Last month, I turned 58. As in “years old.” Fifty. Eight.
I don’t care who you are, 58 is no longer “young.” Body parts have shifted downwards. Skin has lost its memory yarn. Thighs ripple when we’re standing still. Once-defined triceps now flap like sheets on a clothesline. Weight has moved into our hips and bellies with the tenacity of squatters on the back 40 of the Ponderosa. I’ve reached the age where apparently the only way to get gravity working in my favor is to walk on my hands with my feet in the air.
But today, I got to thinking about the beauty of aging. Yes, I’m aware that my boobs are no longer up around my clavicles (frankly, they haven’t been within Howdy-neighbor proximity for several years), but honestly, would you be 23 again?? Yep, all perky boobs and flawless skin, but often in exchange for angst and uncertainty. Middle age brings with it a certain peace about ourselves and our bodies, which is ultimately liberating.
So for my birthday, to balance the scales of the eight billion of articles and blog posts (including my own) about the Seriously?? side of menopause and the sudden tsunami of AARP applications in our mailbox, I decided to write about the 10 Best Lessons I’ve Learned from my Middle-Age Body.
1. Humility. I’ve come to realize that there are certain things I can’t control. While it’s true that we can go to the gym, watch what we eat, and otherwise stop beating the crap out of our temples, and we can even choose to refresh God’s handiwork with a little nip/tuck along the way, the fact remains that we cannot stop the aging process. In a society that worships youth and firm thighs, it is no longer our turn. Let it go, and let the next generation have their day. They will be us someday.
2. Compassion. I’m less judgmental. About myself and about other women in my age bracket. If I have a second piece of cheesecake, I’m not a weak, pathetic behemoth who’ll be fat forever because she has absolutely no self-discipline. And if I see another women who’s overweight (by today’s ridiculous standards), I don’t automatically conclude that she’s a sloth who just needs to put down the damn fork. Maybe she’s genetically curvy and has other, higher priorities than the exhausting pursuit of flat abs at age 60. I like her already.
3. The importance of a sense of humor. Iif we haven’t learned to laugh at ourselves by now, we need to take a class. It’s time to find the funny in this whole process (God knows, we have enough material). Otherwise we end up looking like that Cat Woman (or half of Hollywood), with too many surgeries and too many diets that end up making us look creepy and desperate. I’d rather my kids say “She was a hilarious old broad when she died” than “We lost Mom on her last face lift, but our children no longer have nightmares.”
4. Patience. When you’re young, if you want to lose five pounds by Saturday, you can start on Thursday and hit your goal. By 50+, five pounds can be a month’s work. And if your last workout was in 2010, you’re a good six months away from firm thighs. But I’ve decided that’s okay, and I’m resetting my bar.
5. Exercise should be fun. It’s like sex. If you’re not having a good time, you’re doing it wrong. Do what you like. You’ll do it more often, and get better results. (True on both counts.)
6. Comparisons are pointless. There will always be somebody thinner, prettier, and younger than you. And if you look for it, you can always find someone fatter, homelier, and older than you. Who cares? When I meet the woman who cures cancer, then I’ll be intimidated.
7. Listen to my body. I’ve stopped trying to tell it what it needs, what’s it supposed to be doing, and what it should look like. If it says I’m tired, I take a nap. If it feels stiff, I do some stretching. If it craves something sweet, I have a cookie (okay, four…don’t judge. See #2). My body is no longer the enemy, needing to be beat into submission for daily infractions of not being tall enough, pretty enough, or thin enough. It is what it is, and now it tells me what to do.
8. When God taketh away, He giveth something better. When we stop mourning the loss of smooth skin, lear-jet-level metabolism, and any body parts that could be even loosely described as “perky,” we discover an increased sex drive, the end of periods or pregnancy scares, more confidence, and less anxious self-absorption about how we look, leaving us free to reinvent ourselves in whatever way we choose. I’m thinking we came out ahead on this deal.
