A few weeks ago, I published Part 1 of a 2-part series on the most common reasons women look older than they actually are. Despite what most people believe, Baby Boomer women don’t always want to look younger, but they sure as hell don’t want to look older. Nobody’s that good a sport.
Boomer women aren’t trying to look like their daughters. We realize that it can’t be done. We’ve all seen the unfortunate results of weird or multiple surgeries in the expensive, but ultimately futile, efforts to look 40 when we’re 55. We’ve discovered that looking like a fabulous 60-year-old is better than a ending up like a 40-year-old Frankenwoman. But whether or not we choose to go the cosmetic intervention route, either through surgery or injectables, or simply bi-monthly facials at the local day spa, there are certain habits that can make you look like you didn’t put enough candles on your birthday cake.
Part 1 covered:
- Using the same skincare products you’ve used for years
- Not exfoliating your skin regularly
- Using sunscreen only in the summer
- Avoid hair color products
- Wearing the same makeup you’ve always worn
Now, in Part 2, we’ll offer the other half of the list of Habits to Consider Dumping Because They Make You Look Older:
Going truly au natural on grooming. This is most often seen on nature babies, who say things like “I don’t believe in interfering with Mother Nature. Lines, wrinkles, and traveling facial hair are all natural. So be it. I don’t want to appear vain or shallow, or like I’m obsessed with my appearance.” Well, with your eyebrows working their way towards each other to create the midlife unibrow, the unplucked granny hairs on your chin, and the peach fuzz that has sprouted over your upper lip, your first impression is less likely to be vain or shallow and more likely ex-hippie from Woodstock. Which is absolutely fine, as long as that’s what you want. Otherwise, a good pair of tweezers will be your new best friend. I carry a pair in my handbag. Yes, I’m vain and shallow.
Bargain hunting for a hair stylist. Haircuts really are a case of “You get what you pay for.” While I’m not a proponent of pricey, monthly haircuts (I’ve cut and colored my own hair for 20 years), this is not a time to go to the local hairdressers academy and let the students practice on you for cheap. Five-buck chuck should be reserved for cheap wine or the $5 menu at Dairy Queen. And be careful with the mall salons that hire young, inexperienced hairdressers, especially in rural America. They all lean towards those unfortunate hair styles that are parted down the middle and sport cauliflower floret shaped bangs in the center of your forehead, that appear to have sprouted independently of the rest of your hair. Your hair says too much about you to make price the first consideration. You’re better off to get it cut and/or colored less often, from an experienced hairstylist. Glorious, gorgeous, shiny hair, in a great cut, can take years off your face, and make you feel more vibrant and more confident. You’re worth it.
Avoiding bra fittings because you’ve been wearing the same size for years. Retail experts tell us that up to 80% of women are wearing the wrong size bra. Eighty percent. Ill-fitting bras can give you back fat and the dreaded “quatre boobs,” with your breasts bulging out over the top of your cups, appearing like you have four breasts instead of two underneath your t-shirt. Especially if you’ve gone through menopause, during which our bodies shift and morph in ways we don’t even know. It might be the band. It might be the cups. In some cases, it’s both. A well-fitting bra makes you look better proportioned and more elongated by picking up the girls and getting them to sit higher. It also eliminates back fat. You don’t have back fat. Your bra has back fat. If you haven’t done it yet, find a professional salesperson wherever quality bras are sold, and have her measure you. It’s quick. It’s painless. And it might surprise you.
Wearing muted colors around your face. Muted colors in the clothes that are close to your face work like all-nude makeup palettes. They can wash you out and make you look tired (read: older). Color around the face gives it life. Gives it vibrance. Khaki, beige, dusty rose, dusty blue, gray, taupe, anything “heathered.” Colors like these are difficult to wear, and are unflattering on many women. If you like these colors, wear them away from your face. Wear them in your jeans or skirts. Throw on a colored scarf, or add a little bit brighter makeup. Something, anything, that brings a little color closer to your skin. If people ask you if you’re feeling okay (and you are), or if you’re tired (and you’re not), it might very well be the colors you’re wearing next to your face.
Applying makeup to conceal, rather than to highlight. I see this one a lot. As we reach a certain age, our skin is not quite as firm or as even-toned as it used to be. We may have sunspots on our face. Post-menopausal women often report adult-onset acne, many battling it for the first time in their lives. We get dark circles or puffiness under our eyes that we’ve never seen before. And then there are the lines. They show up around our eyes. We see them when we do a “duck face.” They run down our cheeks like topographical maps of the California fault line. So makeup becomes a way to cover all that up. We get heavier foundation. We pack concealer under our eyes and over our blemishes. We put brown contour powder under our necks and cheekbones to replace lost definition. The problem here is that every one of these choices makes you look older. It hides nothing.
When I work with women in their 50s, 60s, and beyond, the first rule is to take what you’re used to wearing and cut it down by half. And before you apply anything, pick the one feature you want to highlight, or draw attention to. It’s usually eyes or mouth, but I’ve seen women with cheekbones like a supermodel, so we picked those. Learn how to play that feature up. Go to Ulta, Nordstrom, Sehpora, or your favorite department store, and have a pro show you how. That’s what they’re there for, and most of them are very good at what they do. No matter which feature you select, everything should be with a light hand. Your face will look fresher, cleaner, less tired, less “done.” You will shine through. And isn’t that what beauty is all about?
…oh my sweet one. …you da best~!!!
Thanks! Guess where I got it? :)
……..YO DADDY ~!!!! :)
Great post. I am relieved to hear my bra has back fat, not me. My sister in-law and I were having the bra discussion just the other day. Those girls need a perk up!
