I love beauty products. I love the whole beauty industry (except the part where women over forty are unfavorably compared to twenty-year-old swizzle sticks). Over the years, I’ve learned a lot through it, written a lot about it, and bought a lot of it.
I’m turning 59 this year, which got me thinking about beauty lessons I’ve learned, over the years, that remain timeless. We may be 35 or 75. We may shop at Nordstrom or Rite Aid. But some things are true no matter what your age.
1. Be careful with cosmetic intervention. Your face should not look 20 years younger than the rest of you. Too much, and you don’t look younger. You look weird.
2. Wear sunscreen. Every single day. Only infants can look like Yoda and still be considered cute.
3. Don’t make hairstyle decisions after 9 p.m or more than two glasses of wine. Spontaneous hair chops while in exhausted or half-gassed conditions (or God forbid, both), have resulted in far too many morning-after cries “OMG, What was I thinking??”
4. No matter what the spa brochure says about their “Painless Bikini Wax,” there’s No. Such. Thing.
5. Skin care is a forehead-to-boobs concept. Unless you spend 365 days a year in turtlenecks, the skin on your neck and upper chest gets the same amount of sun exposure as your face, and can look just as weathered. If you do it for your face, do it for your boobs. You’ll thank me later.
6. Every woman should wear red lipstick, even if it’s just once in her lifetime. Something about it is powerful. It’s the ultimate “Don’t mess with me. You won’t win” bad ass makeup product.
7. Determine your best asset and buy only those clothes that show it off. Voluptuous curves, great legs, tiny ankles, pretty arms, beautiful back, great clavicles, long neck? Every woman has something that the rest of us would love to have. Dump everything that could double as an emergency pup tent or makes you feel fat, old, or invisible. Start buying clothes that accentuate your unique fabulousness. It’s the best confidence builder ever.
8. Clean out your closet once a year. Get rid of the anything that’s falling apart, out-of-date, or just plain ugly. Start with the prairie skirt your ex-husband bought you six years ago (which might explain the “ex” thing). Toss anything, including scarves and shoes, that no longer fits or is uncomfortable for any reason. Be ruthless. Then see #7.
9. If you do only one thing this year, try a new hair cut or color. Virtually every reality TV makeover starts with the hair. There’s a reason for that. Mall cuts or mousy, faded hair color makes you look like Great-Aunt Agnes from Des Moines. A good cut or a rich, vibrant color can make your skin glow and your eyes sparkle. Boom.
10. Use the best moisturizer you can afford, but recognize that it’s topical and has limitations. If you really want to reduce those crow’s feet around your eyes or the vertical creases around your mouth and nose, you’re talking injectibles (yep, Botox). Start saving up.
11. A good magnifying mirror can be your best friend. How else can we spot those tiny little chin hairs or keep that lip pencil actually on the lips?
12. Always test a self-tanner before you apply it from head to toe. Most of them smell nasty and make you look like a bottle of Tang.
13. Minimize shimmery products on any part of you that is lined or droopy. Sparkle catches the eye, making it what people notice first. If your nipples point south like divining rods searching for water, and you sprinkle your chest with sparkle powder before your high school reunion, you’ve just enlightened the entire class of 1974. If your eyes are lined or crepey, shimmer can settle in the folds, turning your makeup into a glitter craft project at your kid’s preschool.
14. Never shop when you’re depressed. And never, ever shop for jeans or swimsuits when you don’t have your game on. If you must buy something when you’re feeling blue, shoes are the perfect choice. A new pair of fabulous black boots is guaranteed to pick up your spirits, with no dieting or spinning classes required. Winning.
15. Have a professional makeover at least once every 10 years. If you’ve been wearing the same haircut and the same makeup for 10 years, you’re in a rut and you probably look dated. Your skin changes. Products change. Trends change. So should you.
16. If you’re feeling in a fashion rut (yoga pants and t-shirts, anybody?), enlist the help of your best-dressed girlfriend. Hit the mall and let her pick out your options. (You’ll just grab new yoga pants, and you already own eight pairs.) Promise to try on everything she hands you. You might be surprised at what you can rock.
