I grew up in an entrepreneurial family. We were taught early that “nothing happens until somebody sells something.” My parents churned out six reasonably successful adults with a shared passion for moving products from the shelf to someone’s shopping cart. I started my career at 24 as a sales trainer and motivational speaker in the beauty industry, teaching retail saleswomen how to take that “just need a new lipstick” customer and turn her into the giddy purchaser of a complete skin care routine that she couldn’t believe she’d lived without this long. I had a blast. Selling was easy and as natural as breathing.
Then I became a writer.
My original goal was to leave a journal for my great-grandkids as a first-person record of what life was like when Grandma witnessed the invention of the wheel. I’ve often wished I had a first-hand account of my grandmother’s life, about her marriage, her dreams, or why she named her dog “Hooters.”
Then, in 2013, I met an amazing editor who suggested I write a book about living with Parkinson’s. In 2014, we launched Shake, Rattle & Roll With It, Living & Laughing with Parkinson’s. In February 2016, Booktrope released Who Left the Cork Out of My Lunch? Both books were great fun to write, but since I didn’t want to decorate around 50 boxes of books, I needed to figure out how to sell what I’d written.
Not having a clue where to start, I read a gazillion how-to-sell-1,000-books-in-your-first-week books, sent press releases to the local newspapers, emailed proposals to dozens of agents, attended seminars for new authors, and drove around town with a box of books in my car, in case I ran into a high school classmate at Walgreen’s.
Seasoned writers all cautioned that the chances of commercial success were minimal to zero, and not even that good without a powerful online presence. “What’s your social media platform?” they’d say. “What the hell is a platform?” I asked. “Numbers,” they replied, “How many Facebook fans do you have? How many Facebook writers’ groups do you participate in? Are you on Twitter? How many followers do you have? What about Reddit? Linked In? Pinterest? Tumbler? How about Instagram? You really need to be on that. OMG, you’re not on Goodreads yet?? You’ll never succeed without Goodreads. And don’t forget Bookbub. But that one can take several weeks to get accepted, so chop chop, woman. And do you guest post? You need to get onto Huffington Post, major magazines, or other well-established blogs. You do have a blog, don’t you?? And BTW, you really should post every day. It gets those subscriber numbers up, up, up.”
It quickly became obvious that social media was the key to fame, wealth, and immortality. If I was willing to commit to scrolling through Facebook posts from 1000 or so friends and a dozen writers’ groups every morning, ‘liking’ or commenting on every thread, and if I was able to come up with $100+ every week for advertising to “expand my reach,” Facebook could be a career launcher.
I’d also started getting emails from people I didn’t know, claiming that in 15 minutes a day, Pinterest could get my book out to the world. And for $20, Bubba from Botswana would sell me 20,000 fake Twitter followers, instantly cementing my “online presence.” Apparently, everyone but me knew which venue, that with enough time and money, would make me the superstar love child of John Grisham and Erma Bombeck.
That first year, I was all in. I scrolled Facebook like a crazed Rhesus monkey every morning, terrified that I might miss an important post from a virtual friend about her birthday, anniversary, trek through Nepal, or broken heart over having to put down Hairball, the family gerbil. I accepted all Facebook and Linked In friendship requests. I resisted any urges to jump into political or religious Facebook threads for fear of getting defriended and decreasing my numbers. I regularly shared blog posts from other writers. I signed up for Goodreads and ran giveaways on Bookbub. I guest posted for several huge sites. I was going after it at full speed, even though I wasn’t exactly sure what “it” was.
By year two, I realized I had no time or energy to write. Social media numbers and book sales defined my life. My family eventually gave up, tip-toeing past my office, speaking in hushed tones, on their way out the door to live in-person lives, while I stayed sequestered, posting, commenting, liking, tweeting, pinning, and linking in, anxiously awaiting my Big Moment.