Thanks, Diana! Yep, I’m a big believer in my clothes taking responsibility for their failures. Our culpability is in choosing the wrong styles. Bad bras give us back fat, bad jeans give us muffin top, and too tight skirts give us visible panty line. Underneath all that, we’re fabulous! :)
Great advice, as usual. I’m so glad you’re back and healthy!!! I’ve adjusted my make-up routine almost annually since I turned 60, (that’s pushing 7 years…omg). Lightened up a lot and it makes me feel younger. I was never heavy handed but, I’m much more aware now than ever.
xoxob
Thanks, Barbara! I agree. As we get older, less is definitely more! :)
We wear a lot of black here in New York so that bright-color thing has to become my new daily mantra. Thanks for the reminder! (luckily, I like red tones, when possible.)
(Does beige count as a color?)
You’re too funny, Linda! Beige is kind of like ochre. It’s not really a color. It’s more of a color sucker. Guaranteed to have people inquiring about your health, because it makes you look tired, drained, and pale. The trifecta of “Things we don’t want our clothes to do.” Red is SO much prettier next to the face. Good call! :)
So glad you’re back!
Thanks, Goddess! Me too! :)
Loved your comments….I have been ramping up my attention after going au naturelle when I retired. Got out of the makeup routine and kept my hair the same for a decade, I swear! Recently I kicked it up a notch. I quit coloring my hair and let the white take over BUT I found an amazing stylist and she gave me a trendy, edgy (for me!) cut that combined with the white equaled wow! I have started watching daytime television to figure out trends that might apply to me and am embracing the cropped pants this year. Discovered they suit my petite height (the only petite thing about me!). Your blog confirmed some of my choices and made me think of others. Working on the makeup…..hmmmm. Keep on making us smile!!
Thank you, Eileen! I love that you’re having fun playing around with new looks. Sometimes we’re so afraid to do it “wrong,” we don’t try, and we miss something fabulous that works. You go, woman! :)
I agree completely that some things are worth the price! I have learned what I can scrimp on–a lipstick or nail polish–and what I can’t–the rather pricey Bumble and Bumble shampoo and conditioner for my really dry, coarse post-menopausal hair! I’ve reached a compromise with the color. My stylist does an overall color for me a few times a year and in between I do it at home. Actually, my husband colors for me! Great tips, Vikki! so glad you’re on the road to recovery! <3
Thanks, Lee! I love that your husband colors your hair! The things we do for love. :)
Great words of wisdom, Vikki. I’ve really toned down on my eye makeup–which has meant leaving some of my favorite looks (the smokey eye) behind. My hair–still a work in progress–and my body–not even in progress! Oh well….
Thanks, Jane! Ahhh, the smoky eye. (I miss you, smoky eye!) I try it every now and then, just to remind myself that it still looks overdone. Yep. every time. Like so many things, it’s a look better left to our daughters! :)
You’re back!!! Yay! And with more great advice. I’ve never skimped on haircuts and color (I gave up coloring my own hair decades ago when the “light brown” color I tried came out raven-black). And the less-is-more approach to makeup is sure making sense–spackle isn’t really all that becoming. And your tip about more vibrant color near the face–got it! Thank you, Vikki! And thank heaven you’re on the mend.
You’re welcome, Roxanne, and thanks for the kind words! It’s great to be back in the saddle, finally! I remember one year I thought I’d go a little less bleached and a little golden blonde. Ha. It looked day glow yellow, kind of like a neon banana. Sigh… Now I do it myself, but with a one-step bleach. Much better (and cheaper!) :)
Missed you love! So thankful that you write these words so many need to hear! I have been putting off a bra fitting for far too long. The girls have nursed 4 babies, survived being thrown into medically induced menopause, and the dreaded gravity! I needed a reminder to add this to my spring to do list.
I could not agree more about taking care of your hair. I’m not one to let nature have it’s way with my hair just yet and I recently went red…super red. The kind of red that would make Joan from Mad Men proud. But I had such an awful cut. Made my way to get the locks taken care of and I feel like a new woman! Took at LEAST 6 months off my appearance :0)!!
Rock on…
Thanks, Donna! I’m loving that you went siren red. There’s just nothing like fabulous hair to make you feel like “I got this.” And you’re right, it makes us look younger (even if that wasn’t our intent!) :)
Thanks for the great advice. When I tell people how old I am, I often get a shocked reaction, so I must be doing something right!
Each of your tips was exactly on point. So often I see older women who seem to have lost their feminity and it’s usually due to the first 4. Never stop making the most of what you have when you have it.
Hi Vikki,
I teach Pilates and I believe the best thing you can do for a youthful and confident look is good posture and an elegant stride. It is forgotten too often. Makeup and hair will be 10x better on an upright posture that’s moving gracefully through space.
So glad you are up and running. You’re special!
Patti
Hi Vikki!
I, too, heard that the majority of women are wearing the wrong bra size. So when I went into a Victoria’s Secret and one of the saleswomen offered to measure me “properly” I jumped at the chance to join the elite 20%. She whipped out a tape measure (yup, in the middle of the store!) and declared me a different size. Of course I bought it. Finally! My proper fit, I thought.
Flash forward to me being unable to breathe because the band was too small. I returned it for my regular size. No way that was the correct size.
I’m just wondering if that 80% quote is a marketing ploy to get more women into Victoria’s closet. I decided breathing was more important than being able to brag that I was professionally fitted. #SorryVictoria #BoobyFail
Confession: I’m guilty of most of these (and tempted to say “all”). Thanks for reminding me that it’s time to go bra shopping.
PS. Glad to see that you’re back in the saddle :-)