My brother called me and said he had recently met a woman he quite liked, but they were going through that semi-awkward getting-to-know-you phase, and since he’s charmingly reluctant to wax on about his attributes, he thought it might be a fun idea to have me write her an email, telling her what I thought about him. He gave me no other instructions or guidelines, so I was left to create this masterpiece on my own. Trusting guy, my brother.
I decided to address those issues I’d want to know if I was newly dating someone. Assuming we’re past wondering if he’s a bunny-burning-stalker-serial-killer, what else might I want to know? Hmmm. This is what I sent.
“Dear Tulip,
Roger asked me if I would be willing to share some things about him with you, but he left the what and the how to me, so I thought I’d give you a sister’s perspective. If I was considering dating a man I didn’t know, I’d talk to his sisters. We know everything, and are more than happy to blurt it all out, in tiny payback for streaking my 12th birthday slumber party in a pink tutu (yes, he did) or for hiding under my bed until I was almost asleep, then jumping out and scaring the bejeesus out of me on a weekly basis (yep, did that too). So here it is…
10 Things You Probably Don’t Know (But Should) About Roger:
1. He is funny and smart. This translates into fun to be around and easy to talk to. If you’ve been on the dating scene for more than, say, 20 minutes, you’ll know how rare this is.
2. He’s kind. His humor is never at another person’s expense. Nor at your’s.
3. He’s employed. In a big-boy-long-pants type job. Let’s face it. In this economy, it’s a valid question.
4. He has no behavioral or substance issues and has never belonged to any group with the word “Anonymous” in the title. Therefore, no one’s retirement account will be left on a blackjack table in Vegas or liquidated for a third stint at Serenity Lane.
5. His only child is grown. No awkward play dates at obnoxious pizza emporiums, eye-rolling tweeners who continually (and unnecessarily) remind you that you’re NOT their mother, or expensive custody battles with crazed ex-wives.
6. He has no crazed ex-wives. Ex-wives, yes, but they’re not part of his life, and they’re not crazy. Just idiots.
7. He’s fiercely loyal to the people he loves. He does not lie, and he does not cheat. (Again, good luck finding two of those guys in the same room.)
8. He’s romantic. Big time. He will write you poetry and take you dancing (ballroom, not bar). He rocks Valentine’s Day. You’ll be the envy of all your girlfriends (Hubs got me a Blu Ray player that he wanted, and tied a rose to it. Yeah, that’s how it is for rest of us…)
9. He’s got a rebel streak. He rides a Harley. But not in a mid-life crisis way. More like an “I’m cool, I’ve earned it, Here’s your helmet” kind of way.
10. His sisters adore him. Jakki, the sophisticated one, and me, the fabulous one. (Okay, that one was about me, but wth…my list, my rules.)
There you go, Ms. Tulip. I could sum it all up by saying that while it seems true that “the good ones are always taken,” every now and then, one pops up. And he’s a good one.
Vikki”
And they lived happily ever after…
Oh you are awesome sister and your brother is lucky to have you!!! And hope the girl in question thanked you for the awesome advice :) :)
Great letter and if I wasn’t happily married, I’d be asking for your brother’s number! :)
Tulip????? Nickname…I hope? Anyway I have been married for 43 years to the same man but would be willing to drop him for your brother. He sounds too good to be true.
It seems that Tulip might have some competition on her hands – in the form of your blog readers! First of all, Vikki, your words brought tears to my eyes. In a way only you could do, you perfectly blended humor and love. Have you thought of doing this as a business? I’m sure there are other people who would pay for these letters.
:-)
That’s awesome. You’re such a good sister. I could make a list of ten (or 50) reasons NOT to date my brother.
I’d marry him if I were single.
You are suck a wonderful sister… and are you the younger of you two? If you are, you are even more amazing.
This is hilarious. Your brother owes you.
You’re the most kick-ass sister ever. This chick is lucky.
And now you’ll have all the eligible women on the Planet wanting to meet him!
Haha, you’re a nice and fabulous sister. Yep, you could have really done a doozy, but you were sincere and I even chuckled a time or two. :D You’re awesome!
Wow, you should write personals. ;) Awesome letter and I love the sense of humor and the feelings of love and respect that flow from it. If she doesn’t continue to date your brother, there’s something seriously wrong with Tulip. :)
Why,oh why, didn’t I take you up on your offer??? I believe he lives in Bend… waaaaay too bad for me!
P.S. Number one, she’ll laugh her ass off and of course love Roger :-)
Good job, Sis!
Every brother should be lucky enough to have a sister (THE FABULOUS ONE!) who would write such fantastic things about him. He sounds awesome. Hope Tulip realizes how lucky she is!! :)
aww…this is such a loving letter. I loved it. No wonder they lived happily ever after.
Great post, Vickki
Yup, you have accurately described the Roger I know and love.
Your cuz, Joan
Always thought he was one of the good guys even back in school.
Man, if I weren’t married to such a fabulous husband already you could sell Roger to me! Actually it sounds like my Philip and Roger could be brothers as they sound very similar.