Sharing a bbq dinner with our son, Jake, and his family, and we all got to talking about the bizarre series of natural disasters that were occurring around the globe. It seems like every day we heard about yet another flood, earthquake, wildfire, famine, or plague of locusts that has descended upon some unsuspecting community (although I would submit that if your entire neighborhood has burned to the ground for five years in a row, you might want to amp up the odds in your favor by moving to an alternate zip code).
The discussion inevitably turned to Emergency Supply Kits and the fact that most people (okay, us) don’t have one. Maybe it’s just human nature. “It can’t happen to us.” “We live in Oregon. Nothing bad happens in Oregon.” Well, since experts tell us we share a major fault line with San Francisco, and we all KNOW those people are going to sink into the ocean like the lost city of Atlantis someday, it appears that, like the biblical Ruth, where they go, we go, so we decided it might be time to admit the need for a little disaster preparedness.
Jake thought it would be helpful to bring out his military Emergency Supplies Checklist, which brought back memories of taking him “deployment shopping.” The list included headlamp, ballistic sunglasses, knife, thigh rig and extra magazine, automatic survival rifle, snare, extra ammo, hatchet, waterproof matches, water purification tablets, survival blanket, flares, and a whole assortment of items guaranteed to launch a maternal meltdown of mindless rocking, back and forth, endlessly wailing “He’s just a baby!” and longing for the days of shopping for crayons, Pee Chees, and Power Ranger lunch boxes. Notwithstanding that Jake’s kit was certainly thorough and would undoubtedly come in seriously handy if you were ever caught alone in the deep woods and were being stalked by a crazed sniper, it seemed a bit apocalyptic in nature and I wasn’t sure we needed to go quite that far (this is Oregon, people). Ultimately, we all agreed that something a little more “family friendly” might be sufficient to save our hides in case the earth had a seismic Parkinsonian tremor one night while we were snuggled in our beds.
So the next day, Kenny brought home our new kit. Tossing the entire contents of the third shelf in my laundry onto the kitchen floor (yeah, I’ll be cleaning that up later), he lined up our survival items in pristine rows and handed me a checklist for inventory. Bottled water? Check. Flashlight? Check. First-aid kit and extra batteries. Yep. Matches, trail mix, and jerky? Check, check, and check. Looking good, Big Guy, but lacking a certain something. Hmmm.
I taped a large “HIS” sign to that shelf, and emptied out the one directly underneath it, taping a “HERS” sign in the center. Loaded it up with 3 bottles of Cabernet (and travel corkscrew), a super-size box of Milk Duds, half a dozen fabulously scented candles from Pacifica, face mask, pedicure kit, “Scarlett” (fat sequel to Gone With the Wind) paperback, and my fluffy pink Snuggie with feet (if there ever was a time…).
So bring it on, Mother Nature. The Claflin’s are READY.
Yup, your shelf sounds a lot like my own!! But seriously, can’t believe all the crazy weather related stuff happening lately all around the country. A bit scary and I am truly hoping not to have another Hurricane after Sandy last year for awhile now!!! But that is just me.
I know whose house to visit if a huge disaster hits! I’ll bring some extra wine, and my own copy of Scarlet.
And that’s why you’re such a great couple. Between the two of you, you’ve got this thing covered.
Remind me that if we are ever in a natural disaster that I need to be sure I’m trapped with you…
I’m with you. Don’t forget the vodka.
HA HA HA! I definitely want to escape with you! ;) Forget bottled water and bring on the wine!-Ashley
Your shelf sounds like my own. I would need a deluxe bottle of advil though for the hangover and the unavoidable annoyance headache that would occur.
Sounds like a plan to me!
Ok.
Soooo reading “Scarlett”.
Why did I not know this book exists when apparently even people in OREGON know!
;)
JK!
LOVING your blog!! :)
I’m getting laugh lines.
OMG please don’t forget the corkscrew because that would be a true disaster. Best to bring a spare. I am with you!
Hahahahahahaha! You go, girl!
For starters, I love the card at the top of the post. Hilarious. I wonder if they sell a medic alert bracelet with that “in case of emergency” message. Living in California, I also need to get my act together and gather a disaster preparedness kit. I’m definitely using yours as my guide. Seriously, you should be a consultant for Red Cross!
You know, it’s not such a bad idea in this crazy world. I would add some canned food and basic medication like advil, antiseptic etc. to the list. You never know when you need that. As we used to say in the Ukraine: get ready for the worst, but hope for the best :)
And THAT is what I call priorities. Love it.