As summer rolls forward, it seems everyone’s talking about family vacation plans, including plans to send young offspring off to theme parks, famous campgrounds, and animated wonderlands with grandparents, giving moms and dads much-needed breaks to be adult couples instead of parents for 2 blissful weeks out of the year.
When Jake was 6, we were living on Maui and my parents lived in Oregon. They called that summer and announced that they wanted to take Jake to Disneyland in California. After much discussion on the best way to get Jake to them, my mother informed me that she’d already called the airline, and they said Jake could fly without either parent, as an “unaccompanied minor.”
Say whut?
He’s 6, Mom. SIX. As in “years old.” Not only that, he was small. So I’m looking across the room at my small child, with his Hawaiian-style shaved head and little round glasses, looking like an adorable tiny Harry Potter, and she’s going on about him getting on a 747 by himself and flying to Portland.
“It’ll be fine,” she insisted. “They assign a flight attendant to him, and he’s never left alone. She’s responsible for him the entire way. Besides, it’s a direct flight. We’ll pick him up in Portland.”
After another several minutes of debate, with Jake jumping up and down, repeatedly and happily yelling “I’m going to Disneyland!! I’m going to Disneyland!!” I put down the paper bag I was wheezing into and agreed to hand over my child to some unknown flight attendant, trusting she wouldn’t inadvertently send him to Botswana, resulting in a massive, worldwide child-hunt, followed by a made-for-TV movie called “I Gave My Child to a Stranger and They Lost Him. Bad Mommy.”
Jake and I went to the airport, where I filled out the 8-page, triplicate forms, attached to copies of his birth certificate, my driver’s license, and a list of emergency contact names of every single person in 3 states and 2 countries that he was related to in any way. Jake was beside himself with excitement about traveling “all by himself,” and I was a teary mess. “Don’t worry,” the flight attendant smiled, “We haven’t lost one yet.” Yet?? OMG. Several minutes later, I put my only child on the plane and cried all the way home.
He had the time of his life.
Two weeks later, as I was anxiously waiting for my baby to get off the plane, armed with the 30 pieces of ID required to take a child out of the airport, I finally saw his smiling face, and the thought briefly crossed my mind that he looked older. More confident. More young boy than small child. But as I was trying to process the changes in my son (could this trip have actually been good for him??), I instinctively burst into relieved tears that he made it and was safely home where I could see him.
Completely oblivious to the commands of the attendants to “Stay behind the yellow line, ma’am. BEHIND THE YELLOW LINE,” I rushed forward, bent down and grabbed my child in a full-body mom-hug, crying uncontrollably, while assuring him he was missed every single day. (Yeah. It was every 6-year-old’s worst nightmare. Being mauled by your sobbing mother. In public. That would no doubt come up in his therapy years later, but I couldn’t stop myself. My baby was home.)
Usually, when you pick up an “unattended minor” at the airport, the ID requirements are intense. No simple driver’s license will do. The legal ramifications of letting someone walk out of the airport with the wrong child are the stuff zillion dollar settlements are made of, and the airlines are determined to avoid this mistake at all costs. So at the time of the ticket purchase, you’re given a list of paperwork they’ll need to see before any child is handed over to your custody.
As I reached into my purse for the required documents, the flight attendant just smiled and said, dryly, “And you must be the mother.” “Yes,” I sniffed, still clinging to my boy like a life raft. “Jake,” she asked, just to make sure, “Is this your mom?” Jake, sharing a glimpse of what was to become his trademark one-liner wit, looked up at her and said, “Well, she wouldn’t be my first choice, but yeah, she’s my mom.”
14 years later, Jake would be flying to Iraq, and we would relive this experience on a different level. We dropped him off, and I cried all the way home. When he arrived home a year later, safe and sound where I could see him, I cried again and mauled him in public. This time, he grinned and replied, “It’s okay, Mom. Go crazy.”
And so I’ve decided that children (no matter their age) should never be further away than you can drive to see them. It’s just too damn hard on their mamas. And when he gets redeployed, I’m going with him. But I’m not telling him just yet. I just might end up flying as an “unaccompanied mother.”
Just WOW! This is so good – a little humourous, a little heart-rending, and absolutely, beautifully honest and filled with good stuff.
Thanks for sharing just how much of a worry it is for the left-behind-mamas. Not something I’ve often thought about. You are an education, thank you.
You know, Vikki, it just might work… great piece!
Vikki, this made me cry! What a beautiful, moving piece!
What a beautiful story, Vicki. It’s true. They get bigger, but there is no such thing as grown to a mother.
Aw, Vikki, this is so great! Jake sounds so much like our son Adrian, right down to the witty one-liners…and yeah. Mums in Afghanistan? Could change the course of history.
Oh wow, Vicki. I know just where he got his sense of humor, not his first choice :) I am with you, your children should be driving distance away. Not that you can peek in the bedroom but that you can drop by and make sure they are wearing clean socks.
My mom wants Allie to fly to VA for a week. That unaccompanied minor? They now charge $100 fee EACH WAY. So I had a good excuse to say…um no.
I think it is great that he let you go crazy the last time he came home. I would pour the wine for the next deployment. But you know we have that whole you live on the west coast me the east thing going.
It’s not HARD enough that we have to birth them, raise them, worry about them, noooooo, then God throws us the ‘now they’re gonna leave you’ left swing to the gut. When the day comes- I’m gonna have a very serious talk with God. Very serious.
I adore your sense of humor, Vicci. But this wasn’t only funny but brought a tear to my eye, too (I’m not afraid to show my feminine side!) Great post.
