Trying to Lose Weight? 12 Stupidest Weight Loss Tips Ever

skinny person

Recently I saw a television interview with a self-proclaimed money expert who said that if you want to get rich , you should start a religion or discover a new diet. Apparently a great majority of Americans are spiritually confused or fat. Notwithstanding the fact that we live in a culture where a size 12 […]

How to Make a Halloween Costume Without Spending a Dime

halloween pets

Okay. I admit it. I’m a Halloween curmudgeon. I just don’t get this day. It’s an outdoor event, in late October, when it’s invariably rainy, dark, and cold, primarily revolving around scaring the crap out of sugar-crazed herds of costumed tater tots, while simultaneously encouraging them to approach total strangers for candy (subsequently undoing years of stern lessons about […]

How to Apologize to Your Wife

deadly tips

Recently, over tacos and icy margaritas at our favorite local taco wagon, Hubs and I (and everyone else) overheard an argument between a young man and his wife that went from zero to 60 the instant he blurted out, “God, you sound just like your mother when you say that.” Obviously this wasn’t a compliment, because she looked horrified and burst into tears. As […]

10 Lessons I’ve Learned from my Middle-Age Body

boobs in coffee

Last month, I turned 58. As in “years old.” Fifty. Eight. I don’t care who you are, 58 is no longer “young.” Body parts have shifted downwards. Skin has lost its memory yarn. Thighs ripple when we’re standing still. Once-defined triceps now flap like sheets on a clothesline. Weight has moved into our hips and bellies with the tenacity of squatters on the […]

What Women Love About Marriage

marriage

A few weeks ago, I was thrilled to have a post reprinted on a wildly popular blog called Scary Mommy. (Thanks, Jill Smokler!) It was called “25 Things Women Want in a Pre-Nup,” written simply as a lighthearted list of things men do that drive their wives crazy. It was a compilation of hilarious comments (taken from a boisterous and merry group […]

Inspirational Quotes… A Reality Check

fairy tale2

I love inspirational quotes. “Believe it, and you can achieve it.” “Do all things with love.” “Be awesome today.” Pithy little messages of motivation, hope, faith, and love that inspire us to try a little harder, reach a little further, and love a little more. For many years, from the late 70s through the early 90s, I was a […]

From MILF to Middle-Age. 25 Signs It’s Happened to You

birth control

Spending much of my adult life in retail, I’ve come to the conclusion that many women don’t know when it’s time to let go of an era and move gracefully to the next chapter. (And I’m not throwing stones. I recently bequeathed a few clothing favorites to my DIL, after viewing the unfortunate photos from […]

Rules of Engagement. 8 Ways to Keep the Love Alive

youre crazy

There’s a moment in every marriage when the relationship shifts from Phase I, where everything your partner says is oh-so-witty and even his breathing fascinates you, to Phase II, where the love, although deeper and fuller, feels a little less “hot.” Maybe it happened overnight after a single, unfortunate event (the night he got drunk at your office Christmas […]

Considering a Midlife Career Change? 15 Unexpected Money Makers

funny-one-job-meme

A few weeks ago, Hubs announced that after almost 30 years as a contractor, he was thinking about changing careers because he’d “really like to do something else.” I replied, ever-so-gently, that given his linear job experience, I couldn’t imagine what he would suddenly do that would help pay the bills. We were simply too old for […]

Woman vs. Nature. I’m Going Down

I hate nature

Generally speaking, I love the outdoors. Warm summer temperatures make me want to ride a bike, plant flowers, go for evening  “Howdy, Neighbor” walks to wave at all the people we haven’t seen since last summer, and spend long, lazy days in the sun with a fat book. Unfortunately, Mother Nature doesn’t appear to reciprocate my feelings. In fact, […]