Then I began to notice that what people post on Facebook is usually their successes, rarely their struggles, so it can seem like everyone else has fame and fortune continuously and effortlessly rolling in because they’re just so awesome. You? Not so much. I scrolled my Facebook newsfeed each morning and read posts about writers who were invited to be on The View or Anderson Cooper, or who met the President, or were mentioned on Oprah. Or someone wrote a blog post about teaching their cat Tai Chi that went viral in 14 countries and now they’re in demand all across the country. Social media found a way to remind me each day that I was good, but not that good. By that time, I was prepared to give up and start a llama farm.
I remembered the early months of writing and thinking it was fun. I loved it when my writing resonated with readers and I could make them laugh, and I maintained a steady increase in my readership. That used to be enough. That said, I’m not a complete idiot. If Oprah or The View called with invites, or Michelle Obama suddenly discovered she loved my books, I’d be doing the happy dance across three states. But if that determined my “success” or “failure,” statistically I had a better chance of winning the lottery. Twice. On the same day.
I had no delusions about becoming a NY Times best-selling author from my goofy collections of humorous essays, so what was I chasing? I didn’t start writing to become rich or famous, or to hang with the cool people. Writing made me happy. Like I was giving something back by sharing laughter with my readers. I was leaving a record for my future downline after my untimely and tragic demise. Somehow I’d lost that along the way.
I wanted to love writing again. I wanted social media to be social again, not a means to an end. I wanted to stop chasing a ridiculously unattainable goal that placed the bar so high, it was stealing my real life and replacing it with a frenetic virtual existence that left me constantly anxious and overwhelmed. I wanted to stop competing with online writing friends who all seemed more successful than I could ever hope to be. I wanted my life back.
So I’ve decided to reprioritize. I’m going to write first, and sell when the opportunity arises, instead of the other way around. I hope my readership continues to grow, and that my readers enjoy my writing and continue to subscribe to my blog or buy my books. I may or may not check in on Facebook every day, or pay for Facebook ads. I refuse to buy fake Twitter followers. I’m going to celebrate the achievements of other writers, and try my best not to belittle my own in comparison. If we’re friends on Facebook, know that if I miss an important event in your life, it wasn’t intentional. If I’m not online, I’m with my family, sharing a glass of wine with a friend, or maybe doing a book reading at the local library. Or I might be taking a nap. But if you’re still here when I get back, I’m calling it a win.
Amen. I love this. My sister wanted to discuss a political candidate with me last night. And all I could say was “uh, Facebook.” Sad when you can’t talk because Facebook’s exhausted your ability to speak or think.
All I want to do is write also
Thanks, Pia! It took me a few weeks to post this. It felt really personal and it wasn’t a humor piece. But sometimes it’s good to connect on a different level. :)
Me too. I often post on FB “keeping it real” so others realize not everyone is on the Good Morning America, speaking at the world’s best blogosphere conference, and buying a beach house. Most of us are sweating it out on the treadmill, dying our hair, plucking our chin hairs, and pounding away at the keyboard. love it vikki. love it!
Kate, I just burst out laughing at your description of what we’re REALLY doing, instead of speaking at the White House! Thanks for that! :)
Yes, I came to the same conclusion a couple of years ago. Don’t you love the perspective that comes with age?
Yes, Carol! But wouldn’t it be nice to figure this stuff out at, say, 20? :)
Vikki, I’m right there with you. Social media, while valuable in its own right, is exhausting and time-consuming. And when it starts to eat up time for something you love – writing and making people laugh – then it’s time to rein it in. Love your blog, so keep on writing! ????
Thank you, Lisa! This weekend, I wrote two draft posts and it was FUN. Who knew? :)
I understand, completely. I’ve never monitized my blog, primarily because I don’t want to feel obligated to anyone but me. I know, I’m a selfish bitch but, it keeps me focused on finishing the memoir and writing the 2nd Duffy Chronicles. I feel scatter brained enough right now. You do what fills your soul, Vikki, we’ll keep reading!
b
Thank you for that, Barbara! I’ve never put ads up on my blog because it makes me feel like I’m hawking products to my readers, which is weird for me. Stupid, I know, because lots of bloggers make good money from those ads. Maybe someday. :)
I know exactly what you mean and I am selling a product and it is the same thing, why am I not a company with name recognition like Nike! I think you are hilarious and will always read you.
