One of my clearest memories from high school was an afternoon, sitting in the library with a group of friends, and chatting about what we imagined we’d be doing in the year 2000 (which, at that time, seemed a million years away).
Naturally, there were those over-achievers who believed they’d be running the country through well-paid political office (or, if they were class valedictorians, from the White House), curing cancer, or homeschooling their six adopted Russian children in their yurt. Others were a tad less aspirational, but still admirable. They saw their older selves teaching inner-city kids, or leading a church flock to salvation.
All I remember thinking was that I’d be 43 and it wouldn’t matter how I looked anymore, so I could stop dieting and toss my tight, junior-sized jeans and tiny cheerleading skirts forever. I’d live out my remaining days in muu-muus from Hilo Hattie’s, eating whatever I liked and simply tenting the 30 pounds I’d inevitably pack on as a result. At 43, I’d be past the age where it mattered. “Old age” had a clear upside. (Yes, I was shallow. I was also 15. But that’s redundant.)
When I look back on that moment, it always makes me laugh. God, I knew nothing, and didn’t have a clue about life outside of high school. They say “Youth is wasted on the young.” I agree. I often wonder how different our lives might be if we knew at 20 what we know at 50. The possibilities of youth, combined with the wisdom of age. Would our priorities have been different? Would our relationships have been healthier? Would we have been better parents? Better partners? Followed our dreams earlier?
If I could go “back to the future” and talk to my teenage self, here are some things I wish I’d known then:
1. Whenever possible, ignore means girls and their posse. At your 20th class reunion, Bitsy will be living in a trailer park with four kids and a sporadically employed husband, spending her days in wine-infused walks down memory lane, when she was all that.
2. Stop comparing. There will always be somebody younger, prettier, and thinner than you. Comparisons just make us more competitive with other women, and someday we might need each other.
3. Be kind. Karma is real. And she can be a bigger bitch than you.
4. Learn to laugh at yourself. If you don’t, somebody else will. If you can’t laugh at your foibles, you come across as an self-important douche with no sense of humor.
5. If you’re not happy, it’s your problem. Fix your own crap. Everybody else has their own to work out. Don’t expect them to work out yours.
6. Pick your battles. Is this issue still going to be important in 20 years? If so, suit up and fight it out. If not, let it go. And really, in 50 years, we’ll all be dead and none of this will matter.
7. No matter how wonderful you are, there will be people who don’t like you. Cut them loose.
8. Forgive. We’re all human. We screw up. Accept apologies when offered, and then forget about it. You’ll both be happier.
9. If you love someone, tell them. Even if they don’t say it back. Love is a gift, and nobody ever died from being too generous.
10. Share. If you have something that could make another person’s journey a little easier, share it. Trust that it will come back to you in ways you might not even imagine. You don’t need to keep score. The universe has a wonderful way of balancing the scales.
11. Learn from your mistakes and let go of “what you could have done better.” Learn something and do it better next time..
12. Make yourself a priority. Letting your loved ones run you ragged, sacrificing your mental and physical health to make sure they’re comfy and happy every minute of every day does not make you a good person. It makes you a doormat.
13. Chasing a goal can be as much fun as achieving it.
14. You’ll worry less about what people think of you if you realize how seldom they do.
15. If you don’t ask, you don’t get. Even the people who love you can’t read your mind.
16. What’s the #1 rule of negotiation? Figure out what’s in it for the other guy. (Believe it or not, he doesn’t always care what works for you.) If you can do this, you can achieve world peace.
17. Never let fear of failure hold you back. Trying is half the fun, and failure makes for great stories at a party. People will always be more interested in your failures than your successes.
18. Surround yourself with people who love you, who encourage you, and who celebrate who you are. If they criticize, judge, or belittle you, they’re gone.
19. Be good to the people you love. We’re all busy. Take the time to give back. The world is full of old, lonely people who never took care of the people who loved them, and now nobody does.
20. Consider carefully what you’re chasing. Eternal youth? Not possible. Money? May cost you more than it gives. Fame? Fleeting at best.
21. Be the first to say “I’m sorry.” Even if they’re wrong. Sometimes you have to choose between being right or having a relationship with this person. Choose wisely.
22. Happiness is a decision. “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.” (And life is just more fun if you’re happy.)
23. Remember, no matter what you’re going through, just breathe. This too shall pass.
Yes! These are all beautiful and spot on. Especially about Bitsy!
Thanks, Estelle! Glad you liked it. (And we all knew a Bitsy!) :)
Sage advice. I wish I could go back to a situation and see what was I thinking at that moment. I am afraid often I would find not a thing, so maybe it is best to just move forward!
I wasn’t particularly “deep” when I was a teenager! Why do we learn this stuff so much later? :)
Love this…so awesome!!! I always feel so good after reading your posts.
