The Google universe is awash with humorous articles and blog posts on “Momisms” and advice we received during our boomer generation childhoods. Our parents had a seemingly never-ending list of admonitions ready to fire off as we grew up, designed to teach us good manners, the importance of an education, the necessity of safe sex, the dangers of alcohol and drugs, and a host of other lessons we required before we became suitable for launching into an unsuspecting society. Despite our melodramatic sighs, eye rolling, and “When I grow up, I’m never going to say this to my kids” vows, most of us found ourselves repeating these to our own children years later.
But just as our nests are emptying, midlifers everywhere are discovering that our work is not yet finished. Many boomers have said goodbye to their offspring, only to quickly shift into caring for their elderly parents. Now we find ourselves once again repeating childhood admonitions, but now back to Mom and Dad, and with a slight twist.
“Don’t drink and drive.”
“Don’t medicate and drive.”
“You’re only 15. You’re too young to drive.”
“You’re 90. You’re too old drive.”
“Nothing good ever happens after midnight.”
“What happens after 10 p.m., you shouldn’t be participating in.”
“Turn off the TV and play outside.”
“Turn off the TV and play outside.”
“Get an education so you can get a great job and live the good life.”
“Own less. Do more.”
“Get out there and make your own success.”
“Ask for help.”
“Call your Mom.”
“Text your grandkids (We’ll show you how. Again).”
“Don’t forget to take a jacket.”
“Don’t forget your keys, your purse, and where you live.”
“Don’t talk to strangers. They might not be good people.”
“Introduce yourself to everyone in the facility. They’re your new ‘tribe.'”
“Share your toys.”
“Be careful giving your stuff to people you don’t know. You might not get it back.”
“Hit the light switch when you leave the room.”
“Clap twice when you leave the room.”
“Don’t hold grudges. It’s not healthy.”
“Don’t hold grudges. Neither of you has time.”
“Be productive. Git ‘er done!”
“Take lots of naps. Naps are good.”
“Whenever you don’t feel well, go poop.”
“Still works.”
“Don’t forget to take a little mad money so you can get home safely.”
“Don’t forget to take your address so you can get home at all.”
“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
“Go ahead and tell ol’ Mrs. Beadle down the hall that she’s a bitch. She’s 92. She probably already knows.”
“As long as you live under my roof, you’ll do as I say.”
“As long as you live with us, do whatever the hell makes you happy. Just don’t do it naked.”
“Call us when you get there, so we know you made it okay.”
“Take your cell phone, so we know where to start looking.”
“This hurts me more than it hurts you, because now I’ll have to stay home and make sure you’re here, but you’re grounded for a month.”
“This hurts me more than it hurts you, because now I’ll have to be your chauffeur, but hand over the car keys.”
“You can’t eat that and stay healthy.”
“You’re 85. Eat whatever you damn well please.”
“Don’t lie. Unless your memory is really good.”
“Tell the story any way you want. Our memories are no better than yours.”
“That outfit is totally inappropriate. Go change this instant.”
“Feather boas with your Teva’s? Go Mom.”
“All things in moderation.”
“Screw that. If you love it, buy two.”
“When you finish your dinner, you can have dessert.”
“Life is short. Eat dessert first.”
“Nothing says ‘I love you’ on Mother’s Day like jewelry.”
“I gave you a Life Alert bracelet for Mother’s Day. Because I love you.”
“If all your friends at school jumped off a cliff, would you go with them?”
“If all your friends at the facility played strip Bingo, would you do it too?”
“We don’t care what the other kids’ parents let them do. We only care what you do.”
“We don’t care what the other parents’ kids let them do. We only care what you do.”
“Save money every month for when you get old.”
“Guess what? You’re old. Go spend your money.”
“Exercise every day. And remember, no pain, no gain.”
“Walk every day. And remember to stop and smell the roses along the way.”
“Put your family first. Always.”
“Take care of yourself, too. Jonesing for a spa day? Craving some Ben & Jerry’s? Need a housekeeper once a week? Make the call.”
“Red wine and chocolate are wonderful treats.”
“Red wine and chocolate are primary food groups. Get the corkscrew.”
“Always know that, no matter what, we’re here for you.”
“Ditto.”
I love your view, Vikki! Cracked me up and so right on the money!
Thanks, Carol! This was a fun one to write! :)
Thank you for giving me a few smiles and what can feel like such a serious serious situation/endeavor.
I remember hearing about the sandwich generation when I was growing up – – and now I get to live it :-)
We are the sandwich generation, Carla! Empty nest? Ha. The kids go, the parents come! :)
If I only had a nickel for everytime I said “…just don’t do it naked.” to my mom hahahaha! Great one Vikki you always start my Monday off just right!
Thanks, Reva! What is it about getting older that makes us all want to get nekked? Something to look forward to! :)
Very funny. BTW, my mom is also Jan…will have to forward this to her and my dad!
Oh, Kim, you have to get them the t-shirts! :)
Funny – and poignant. My Mom has Alzheimer’s now, so I am reminded every day to enjoy whatever you can, as long as you can. My mother still loves fresh flowers and ice cream – and walking. Hmm, does that mean I should go explore the Haagen Dazs new artisanal flavors my daughter told me about . . . today?!
Ellen, fresh flowers, Haagen Dazs, and a long walk? Sound wonderful! :)
You still have your parents? How I envy you. Spoil them; enjoy them; spend all the time you can with them; you won’t regret it.
I try, Axie’s Dad! Every day, I try! :)
I love blogging because there are so many of us with the same thoughts, issues, styles, relationships, I could go on and on.
This post is funny but REAL!
Thanks, Christine! Love that I connected with you! :)
My dad is an old 82 (my mom is a spry 71, fortunately and takes great care of my dad). I say yes to all of the above. In fact, your post should be sent to everyone as their parents hit 80.
Thanks, Cassandra! What a great idea. Share away! :)
Thanks, again, Vikki, for the smiles that make my Mondays! I think I will print this and give it to my children in their Christmas stockings this year. It might be a tad premature, but they certainly need to start thinking about it.
That’s funny, Beverly! Yes, we’re going to have to give our kids “cheat sheets” for how to talk to us in our dotage! :)
OMG!! I say these things to my parents!!! LOL!! No wonder they try to leave the room when I come in!!
It’s funny, Roshni, they don’t like it much more than we did! :)
I never got to this point with my parents. Which is both a burden and a relief. I miss them both, but I’m quite sure they would have driven me mad!
It’s funny for both sides, Nancy! We repeat their expressions, and we get this eye rolling and the attitude! :)
Too funny! I loved saying these kind of comments twice or three times because someone couldn’t hear or wasn’t paying attention or forgot what we were talking about!
Exactly, Haralee! I’m waiting for “You just don’t understand!” :)
THAT was PERFECT! Belly laugh out loud :-)
I couldn’t move this more! I remember my mom saying so many of these to my Grandma…and I remember saying them to my mom!
Love this!! I am stuck in the middle.. one finishing college, 2 at the end of high school, an Alzheimerish MIL we aren’t sure what to do with, and 2 parents of my own in bad health and living 75 miles away. All while trying to work 2 careers and support my husband’s business. #thestruggleisreal
So many laugh-out-loud good ones Vikki! My favorite though, is “clap twice…” haha