Thanks, Haralee! You’re a rock star on Laugh Lines. And I agree, why doesn’t The View know who I am? :)
Vikki you may or not remember that my husband sells his beaded bracelets on Etsy. Well your journey sounds very similar. You always make me LOL!!!
Thank you, Barb! I do remember your hubs’ bracelets. I think we should start a “Should be Famous” club. Your husband can chair it, and we’ll all get together on Google Hangouts twice a year to toast our tiny wins! :)
I’ll be reading you for the duration, Facebook or no. Vikki, I want to give you a huge hug. You said it so very well, it’s like you’re in my head. I feel like, for me anyway, I started just wanting to write and enjoyed it for all the reasons you mention, with no real expectations, and then, several conferences later, as the whole blogosphere grew and the ante upped, I, as well as so many of us, got swept up in it. I want to get back to basics too, and simply enjoy writing and reading what my fellow writers are putting out there. And I, too, would love to know why your Grandma named her dog Hooters! ????
Thanks, Linda! Your support means a lot to me. I’m starting to relax a little and not panic if I go away for the weekend and miss two days of FB surfing. Geez, how did people sell books without social media?? :)
Oh, I loved this. We can all relate! I LOVE writing fiction, but I also love being an entrepreneur. To be successful, we have to evaluate our biz strategies. One day, I thought, “Lynne, you’re doing all this promoting but you’ve got very little product.” Like any business, if I’m successful, my customers (readers) will want more. And what will I have to give them? A book they already read? Bad business model. So I am working hard to bring more goodies to my customers. Which means….time’s up, gotta go!
Thanks, Lynne! I agree with you. Julie Stoian teaches these amazing “funnel” courses online, and people are following her instructions and making great money. But you have to start with something to sell online. Usually it’s a webinar or something similar. Books don’t work like that. Soooo… Back out here without a net, as they say! :)
I was just thinking about this, as I scrolled through social media! If I spent even half that time on my writing, I’d have my two memoirs completed by now. Thanks for the shot in the you-know-where to get me moving!
I hear you, Lynne! I’ve started writing FIRST, then cruising Facebook. Otherwise, it’s like the meme that keeps popping up on FB that talks about cruising YouTube for something specific, and five hours later, you’re still sitting there, watching giraffes play, and you’ve missed lunch. Facebook is fun, but wow, it can be a time suck. :)
Amen sister- I haven’t written a book but I haven’t written a blog post in 6 months – if we aren’t in real life we won’t have anything to write about anyways! Love your writing
Thanks, Mary Anne! That’s what Hubs keeps telling me. If I don’t ever leave my office, what am I going to write about? :)
You go, girl! You are so right and such an inspiration. Good luck sticking to your plan!
Thanks, Lisa! One of my primary motivators to post on Mondays is “Grandma’s Briefs Grand Social.” It’s so much fun, and I get great response. Thank you! :)
Amen, sistah! I feel your pain and frustration, and thank you for stating so eloquently (and with your usual humor) what I think so many of us are experiencing. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone.
Thanks, Roxanne! Yes, I suspected there might be more of us out there. I was a tiny bit hesitant about this post because it’s not in my usual wheelhouse and I wasn’t sure if it would be misinterpreted (that I was whining) or if I sounded ungrateful, neither of which is true. But I’m glad I did. It seems that we are a bigger group than you and I thought! :)
Yay you!!!!! I get it.
MWAH, Lisa! Thanks for the cheer! :)
I stopped blogging because I found I was trying too hard to be noticed. It was exhausting, soul crushing, jealousy inducing, and just sucktastic. Watching everyone else achieve success while I sat at my desk drinking coffee and playing my game for the billionth time started to hurt too much. So, I walked away. I’ve been on a writing hiatus for awhile now. Eventually I’ll get back into it.
Whatever you do, I’ll be around when you are as well. Get back to enjoying life and that glass of wine. Your real friends (be they virtual or in real life) will still be here.