Thanks, Pamela! What a lovely thing to say! :)
Another winner of a post, Vikki! I might add: Don’t sleep with a guy just because he wants to sleep with you. It really doesn’t validate your desirability or your worth. It just means he’s horny.
Thanks, Roxsnne! Ooh, that’s a good one. I’m using in my next revision (with credit due, of course!) :)
I adore the ease. And I knew I was officially not young when I truly began to think every single one of these :-)
Neither was I, Carla! Took me about 60 years! :)
This is some of the best advice I’ve seen. I know people who ought to tattoo it on their foreheads. Oh, now maybe I should do that so everyone sees it. But seriously, true, dat. All of it.
Thanks, Carol! We could inscribe it up their arms, for some light reading when they’re on the subway! :)
It’s amazing that when we’re 20 we think we know it all and at 50 we realize that we know nothing! Age is definitely wasted on the youth! Loved this Vikki!
Thanks, Rena! Isn’t it amazing that when you haven’t lived long enough to know it all, you still believe you have the answers to the universe? I think they saying goes, “The older I get, the smarter my parents get.” Hmmm… :)
And these are great reminders for my 50 year old self now!!!! jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
Jodi, I’m pinning them on my refrigerator! I forget sometimes, too! :)
This: “Be kind. Karma is real. And she can be a bigger bitch than you.” Truth, Sister friend. All of it! Great post. Erin
Thanks, Erin! Love seeing you here on Laugh Lines! :)
Thumbs up! Thumbs up!
Thanks, Bob! You’re always welcome to the party! :)
This is an awesome list. If this is a test, I’m happy to report some of those I was practicing when I was 20 and number 12 just recently sank in. But I’m angry to report I still can’t teach myself number 15 – arrested development with that one, I guess. ugh!
I’ve thought of this often, what if we knew then what we know now. So much changes, as out perspective changes. Perfect list!
Thanks so much, Christina! Maybe youth AND wisdom wouldn’t us anything to look forward to! :)
I wonder if we will be even smarter and wiser at 70?
Gosh, I wish I could go back……. so many things I’d change. I often say, “If I knew then what I know now..” Thanks for the reminder!
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! Vikki, these are ALL wonderful, and I so needed your post today. Each one of your points is vitally important, and imperative to a content life. Again, thank you!
My pleasure, Beverly! I love your enthusiasm! :)
Bravo! Well said. Oh, to go back in time. Yes, I would have done somethings differently. I do like your list. I should make it into a sampler to look at often. Thanks.
Thanks, Sandra! And if you make those samplers, I want one! :)
What a wonderful list! Every single point is really important but I love the one about avoiding comparisons – it’s taken me so long in life to learn that lesson and I wasted so much time feeling unworthy because of it. I’m compiling a list of things I want to teach my granddaughters and your points are spot on and will be included. I’ll pin this to my inspirational quotes board. Thank you from Australia, via the GRAND Social.
Girl! You really hit the nail on the head. I remember those kids lounging on the Blue Wave making plans. (Was that there when you dreamed together?) Each one saw their future clearly and many have been surprised. Some were right on track. I bet you never dreamed you’d grow up to be a philosopher.
Lynne, I didn’t know exactly how, but I always knew you’d make a difference! See, I WAS smart! :)
All of these are spot on. My particular fave? You don’t need to keep score. SO, SO, true.
Great list and sage advice, Vikki! Where were you with this list a few decades ago????? :-)
I’m surrounded by early 20s with little life experience outside their parents’ home. It amazes me how much they think they know about life. I hate to be all ageist and shiz, but man, at 35 I can’t help looking smug and giving these kids a serious eye roll at times.
Life is a bitch and it can be damn hard some days. Sometimes it’s better to just stay home and curl up with a book and a cocktail.
Awesome great advise for all. I think you have to choose your battles in life and hopefully there are very few. Keep laughing and this keep you up beat. I personally believe people that laugh and are funny live longer and have a better out look on life.
All so very very true. As always, you rock like a hurricane.
This is awesome! I’ve been working on a similar post. It will be posted in October.
When I was 15, I could never even imagine being 44, my real age no. And I thought I was FAT back then. I’m 30 pounds heavier now. I would have just died if I had known that I would some day be a size 8! :)
Perfect ideas for a beautiful life!
Love this Vikki! Great advice at any age.
This list is right on the mark. Turning 50 and a cancer survivor, I can relate to every one of your 23 bullets. Truly each day I wake up is a blessing and I try really hard to remember the important things in life.
I really liked reading this post. Thanks.
Great list, Vikki! I would LOVE to go back in time to my younger self and share all the wisdom I’ve gained along the way.
Love, love, LOVE #3. I think we need to put that on a bumper sticker and get t-shirts!!