In my office on the computer, when I hear Kenny calling from the living room, “COME HERE! QUICK!!” I race down the hall to find him staring, entranced, by a commercial for a “Complete EZ Garage Tool Organization Kit.” He’s got the same expression on his face I get when we pass the local bakery on Taste-Test Tuesdays. Apparently his ultimate fantasy is NOT me in a thong and stilettos (understandably). It’s the garage tool organizer that ate Manhattan. With a price tag to match.
Not to be deterred from getting my man what he wants, I send him out the door to work, roll up my sleeves, and prepare to unmask the secrets of tool organization on a budget. How hard can this be?
Later that same day…
I see Kenny’s truck pulling in the driveway, just as I’m putting the finishing touches on my “Welcome Home and SURPRISE” outfit, when I hear the garage door open. OH BOY…
“Oh. My. God. Woman, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?” Okay, not quite the delighted, I’m-so-glad-I-married-you-cause-you’re-totally-amazing response I was hoping for, but there was still time to fix it. “I organized your tools for you, like you said you wanted,” as I flashed my brightest But I love YOU smile. By now he was doing that wheezing thing he does whenever he can’t speak. Usually not a good sign. “How the hell am I supposed to FIND anything??” he cried. Well, if that’s all your worried about, I got you covered, sweetie.
“I made a chart. See? I taped it on the wall. The PINK section is for all the tools I like to use. The BLUE section is for your guy-tools that I’ve seen you use. The GREEN section is for tools I don’t recognize. Sort of like a ‘tool junk drawer.’ We can deal with that later. And the open WHITE space is for anything you want, because I’ve moved all your lawn care stuff out behind the house. Of course, we’ll probably need a carport or an awning or something in the winter, but look at all this space! Cool, huh?”
He looked at me and replied, “You know what? I have an idea that just might make this work. Give me half an hour.” Okay, he’s liking it. I can tell.
30 minutes later, I find him in the dining room, with graphing paper and markers spread out across the table. “I’ve decided to stay home tomorrow and organize your closet. THIS half is for everything you own in black. Shoes, boots, shirts, pants, bras. Everything. THIS half will be divided into sections: PINK is everything you told me was on sale, but wasn’t. BLUE is for everything you’ve only worn once, ever. GREEN is for everything that hasn’t fit since 1976, and BROWN is for everything you love, but I don’t. You’re right. This is cool! Let’s go do your coats!”
FINE. I’ll put it all back tomorrow. Geez, must men always be so theatrical?