A girlfriend called me last weekend, all stressed out because she’d gotten out of bed that morning, and when she looked in the mirror, she was stunned to see an “old lady” looking back at her. “How the hell did this happen?” she wailed. “I thought I looked pretty good. But if I saw me on the street, I’d say ‘That woman is in her mid-sixties.’ I wouldn’t mind if I was in my mid-sixties. I’m 58. What am I doing wrong??” I knew exactly what she was asking.
Studies show that Boomer women don’t necessarily want to look younger. We understand that once we hit fifty and beyond, we’ll never be mistaken for thirty-five again. Many women have tried. Most have failed miserably, looking like caricatures of their original selves. Hollywood is a shining lesson in “What could go wrong??” attempts to recapture youth. (Google Meg Ryan, Mickey Rourke, Goldie Hawn, Kenny Rogers, Priscilla Presley, or Cat Woman. I’m so cancelling my next Botox appointment.)
Even if we could take a decade or so off our faces (with a perennial money tree in our back yard and a licensed plastic surgeon on speed-dial), the lined skin on our hands and chests, the cellulite on our thighs, and the matronly widening of our hips, all shout out to the world “Yes, you little Twinkie, I’m old.” But intelligent Boomers are letting go of the depressing and futile chase to regain lost youth, and are now claiming to want to look simply more vibrant, more “awake.” Less weathered, less tired. This is actually easier than you think.
If you’ve ever looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize the person staring back at you, or you’ve ever been told that you and your mother look like sisters (yes, your mother is beautiful, but the fact is, she’s at least twenty years older than you. Ouch), consider changing a few habits that can make you look beyond your years. Yes, you can be gorgeous at seventy, when you’re seventy. But if you’re sixty at that time, consider dumping these habits:
Using the same skincare products you’ve used for years. The skin you had in college is not the same as the skin you have as a grandmother. Over time, our skin gets thinner and more fragile. Years of environmental damage, alcohol, stress, smoking, fatigue, tanning beds, and questionable lifestyle choices can turn our faces into topographical maps of the Himalayas. Women will sometimes say things like “I love my lines. They show a life lived.” (Call me shallow, but I don’t want every dumb thing I did during my misspent youth outed to the world from my face before we’ve been introduced.) Teenage skincare products won’t do a thing to put the glow back in skin that resembles a wizened Tunisian goat herder. Get anti-aging skincare products from any of the heavy hitters (Lauder, Lancome, Clinique, Kiehl’s), and your skin will keep your secrets, well…secret.
Not exfoliating your skin. Exfoliation is The Key to making everything else you do actually work. Dead skin cells lie on your face like a shingle roof. You don’t want that. Products can’t get in. $85 for a night cream that’s not absorbed into the skin will just give you expensive pillow cases. Toxins can’t get out. They sit there for weeks and screw with your collagen levels, hydration, and cell turnover (all essential to healthy, gorgeous skin). The result is dull, patchy skin that many women try to resolve with makeup. Can’t be done. The problem isn’t your makeup. It’s the skin underneath it. Exfoliate gently every day. You’re not refinishing a coffee table, so elbow grease is not required. Virtually any exfoliating product will work, but the simplest and cheapest method is to use an exfoliating mitt, available at drugstores. You can use it in the shower. Slip it on. squeeze on a dollop of your favorite body wash, and gently massage your face for about fifteen seconds. Use the leftover suds on the rest of your body. And there you go. Skin like a baby’s booty. This one will make a more dramatic and immediate difference than anything else you can do.
Using sunscreen only during the summer. When you’re at the beach. Sun damage can occur any time or any day of the year. Summer sun (UVB rays) and winter sun (UVA rays) are both capable of turning your skin into an old boot. The is an equal-opportunity skin enemy. It doesn’t care what you’re doing in it. Whether you’re lying on the beach with a space blanket and baby oil, or going outside to walk your dog, if you’re not practicing safe sun, it will show up on your face. And UVA rays are sneaky little skin wreckers. They lull you with false beliefs, calling you, assuring you that they can’t do any damage because it’s February. And it’s snowing. They’re lying. Find a good sunscreen, in at least a 15 SPF, and make it part of your morning routine. Don’t look outside or Google the weather forecast for the day. It doesn’t matter. Wear your sunscreen. Every. Single. Day. Rain or shine. You’ll kill it at your 50th high school reunion.