9. If Hubs buys me something sexy, I wear it. Even if I think I’m too old, too fat, too soft, too…just too 58. I’ve learned that how he sees me and how I see me are vastly different. He doesn’t want a 20-year-old beach volleyball player. He wants me. So I dim the lights and strut my stuff, in all its goofy, middle-aged glory.
10. Time will always win. ‘Nuf said.
So my advice for the middle-age blahs? Grab your iPod, find your best boogie song, turn it up LOUD, and do your naked happy dance in the bathroom mirror. Bust all your worst moves (the ones that make your kids want to move to another state and disclaim all relation to you). All those body parts a-flying and butts jiggling are guaranteed to get you laughing and put the yippy back in your skippy.
Try it. You know you want to. We’ll wait.
Haha! Thanks for the Monday morning wake up, reminder and reassurance. Needed that!
Thanks, Geralyn! Glad I help out your Monday morning! :)
I’m with you — I’m not looking to trade 60 for 20. Been there. Done that.
Ain’t that the truth, Suzanne! Took me awhile to get there though! :)
Love this Vikki….and your hair! Come visit me at “You just have to Laugh…:” where I blog about the comedy of caregiving.” at http://www.cathysikorski.com. Middle age ain’t so middle it’s more like the icing on the cake!
Thanks, Cathy! I’m on my way over to your blog now. Anything that have “Laugh” in the title gets my attention! :)
Yeah!!
Good morning, Nancy! Happy to see you up and on Laugh Lines! :)
Well said Vikki! The other thing I love is not having to be obsessed with the latest and greatest in fashion, decorating or material trends, but rather, being increasingly thrilled with the blessings of simple creature comforts, healthy rituals and a gentler lifestyle. This change of direction and focus means much more time for important pursuits – family, career, hobbies. It’s highly liberating! Let’s celebrate this! :)
Thanks, Abby! Yes, we can still celebrate birthdays, even at “our age”! :)
As always, you make me want to give you a great big high five, followed by a hug. Awesome work, Vikki!
Thanks, Karen! Glad you liked it! :)
Fabulous! Just Fabulous!
Thanks, Doreen! It was a fun (and liberating) one to write! :)
Brilliant! You are so right, time to move on and accept who we are in mind and body, Yep I turned 59 yesterday, so there I was “out to lunch” with my two 14 year old twins (yes fertility drugs do work) and my 82 year old Mother, what a hoot!! Thanks for reminding us that we are awesome just the way we are at any ‘number.’
Thanks, Karen, and happy birthday! 14-year-old twins and your mom? We aren’t called the Sandwich Generation for nothing. :) Your lunch sounds like a blast!
I need to learn #6 and #7 RIGHTNOW!
Thanks for these, Vikki. You have a fabulous attitude and that’s far more important than any kind of chronological marker :)
Thanks, Lizzi! It took a long time in coming, but my attitude about getting older really has changed. Now if I could just get those boobs back up there… :)
Thanks I needed this laugh this morning :) I’m turning 58 in 20 days. Gah. Oh well, like you said, it’s THEIR turn. I would never go back to 23. xo
Happy early birthday, Karen! 58 is actually pretty cool. Come on in, the water’s fine! :)
You made my Monday!! Thanks bunches! And..at 59 I find I can really rock my sparkly shirts now!
Thanks, Cate! And you’ll be rocking those sparkles into your 70s! :)
YEAH WITH THE SPARKLES! :)
This is so beautiful, I would love to get the whole list cross-stitched in a giant body pillow. Which I can no longer sleep without. I agree 100% on the whole going back thing, I would not go back to my 20’s or teens for all the money and tight-skin in the world! My body may look worse every year, (mostly b/c I don’t do the right things often) but I do get more comfortable in my wrinkling, sagging skin every year. That is priceless!