17. Learn to use hair products. Together. Mousse and volumizing spray, with styling brushes, are often required as hair thins after menopause. Repeat after me, “Product is my friend.”
18. Makup product junkies (like me), yes, you can have too many. Pull out your stash. All of it. If you have have 15 lipsticks, 5 mascaras, a dozen eyeshadows, 4 concealers, 2 bronzers, 3 different self-tanners, and a half-dozen nail polishes, it’s time to declutter. Pare down to what you actually wear, then give the extras to your DIL. She’ll trade you the grandkids for the weekend.
19. You can’t live a stressful life, with too much alcohol, too little exercise, the not-so-occasional cigarette, a daily dietary habit of pretzels and Diet Coke, and have good skin. Beauty products assume you’re a team player. So take care of the rest of you, and your skin will reflect the love.
I love this sage advice! Friends who do their own hair color, it looks flat or too dark. Spending the money for professional hair color is worth it. I did #16 and I have to say my wardrobe is revamped for the better. It is great to have extra eyes that can say yes or no and move on.
Thanks, Haralee! I color my own hair, but only because it’s just bleached, without adding any color. And I have to keep it 1/2″ long or it will all fall out. Oh, the price we pay… :)
These are GREAT! I especially wish someone would have clued me into the forehead to boobs concept earlier in my life! Thanks for sharing!
You’re quite welcome, Karen! Thanks for stopping by and commenting! :)
All great tips! Personally, I’m obsessed with those chin hairs and it’s amazing how quickly they sprout. Also, I will pay more attention to greasing up the boobs – I usually stop at the neck, but you’re right it should be a forehead to boob concept. Thanks for the beauty reminders.
You’re welcome, Laurie! I’m with you. The pesky little chin hairs get plucked at first sight. As for my skin care going to my boobs, every year, the journey takes longer and I need more product. :)
So fun to read! And I do need to start bringing the sunscreen past my chin line, thanks for the reminder.
Kimberly XO
Thank you, Kimberly! We’ve all seen women with beautiful faces and their grandma’s neck. Ouch! :)
Love your advice. And you are so right about the neck. Too bad we can’t wear turtlenecks year round.
Thanks, Helene! I can’t stand anything around my neck. So turtlenecks or scarves are never going to be an option. I have to take better care of my chest than I do my face! :)
Great advice Vikki!
Trouble is, I really really really like my yoga pants … or, any sort of soft and bendy material that allows free movement, for that matter.
I’ve found ways to jazz them up … and their close cousin, the leggings, step in when necessary.
Why is it that the most comfortable clothes have a fashion stigma attached? Why do we have to be uncomfortable in order to be “styled”? (I’ve always wondered this … it’s not an “over 50 thing”. LOL)
Thanks, T.O! Hubs and I watched a western movie last night, and the female lead was cleaning the chicken coop with a big bustle on her butt. Hubs couldn’t believe it when I told him it was a large piece of iron lattice attached to her waist, underneath her skirt. I’m not sure how far we’ve come! :)
Great advice!! I’m on board with most of these. Sadly I’ve combined #9 and #3 once too often with “unfortunate” results. Moisturizer, moisturizer, moisturizer, I can’t get enough.
Thanks, Jennifer! Ooh, #3 AND #9? At least tell me you had fun that night! :)
Beauty is as wisdom does. Looking good lady.
Thank you, Ms. Cheryl! I could say the same for you, my gorgeous friend! :)
I really need to work on #19. Skin looked fabulous up until I was about 33. Then depression, stress, alcohol and letting myself go took its toll on me. Now, at 35, I look worn out and exhausted. Not how a woman should look. Hell, I even stopped wearing makeup for no good reason.
Thanks, Vikki. This post is a wake up call. I really need to focus on getting my shit back together and pronto.
Thanks, Kim! The good…no, great news for you is that 35 is young enough to get it all back, without cosmetic intervention. A few targeted skin care products (get a professional recommendation), lots of water, and regular sleep, and poof, you’re back! (I’m not jealous. Really, I’m not…) :)
A wonderful post with a touch of humor about the things every girl should know. Thank you Vikki.