Avoiding hair color products. After fifty, our hair color begins to lose it’s vibrancy. It fades and goes “mousy.” The beautiful pale hair you had growing up is now dishwater blonde. Your gorgeous rich chocolate color has become rodent-brown. Your stunning jet black is now more faded charcoal. If you’re feeling adventurous, this is a fun time to experiment with something new. (You’re sixty. You get to do whatever the hell you want.) Bleach it blonde. Try a fabulous shade of red. Add a little burgundy to your black. If you’re a nature baby, get a product designed to cover just the gray. Hair color products have come a long way, and can actually get your hair in better shape than it was before. They’ll add shine, depth, and light-play to your hair. Boom. 30-minute “youth-er-izer.” (My new word. Don’t you love it?)
Wearing the same makeup you’ve always worn. In the same colors. Clothing trends change. So do makeup trends. And new products arrive almost daily. Many makeup products now also work as skin care products, simplifying our morning routines. This isn’t about jumping on every dramatic trend you see on overpaid tweener fashion models (cat’s eye liner, iridescent blue eyeshadow) who wear stupid fleece boots with their Daisy Duke shorts. It’s about being open to trying new colors and products that work with your age and your skin at this moment. If you’re in a makeup rut, go to Nordstrom, Macy’s, Sephora, or Ulta and find a salesclerk in the cosmetic department who wears makeup that appeals to you, and have her do yours. It’s a free service. Yes, she’ll probably try to upsell you on more products than you need or want. That’s her job. But you don’t have to buy everything she shows you. They don’t expect you to. And who knows? Maybe you’ll finally find that elusive, but perfect lipstick.
Now you can say, “This is what 58 looks like.” And it’s fabulous.
so true Vicki. I’m now here in TX where it is hot, hot, hot in August and September. my skin feels better with humidity. I began using Boom products and fell in love. They enhance my 68 year old skin. love it. Cathy Joseph is the founder so please read her history.
love ya
Maureen, I’ve heard about this line, and it’s been greatly reviewed. I love new products. I’ll give this a peek! Thanks! :)
I’m 71. Many are surprised at my age, thinking I’m from 58-early 60’s. I am Vegan, I exercise daily (chair yoga, walking, and ocean swimming, when I can.) I buzz my own hair really short and comfortable, I do not color my hair, and I do not wear makeup. Awhile back, someone told me I have beautiful skin, and asked what kind of moisturizer I use. I don’t use any.
Kanani Elaine Kai, you’re blessed. And you work hard to maintain those blessings. We could all learn something here. Thank you for stopping by and taking a moment to comment! :)
I’ve been seeing that same old lady in the mirror. I’ve been thinking about having one of those in-store makeup sessions…your post is the kick in the arse I need to just do it. Thanks, Vikki!
Roxanne, I love getting my makeup done by someone else. If I’m feeling confident, I go into the store without any makeup on at all, so she/he doesn’t have any idea what my “look” has been for the last several years. She can start fresh, through her eyes. Sometimes I don’t like the end result, but there’s been many time when I’ve discovered a whole, new, fresher look and I’ve loved it!
I love the word, ‘Youth-er-izer’! My hair always looks shiny and great after a color and I do wait way too long, when it looks dull and gray grow out, before I get it youth-er-izer again.
I’m with you, Haralee! I need my youth-er-izer every couple of weeks. Thank God I can do it at home myself! :)
I’ve always avoided the department store cosmetic counter, because I didn’t want to deal with the upselling sales clerk. I have a hard time saying no and letting them down. However, maybe concentrating on just one item for one specific thing might be the way to go without breaking the bank. Good tips, thanks Vikki!
You’re very welcome, Laurie! Just be specific on what you’re looking for, and don’t waver. The good ones will work to please YOU, not their supervisors. :)
Hey Vikki! Love this post! At 48, I’d like to say I can still get away for 38, however, those damn wrinkles on my face (and bootay) and the gray sparkles shining through my hair are making it less realistic every day now. However, I would never resort to botox or other cosmetic surgeries. I’m going to embrace the process, for now, and pray I don’t get too desperate at wanting to look like Meg Ryan or Joan Rivers. Oy vey…..
Bren, Thank you! The great thing about all us Boomers getting older is that we’re much less judgmental about how each of us chooses to deal with it. To Botox or not to Botox? Whatever works for you! Life is so much simpler at 60. :) So glad to see you on Laugh Lines!