Thanks so much, Joy! And I love the idea of a big body pillow with a great message stitched on it. Let’s do it! :)
“Amen!” – to everything you just said dear Vikki! I recently turned 55 and while I may not be especially thrilled to have arrived, I figure that as long as it’s where I’m at, I might as well enjoy the heck out of being here. Your excellent post gives me added incentive and is much appreciated. Thank you! :)
Thanks, Marcia! I love, love, love your generous and sharing spirit with my writing. THANK YOU!
This was truly beautiful, Vikki! And I’m not going to lie, I found this part particularly amusing: “Weight has moved into our hips and bellies with the tenacity of squatters on the back 40 of the Ponderosa.” I will now be referring to my gut as the “back 40.” LOL!
Thanks, Sarah! I’ve been calling my butt the Ponderosa for years. Never fails to crack up the Hubs! :)
Four weeks shy of turning 34 and I get this, somehow. Maybe it’s because I’ve been overweight all my life and have never had the perfect body or a great rack by society’s standards. Maybe it’s the recent months of therapy and medication. I don’t know. All I know is that I’m giving a lot less of a crap about the aging process AND what others think of me. Society standards be damned. I’ll do what I want and LIKE IT dagnabbit.
Kim, I like your style! Thanks for stopping by and commenting! :)
I’m still waiting for the patience to kick in, but I’m hitting 50 in February, so there is hope.
And how terrible is it that as soon as I read the meme at the top, I could hear Carly Simon singing “Boobs in my coffee…boobs in my coffee and…” ;)
Linda, OMG, now I’ve got an ear worm song in my head and I can’t stop laughing (which wouldn’t be a problem if I wasn’t at work!) :)
I agree. Although even in my 20’s I didn’t have *that* body, I’m ok with that now. Mostly.
Thanks, Piper! Still in your 20s? Oh, you have so many fun experiences ahead of you! :)
Hi Vicki,
This is so funny but I can’t relate. I’m actually happier with my body now (and my looks) than I was in my 20s and 30s and early 40s. Go figure?
Actually, I agree, Estelle! I am more confident and kinder to myself now than I was “back then.” We are fabulous! :)
Great lessons! I’m with you on all, but especially 2, 3 and 7.
Thanks, Claudia! It’s been fun seeing who identifies and likes which point the best. I’m learning a lot about our group, and WE ROCK. :)
Very reflective Vikki! I was having coffee with a girlfriend when another woman she knew dropped in and sat with us for a spell. She is about 10 years younger. Another woman saw her and came over to our table. Introductions all around and that woman left. The younger woman said to us after she left, “Boy she has really let herself go”. My friend and I burst out laughing! Here was an attractive woman, that maybe in her 20’s she was spectacular but she still looked great to us. Funny what a mere 10 years can do to your perspective!
Thanks, Haralee! Yes, she will be US someday, and some young chippy will say, “Wow, you still wear high heels, at your age??” Karma, baby! :)
Thank you, I just turned 60….just last month, so I am not sure how I feel about it. I think part of what I would like to do for my 60 year old self is give her a break. Stop worrying so much about what she eats, if she exercised, or fed the homeless. Thank you for a moment to think
Thanks, Donna! Sometimes we just need to step back and breeeeathe. We are our own toughest critics! :)
Are you suggesting that 58 year old people still have sex!!?? Gross! Lol, no, I kid.
My wife could use to pick up some of these on her way to old age, and i think she has, for the most part. It took her awhile to understand that I totally find her sexier than a beach volleyball player half my age because she just is!
Men and women both could use the security that us middle age folks get much earlier in life. Twould make the world a better place.
Some 58-year-olds Don, but not ME. :) Yes, the world would be a gentler place if we knew “then” what we know now!
Loved this! Whenever I see some young, shapely woman and I start to think, “I’ll never look like that again,” I have to remind myself that I never looked like that in the FIRST place! So, dealing with the hand I have now at 60+, I look to the fabulous women who exude confidence with their silver hair and fuller figures and think: what the hell! I can do that too. We’re lucky to have some great role models out there…
You’re so funny, Risa! I do the same thing, and then I slap myself. I was never a leggy gazelle, so it’s not like I lost that! :)
I am digging the aging process…sure..there are things I would change, but mostly I finally like who I am.