Thanks, Kim! And back atcha. I’ve been a fan of your writing for the last couple of years, but I understand a hiatus. We’ll leave the light on for ya, whenever you decide to come back. In the meantime, anyone who uses the word “sucktastic” should still be writing. That’s awesome. :)
Vikki, I so get this. I went through this when I was trying to make my blog more popular. I was always online, always checked out from the real world, and my family was getting progressively more pissed. I came to the same realization you did — that I loved to write and not promote (even though yes, my former career was marketing!) and I went back to just writing and scaled waaayy back on the promoting part. I’m much calmer and happier. So what if I’m back to having only 3 regular readers of my blog? At least I’m sane again. :)
Yay, Emily! You totally get it. I’ve always loved sales, but book sales aren’t the same. I get tired of pitching, promoting, begging, and that compulsive stat checking to see if my numbers are up (I rock) or down (I suck). I just want to do what I love – write and make people laugh. The weird thing is that I get more subscribers when I take a break than when I’m posting regularly. I don’t know what that says, that I get more subscribers when I’m not writing, but there’s a cosmic message in there somewhere! :)
What a relief to have someone else say this! Thanks for sharing your wisdom.
You’re very welcome, Laurie! I was a little skittish about posting something this personal, and wasn’t sure how it would be received. But so far, this has been a blast, and I’m discovering a whole new tribe. Writers who just love to write. Who would’ve thought? :)
Oh how true! I teach my marketing students it’s social media not sell media.
I really miss loving to write too!
Doreen, I love that! “Social media, not sell media.” Perfect. :)
Yes. Yes. And YES. It really is a hamster wheel, however, I’m one of those readers that’s not gonna disappear! And I forgive you for forgetting my birthday. HA! We were both too busy to notice.
Cheryl, OMG, I missed your birthday? See, that’s what I’m talking about. I’m such a loser. :) How about if I buy a stupidly expensive bottle of wine and drink it in your honor? (And thank you for not bailing on me! Love you too!)
Very timely post! Looks like many of us feel the same way. I can now stop myself from falling too far down the rabbit hole by asking myself how what I’m doing is helping my writing. It usually isn’t helping at all. I say to myself: Get. Butt. Out. Of. Chair!! Keep it goin’!!
Risa, that’s so interesting that you ask yourself that, because that’s one of the mental paths I took to get where I am now. I’d be working like a nesting squirrel for hours, then stop and think, I haven’t posted anything on my blog for two weeks. How did that happen?? I’m loving starting to write more, sell less. :)
Doesn’t matter to me if you fail to “like” my FB posts. They’re mostly about my-grandson’s-most-recent-quarter-inch-of-growth, anyway. Girl, you’re stuck with me as a fan for the long haul. So go do some writing and then have a glass of red with your hubs. I’ll stayed tuned for your next post…and your next book. Thank you for being fabulous, funny, thoughtful and sincere.
Ms. Victoria, you just made my whole day! Thank you for your support and encouragement. And I love pics of grandbabies. Bring ’em on, and if I’m online, I’ll send hearts over. Love those little faces! :)
There is the quote:” Comparison is the thief of joy” –facebook, instagram, twitter, even blogs can do that as they often only portray life in an unattainable way. I am guilty of only posting the good things on social media. I feel like I like to stay positive there as I feel staying positive, expressing gratitude, helps me feel better. I do appreciate those that share their struggles in their writngs and can be honest that life is not always easy. They can often be helpful to others who are also struggling.
Keep up your writing first and let social media be less of an obligation. It’s freeing! :)
Thanks, Pat! I’m like you. I prefer to share my sunny days. The world doesn’t need FB newsfeeds full of failures and woes! I do find it reassuring from time to time to discover that other people feel like they struggle to achieve what they do, and that every day isn’t unicorns and rainbows. Makes me feel less like a loser and more like a starving writer. That, I can do! :)
I went through the same thing and while I still write about Alz caregiving I am not as obsessive over numbers and page views. I hate hanging out on Facebook and since I’ve fallen in love with the technical parts of blogging I’ve been doing that instead. I love setting things up whether it’s WordPress or Convert Kit. I write, but not like I used to.
No fear, I already subscribe to your blog and I will still keep coming back!