This made me cry also. You are a brave, amazing mom!
What a great, heart-warming post! glad he came home safe both times!
First you make us laugh, and then you make us cry! Funny story and beautiful story, girlfriend!
made me tear up!
I was ok until I saw the pic of you and your son – then I lost it a little. Such a wonderful post, Vikki! Your son sounds like a witty, fabulous person – just like Mom.
I loves this story. I could feel your emotion at sending your 6 year old off by himself and laughed at his comment. Then when I realized you had to send him off to Afghanistan I cried. That would be so difficult. I bet you are so proud of him though.
Oh, Vikki…….!! Now, I’m all teary and I can’t think of anything to write!!
I was just writing about this subject myself. Painful, painful to release your child into the world and in your case to send him off to war. I still have a pit in my stomach from reading your words. Certainly not easy. I’m cringing because my son might be applying to medical school in Australia and can’t imagine him being so far— but war. My heart goes out to you both
U had me all teary eyed. We have flown from Ms to Or an back again several times. Its scary to let them go to the restrooms. I waited by the door an waited an waited. I was ready to yell In comeing zip it when he finely came out. I can see me doing it no problem. But the day they ship Tucker off to Camp Shelby was the worst. I cryed. He know how had it was. An when he came back came into Camp Shelby the drove home to surpize me I have that fear that he will have to go back. An he already told me I can’t come.
Okay, you made me cry a little here. I am now standing in line to hug them, right behind their parents. Our grandson is finishing up basic training in the Marines now. I may have to go along with my daughter when he is deployed. It’s okay, I am sure he won’t mind.
Be well.
Barbara
Loved this! I put my unaccompanied 5 y.o. on a plane many moons ago, but it was from Atlanta to Hartford. I can’t even imagine a flight as long as the one you endured.
I am an Army wife who has said good-bye and hello to my husband waaaaayyyy too many times in the last 12 years. I never take for granted my mother-in-law’s feelings during those times. I can’t imagine how hard it is as his mother. We have never discussed it but I can hear the relief in her voice when she knows he is home. Thank you for sharing this. I hope you don’t mind that I am going to share it.
I can’t imagine sending my kid on an airplane alone. You are much stronger than I would have been. But I guess the Airlines handle this all the time. I love the last photo of you hugging your adult son!
AWE, wonderful post. I could never have sent my 6 year old on a plane, alone. I have a terrible fear of planes. You are one tough cookie!
This is such a sweet story. It made me want to cry for all of those moms who are far from their children.
Awww…I love this!! And that picture of you guys is fabulous. I can’t imagine being away from my babies for very long. I get a little sad when I drop my daughter off at dance and I go to the grocery store down the street. An ocean away simply seems impossible.
Love love love, this was such am amazing heartfelt post
Oh, girl! You got me today. I am bawling! “It’s okay mom, go crazy.” *sob*
Whew. I needed that cry this morning, I think. SO SWEET! –Lisa
Beautifully said! You have nailed motherhood: Our role is not just to love our children unconditionally, but to embarrass them in public as well. :-) Thanks for the smiles and tears today.
i could FEEL your emotion. i can’t imagine being so far away from my child or putting their safety in another’s hands. i have a difficult enough time dropping her off at daycare or even leaving her with babysitters (who are family!). beautiful post!
The hubby and I are both in tears. I’m so glad your son is home safe. I don’t blame you, I would be planning something similar.
Truly beautifully written.
Thanks for linking up with the Friday Flash Blog. I hope you checked out the highlighted posts as well as everyone’s terrific entries. Have a fabulous weekend!
Jennifer
thejennyevolution.com
I imagine that if every soldier brought their mom along we’d have much fewer wars!
Oh my goodness! This is absolutely beautiful! And oh so true! I was exactly the same way the first time my oldest went to his dad’s several states away, and when my middle one went on his first week long church trip, and again on Sunday when taking my lil girl on her first trip to summer camp!
God bless him for his service! & Many many blessings to the strength of the momma!
This was so beautifully written. I started to tear up at one point, then I laughed out loud loud at another point. Wonderful post. Thank you so much for participating in our link party last week. We hope to see you at our next Blog Strut Linky Party at mypersonalaccent.com!
Ah, crying now!! We just left our older 2 with their grandparents for a week, a 4 1/2 hour drive away, and I got weepy leaving them and again when I got them back. Like being reunited with a tiny, cuter part of yourself.
Thanks for linking up to the Glitter Fart hop!
Hi there! I am co-hosting this week on the Wondering Brain Show Off Weekend Blog Party. Thanks for sharing your creations with us! I hope you found inspiration in all of the terrific posts.
I host a (Not SO) Wordless Wednesday Blog Hop and a TGIF Link Party at my place — A Peek Into My Paradise… http://apeekintomyparadise.blogspot.com/ I would love for you to link up and follow (if you don’t already) if you like what you see. =) I follow back – I love making new friends!
I can’t wait to see what you link up next week!
Hugs, Cathy
No, no, I’m not crying. I was just chopping onions. *sniff*
OMG, the tears are rolling down my face. Honestly, I don’t know how you managed getting him on that plane at 6, but I’m sure it was because he was so happy about going. And you did the right thing. It sounds like you and Jake have an amazing relationship! Thanks to him for his service to our country and thanks to you for raising such a wonderful young man!
You had great confidence in your son to let him go at 6. Well-deserved. Thank him for his service, and you for letting him go.
Love this!!! As an Air Force mom, I know how you feel sending your little boy off on a deployment. Please thank him for his service.