Me too, Michelle! I think sometimes it’s just the NUMBER, not the actual age! :)
Ok you need to sell coffee mugs or t-shirts saying “Put the yippy back in your skippy” to remind us all to relax and enjoy life!
Mo, what a great idea! I may just have to pursue that… :)
This is hilarious AND insightful. So true that we can’t fight it. We all get older. It’s life’s one constant. So we might as well embrace it while still treating ourselves well so we can get as most out of it as we can.
Thanks, Carrie! Yep, time marches on, whether we’re on board or not. So let’s get this party started! :)
Yet another brilliant gem! “howdy neighbor proximity!!” Can’t stop laughing!
Stephanie
I turned 70 this summer….and I couldn’t agree more!
Eva, 70 is the new…well, 70, and it’s FABULOUS! God willing, I’m right behind you! :)
Hi Vicki! Happy late birthday. And I LOVE your list…every single one of them–especially number 8. My life just keeps getting better and better and at 59 (now) I’m looking forward to what happens in my 60’s! ~Kathy
Thanks, Kathy! You’re right, it just keeps getting better! We’ve got this aging thing DOWN. :)
I love you, Vicki! My birthday is this month, and I’ll be 54. I’m learning to appreciate the wisdom and confidence I have today. (And I’m trying not to miss the perky boobs and concave tummy.)
Happy birthday, Elizabeth! Trust me, it keeps getting better. And you look fabulous! :)
I have no issue accepting that I am 53, it does help that I keep forgetting I’m 53. A sense of humour is very important to me, the ability to laugh at myself keeps me young.
I couldn’t agree more! As long as we can laugh, we remain beautiful. :)
That was awesome Vikki! I pinned this and my exercise is going to be reading this every morning! They should give a copy to every woman on her 40th birthday!
Thanks, Rena! I’d be happy to share! :)
Amen. Amen. Amen. I am learning to appreciate each and every day I spend with my presbyopic sight even if it does take in flapping, sagging, graying, splotching aspects of my body. Thanks for the reminder!
Thanks for commenting, Nancy! I agree, we just need to let it go and get out and have fun, dammit! :)
Ever since I hit the big 5-OH my body has been showing me who’s boss. Love your attitude :)
That’s when it all started happening to me too! I tell the next generation, “Don’t get cocky. This body will be yours someday!” :)
I might only be 32 but I get what you are saying with this post. That’s exactly how I feel about the whole aging process. It’s funny but my mom turned 61 this August and she is the exact opposite. I think she could learn from you and your outlook!
Thanks, Ana! Maybe your mom and I should go out for a glass of wine. :)
You guidance should be incorporated into an anthem for the middle aged!
Gary, you crack me up! But if someone can put it to song, I’m in! :)
Well, I would be ok to have my 23 year old body again, though I am good to skip actually reliving my youth, fun as it was. I found my head nodding and my double chin wig-wagging in agreement and “oh hayul yes” as I progressed through your fab and oh so true list!
Close to 70 – bday next week. I get busier and younger every year. LOVED to have made this connection with you!
Thanks, Carol! I’m delighted that we crossed paths on my blog. You look fabulous, and Happy Early Birthday! I’ve been to your site. Love it! Is this fun or what? :)
LOVED the article!
Whelp, I tried to send a Twitter msg 2X yet failed; guess I’m still figuring this out!
But hell, I didn’t have FLAT ABS at the advanced age of TWELVE, when I reached my full height of 5’7″ and was temporarily wearing single-digit sizes (since it took my body weight a while to catch up) – if only I could go back & slap myself for all the YEARS I wasted, always thinking I needed to lose 15, 20, 30, or 40 lbs!?!
(I don’t advertise my puny lil’ “Days of My Life” blog on Twitter or another other venue since last year’s stern admonition from family court judge to DELETE it! There’s nothing there but my version of the truth – last I checked, we still had First Amendment rights…)