When I hit 50, more than a decade ago, I realized my upper chest and neck were beginning to look wizened and wrinkly from the dry climate we lived in. I started using the same exfoliant, cleansers and moisturizer on them that I use on my face, rather than buying and remembering to use separate products. Great results, using Olay or other affordable brands. I found a Garnier combination cleanser/exfoliant/masque (in a tube) that works great for my sometimes dry, sometimes oilier skin. The main ‘secret’ I have found is to be consistent in frequently using moisturizers and sunscreen; I read a long time ago that women tend to skimp on the amount particularly if they are using expensive lotions; if you wear makeup, allow a little extra time after applying so the product can be absorbed and not smear the makeup.
Valleycat, you’re absolutely right on all points. Consistency is everything in skin care. Sometimes women say they use high-end products “whenever they remember” or when they’re going out.” Or they’ll say, “I bought that product and tried it a couple of times, but didn’t see any results.” Retin-A will repair sun damage, but the results take several months of consistent use to show up. Many creams will take at least one month, until your skin “turns over” again. It’s hard to explain that sometimes to a woman that just paid $100 for a moisturizer, though. She wants to see better skin right freakin’ now! :)
mY COMMENT DISAPPEARED!
Kanani Elaine Kai, I have it showing up on my screen, three comments above. It doesn’t show up on yours? That’s very odd.
Perfect timing. I just looked in the mirror and was horrified. I am on my 3rd flu like thing after getting a flu shot this month but still.
I searched and read everything I could and just bought all new makeup.
Now I need to make a habit of exfoliating.
Doreen, we’ve all had those horrifying moments! I believe they exist to get us to step up our game every now and then. But having said, I always blame it on the lighting. :)
hard to add anything to a definitive list. But exfoliating: also good for the whole bod–or for at least for keeping the sweet scent of not being old old old.
Penpen, I agree. Exfoliating is magical for helping skin stay translucent and smooth. Everyone should be doing it! :)
How oh-so true is this? I’ve never been the girlie-girl type but a little make-up and self-care can go a long way. Not only in how we “look” but also in how we feel about ourselves. Love thyself. Isn’t this in the bible or something?
PS. This is a great reminder! Thanks for writing and sharing it :-)
Mona, you’re so right. Why is it that we can be so kind to everyone but ourselves?
At some point I stopped trying to look younger and became content to look alive. After years of ill health, now I was to look and be healthy.
I have grown to love my face because whenever I miss my departed Mum, all I have to do is look in the mirror.
Beth, I think that’s where a lot of women are going these days. It’s no longer about chasing something as irretrievable as youth. We prefer to think of it as “rested and vibrant.” I love the comment about your Mum.
You always have good tips! Thanks for the reminders re exfoliating. I’m ready to replace the I-can’t-squeeze-out-one-more-drop tube I have! And am really stepping up the moisturizer and eye cream because, as of two weeks ago, I got a Medicare card–if you know what I mean!
Risa, I know exactly what you mean! I have my AARP card, and Medicare is a breath away. And we look pretty good for a couple of old broads, don’t you think? :)
Great tips! I went to see a make-up consultant a few months ago. What a great thing to do for some knowledge and a boost of confidence!
Thanks, Lynne! I know what you’re saying. So many women I meet are hesitant to go see somebody for makeup advice, because they don’t want to be pressured to buy. I understand that. But I just tell them to stand firm and go for the knowledge and the pampering. You can never have too much of that! :)
Thank you for these important reminders. I’m 55 and take good care of myself, but time is definitely starting to catch up. Still, my granddaughter said to her mom a while back, “My Papa and Grandma are weird. Papa’s old, but Grandma isn’t.” (We’re only two years apart.) She’s been my favorite grandchild ever since. :-)
Oh my, I see a private college in that child’s future. “Love from Grandma.” I have a four-year-old granddaughter that thinks she’s already been accepted to Harvard, because I keep telling if she gets any more adorable, Grandma is sending her to college someday! :)
I must look half way to fabulous then, as I’ve never used hair dye or make up!
Hello!
I just loved this article. I have not visited your blog before but hit on it from a Pinterest link. I plan on being a regular visitor! I recently turned 60 and still think of myself as being in my 50s LOL. My brain refuses to acknowledge it yet. I am fighting the aging process all the way…tretinoin (I work in a dermatologist office so lots of goodies there), exercise, healthy diet… we can only try. Even if I don’t always get the results I want, I feel better for doing it, which for me personally is vital to my mental well-being.