Thank you, Surya! This one was fun to write! :)
Vikki, these are really good. Most women don’t realize that the decolletege should be treated just like the face. And the neck, too.
I especially like your advice about getting a professional makeover every 10 years. I see so many women in my town wearing the exactly same hairstyle they had for their prom picture. Not only is it outdated, but faces change over time and it’s no longer flattering.
Anyway, these are good tips.
Thank you, Chloe! Loved your post today. Very powerful and beautifully written. Shared! :)
Thank you!
Excellent advice and shared in the most humorous way, as always. I now drive 2 hours to get my hair done because there’s not a stylist worth a damn in this charming little resort town. But it is worth the drive! I think it’s important to have a solid relationship with a good stylist. He’s snarky, too, which I love!
b
Thank, Barbara! I miss my snarky young hairdresser from the days before I started cutting my own hair (it’s 1/2″ long. My three-year-old granddaughter could do it). But I don’t get the wash and blow dry. Now you’ve got me thinking I need an appointment! :)
Such great advice packaged in a good laugh. Nothing better my dear!
Thank you, Rena! And thanks for stopping by with kind words! :)
Such good advice (especially paired with one of your previous posts about which beauty products are worth it)! I feel a closet purge coming on…
Thanks, Roxanne! Ooh, a closet purge?? I LOVE cleaning out closets. I can be there in 10! :)
Hubby loves my ass so picking out jeans HAVE to be approved by him! And my make-up drawer looks like I have enough for 5 people! So I’m taking your advise–clean it out!
Cheryl, I love that your Hubs has approve your jeans! My Hubs has vetoed a couple AFTER I bought them. Ouch. :)
I’ve spent most of my life as a minimalist- little make-up, a unique too casual style. I worked well then, But now at 59, I need make-up and a new fashion sense. However, both need to applied with skill, otherwise I just look garish. Thank you for your help.
Beth, it’s true. As we get older, less is more! :)
#20. Make sure you check out the eyebrows of the woman who says “let me clean these up bit” before she starts the wax process. Lesson learned. Great post.
Absolutely, Pam! Check out her makeup before she plops you a chair and grabs a foundation bottle. If hers is horrible, yours will be too! :)
Okay, so I did #9 a month ago, and I have bought more product in the past month than the past 12 years! LOL – totally relating to #17 EVERY day. And because the new ‘do looks good, I had to do #8 and then #16. LOL. I think #6 is the next step and won’t cost as much $$ as #17! But if it does, who cares, because what is that tagline? “I’m worth it.” LOL – thanks, Vikki! Another great post :-)
Lynne, You are SO worth it! :)
As a woman who wears eyeliner and lipstick on FANCY OCCASIONS ONLY, I am happy to find some advice here that even makes sense to granola-crunchy old me! The moisturizer part as well as the every-ten-years hair redo are things I need to embrace. Thanks for all this!
You’re welcome, Debi! I’m with you. I figure that as long as I have eyeliner and lipstick somewhere on hand, I can go anywhere! :)
Love this post, Vikki! Some great tips here. And a great tone from you – as always.
I’ll be sharing it on FB tomorrow – right now there’s so much awful news happening I’m holding back on shares.
Smooches to you!
Thanks, Andrea! I’m tickled that you want to share this. Anytime! :)
Finally catching up on my blog reading and I LOVE this article. Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom.
Question: if you’re mid-forty-something and haven’t had any sort of makeover since you were 16, where would you go to get one?
Thanks, Cassandra! Not since you were 16? In that case, go pro. Don’t take advice from the checker at the local Walgreen’s. I’d head for a department store or Sephora/Ulta type boutique. Look for a cosmetic salesperson around your age (a decade either way, but no more) and whose makeup you like. No matter what brand she represents. At that level, they’re all good. Similar products, different packaging. Then ask her if she’ll do your makeup for you. I like to go in without any makeup on at all, and just see what they do. I invariably learn something new! (And truly, you don’t have to buy it all.) Good luck, and have fun with it! :)
Thanks!
Uhoh, I’m guilty of #18. Too may every things. Anyone need any nail polish? How about some blushes? Must give a lot away. Thanks for reminding me. What did you do in the makeup buisness?