you’re pissed off because he forgot to pick up the wine on the way home or he forgot to tell you he was bringing four guests over for dinner, texting a “Thanks for thinking about me, jackass” will make you feel better only until you come face-to-face with this person again. Sarcasm can take a minor annoyance and turn it into a full-fledged street brawl in 60 seconds flat.
14. Drunk texts. Anything you have to say after more than three drinks or after midnight, whichever comes first. This includes jokes (trust me, they won’t still be funny in the morning), rants to your boss (the only time when “You’re fired” texts can be appropriate), or drunk begging to an ex you want back (yeah, that won’t be humiliating at breakfast).
So please, every once in a while, put down your phone. Or better yet, turn it off. Then let’s go have lunch and just talk.
Ahhhhhh
If only this didn’t happen in real life. I know of two women forived the I WANT A DIVORCE.
BY. TEXT.
Carla, Ouch! I know it’s been done, but it’s just soooo bad! :)
I think we’re all going to end up like the movie “Her” and we only have our operating systems as friends. I can’t believe how far people use texting when a phone call or in-person is so much more appropriate than other times. Love the sign!!
Thanks, Cathy! We’re losing the art of face-to-face conversation, which is too bad, because it’s “funner!” :)
I don’t mind text to a point, but I hate the new trend of using it for business. I have to put my glasses on to read it, put them on to reply and I would so much rather type an email on my computer with it’s full sized keyboard.
I’m with you, Vanessa! I’m half blind, with chubby fingers. I wasn’t built for texting! :)
I dislike texting! However, it’s how people are communicating these days!
Sadly, Sarah, it is. :)
You mean, we should actually talk to other people. With our voices.
But I love texting. It means I can type out the exact thing I need to say, get to the point, and press send, without having to waste my precious time on all those irrelevant small talk platitudes – like
hello, how are you, yes we had a great holiday, no I don’t want to tell you all about it, I’m concentrating on this right now, and I just need your answer so I can get it done, Oh bugger, now I have to ask how your kids are and pretend to be interested in the answer, yep, we really should sort out a playdate, except my kids secretly don’t like yours, so now I have to find an excuse, can I have the answer now please, ok, bye, yep, forgot that, bye, yes, that too, yes it was funny, bye, no, not that one, yes, bye, please go!
See – texting was made for me!
I AGREE!
Piper, there are times when I love texting, too! It’s short, to the point, and doesn’t require back-and-forth silly conversation that neither of you really cares about. I just don’t like it as a primary means of intimate or life-changing conversations. :)
Yes, let’s talk to other people! Great concept.
I agree, Estelle! Face-to-face, verbal conversations. What a concept! :)
This is SUCH a pet peeve of mine! A good friend texted me “happy birthday’. Period. No card. No call. NOTHING. Not even an email. Bahhh!
Carol, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. If you care enough to remember my birthday, at least leave a voice mail! :)
I just did that to my niece. She did not answer the phone and her voice mail was full. I tried for or 5 times over the course of the day. Finally just sent a text that said Tried to call hope you are out having the time of your life. Happy Birthday.
Yes, yes, and yes! Put down your g.d. phone and talk to the person you’re with.
If we haven’t seen each other in months, or even weeks, give US the ability to have a conversation. Just the two of us. Talking on your cell phone or texting when you’re with someone is downright rude.
I agree, Beth! It’s amazing to me that so many people don’t understand how rude that is! :)
I. don’t. text. I love FB; I miss email (nobody seems to use it anymore except someone trying to sell me something) But. I. don’t. text. Ever.
Bob, you’re a rare (and wonderful) breed! :)
Personally I like texting because it isn’t time consuming the way calls can be. I still like email too. They’re all just forms of technology though with nothing inherently good or bad about them. To me it’s a sort of emotional/social intelligence to know when something is not appropriate. In other words the guy who slept with your sister won’t send you a hand-written note! And FWIW I’m perfectly happy when friends text me “happy birthday”!
Kay, you’re right. “I slept with your sister” probably shouldn’t be written down or texted. No plausible deniability down the road! :)
My husband will not talk on the phone while riding home on public transportation. He simply will not do it. Texting has been a godsend for us. If I need to meet him somewhere, ask him to run by the grocery store on the way back from the bus stop, I can text him. If he’s going to be late, he’ll text. There are times when texting works.
Anne Louise, you’re absolutely right! There are times when texting is the best invention ever. It gets a short, informational message to someone quickly, with no distractions or confusion. it’s the Big Moments where I find it lacking. :)
I remember waaaaay back when I thought it odd that people in the same office would email each other. Oh how things change. I like to text to stay in touch, thinking about you, or as news points,running late, pick up bread, eta?, etc. But #5 I call the drama texts are not needed. No one likes drama.
Haralee, Exactly! Drama texts are a big time suck, and I’ve never seen one that helped the situation. :)
AMEN, Vikki! Thank you!
Glad you liked it, Beverly! :)
Okay, your title scared the crap out of me for a second!! I figured there was NO WAY after all of your adorable stories about your husband, but still. Don’t scare us like that!! :)
OMGosh, Shay, I never thought of that! Guess it’s a good thing Hubs doesn’t read my blog! :)
Yes, yes, yes. I love it! you nailed it
Thanks, ohmandelynn! I’m tickled that you liked it! :)
Does anyone use their phone anymore for phonecalls? I’m thinking they should just be called “texters”. BB2U
I agree, BB! It’s like turn signals on cars. Just leave them off. No one uses them anyway! :)
The group texts drive me nuts too. They are so much worse than group e-mails ugh.
In our family if you take your phone out during dinner, you buy dinner!
Love that, Doreen! We have a “drop your keys AND your phone in the basket” rule at our house! :)
I want a divorce, by text? Oh boy. That stings.
It would, Tam! Kind of tacky, don’t you think? :)
So funny, ’cause it’s true- there are a lot of snafus in there! I learned to text when my kids went to college and love it for communicating little details going on in everyone’s lives. I’m still slow with it, normally only get out about 1 text to their 3 in any conversation, I can’t believe how fast the kids type on their phones – my thumb-brain coordination is dismal.
I’m with you! Texting is great for quick, simple responses to little details. Just not for the “big stuff” in our lives. And I’m so slow at it, the event is usually over before I tell everybody what time to be there! :)
How on earth did we plan GNOs before texting and emailing though? Did we seriously used to call everybody to figure out a time and place?
Julie, I remember those days! Yes, there were a lot of “phone trees” where everyone called the next person on the list. We all got to know each other over the course of a year! :)
I HATE TEXTING!!! Seriously, I really do. I can do it but honestly just wish everyone would answer their damn phones! Thanks for sharing via Midlife Bloggers :)
Thanks, Beth! I agree. If I need to talk to someone about something important and I can’t be with them face-to-face, the telephone is the next best choice. :)