Thank you, Alana!!
Love it! Good for you! Hey, now that we are in Hood River for the summer, I was hoping to get a signed copy of your latest book… Is that possible? Thank you!
Kelly, I think I can scrape up 100 or so copies for you! I have them here at the house. I’m going to the post office tomorrow, so if you message me on FB with your address, I will get one in the mail to you! If you want it autographed to someone in particular (or you), let me know. You can just send me a check for 12 bucks. I’ll message you my address! THANK YOU!!
Hi Vikki! I so agree with all the other comments. Those of us who are doing it because we LOVE the writing and enjoy it are the ones who will be “still standing” after all those who see it as a quick path to success drop out. I too get so many GOOD things from my books and from my blog that I do it regardless it ever makes me a success in anyone else’s eyes. Good for you for recognizing what is really important to you–and doing that. Not matter what–you are a success!!! ~Kathy
Thank you for that, Kathy! One of the things I actually love about social media is the friends we make, and the support and encouragement we give each other. YOU ROCK. :)
Well I still hope you get rich and sell all your books. When you’re on Oprah may I claim you as my next best friend? As for social media, aaaaaaaccccckkk – wait it’s sucking me back iiiiiinnnnnnn
Kymberly, if I get invited to be on Oprah, I’ll ask if I can bring you with me! It takes a village to sell a book! :)
I love this! The chasing numbers makes me crazy! Glad you found your joy in writing again.
Thanks, Cathy! It’s all coming back to me now, and I’m starting to feel the writing groove again. If I end up with a couple of hundred books in my garage, that’s okay with me. It will be a book garage sale someday! :)
Self knowledge is a powerful thing. Glad you figured out what works for you.
Yes, yes, yes! Social media doesn’t feel that social anymore. It is a means to an end. I truly miss the way blogging and social media used to be. I’ve always been a huge fan of your writing. Do what you love. Write and they will come :)
THANK YOU! I have been feeling that way for the past mont–but feeling guilty that I felt that way. Now one of my favorite writes has liberated me, and I will follow your actions–without guilt!
Yes, yes, yes. The comparison game is one of the hardest parts of blogging, especially when you see the big bloggers who have 100,000+ followers. Its easy to feel bad about ourselves. You’re right to enjoy the process and cherish those readers you have. We can’t lose sight of the fact that blogging is fun, which is the main reason we do it. Thank you.
Now this makes sense. You made me realize that I’m not the only one who loves writing first, and does not want to play the game of putting myself “out there” in order to be recognized. I just want to write. I have no delusions of making a living at it, though I love the extra money that comes my way when it does. I just know it isn’t something that for me, happens every day. And I’m okay with that. I want to enjoy my life, do my writing, in my own way, in my own time. This resonated with me in every way. Thanks.
Wow!! Such honesty! Very gutsy. Take a bow! Loved this post :)
I think you’re fabulous, if that means anything to you, and deserve to be famous. I look forward to reading your blog, and I personally don’t follow that many. Please keep doing what you are doing and enjoying and I wish you lots and lots of success.
Iris, thank you for your kind words and your generous spirit. You’ve made my weekend! :)
The love child of John Grisham and Erma Bombeck…. Hahaha!!! This reverberated all around my body, mind and soul. Thank you so much because now I am giving myself permission to stop all of it too. It’s gonna be just as freeing as tossing the scale, right? I’ve been using such a stupid litmus test for success because it didn’t even measure my own gratification and self-respect, not to mention making just one person smile. Love, love, love this Vikki. But oh what offspring EB and JG would have produced!
Hi Vikki,
I am a relatively new writer and my hubs is my biggest fan! He keeps trying to get me to write more, print, publish, make money at it! I tell him that I love his rose coloured glasses but I write for me ( and him) and have no delusions of anything else! Sure if JK Rowling’s publishers turned up at my house, I would drag them inside and lock the doors but that’s not why I write. Your post says to me, focus on why you started this, and if it makes you happy stick with it… Thanks for that. Your writing makes me pretty happy too, sometimes so much I pee my pants! Love the blog.