On our anniversary this year, Hubs gave me a beautiful, oversize card that listed a few of my better qualities and why Hallmark thought he scored when we got married. As I was reading it, I found myself mentally rewriting the card with reasons he didn’t get quite so lucky but chose to stick it out anyway, which is actually […]
He Tried to Dump Me. We Got Married Instead
Kenny and I almost didn’t get married. During our dating year prior to the wedding, he dumped me. Twice. He’d be quick to jump in here and state that it wasn’t for lack of love. He just wasn’t sure we could go the distance. He’d been married a couple of times before (as had I) and was […]
My Second-Cousin’s Sister’s Boyfriend’s Goat Told Hubs I Have a Blog. And That’s How Rumors Get Started
My husband has never read my blog. Not once. Not. A. Single. Post. In his defense, he hates the computer, and generally sees it as a huge time-sucker that exists purely to frustrate him whenever he tries to look up the price of used fishing boats for sale within a 65-mile radius. If he needs […]
Summer Workouts. Maybe I Should’ve Started in the Spring
As the weather gets warmer and clothes get, well…smaller, I decided it was time to get into shape for summer. Nothwithstanding the knowledge that unless you’re 12, with the tone and definition of youth, AND you can lose 10 pounds on a 3-day juice cleanse, summer is, admittedly, a bit late to get in shape […]
I Tried to Be a Natural Beauty. Once. In 1974
Okay, I confess. I’ve always been a bit jealous of women who can live without beauty products. Nature babies who can hit the open road on the back of a motorcycle, with all their multipurpose (shampoo, body wash, deodorant AND laundry detergent IN ONE BOTTLE) personal care items stuffed into a saddle bag, with room […]
I Love You Too. Now Shut Up
Ask any longtime married couple the secret to wedded bliss and you might get a few answers like “shared interests,” “patience,” or even the occasional “great sex.” However, most marital decathlon winners will tell you the secret to long-time happiness is knowing when to SHUT UP. Coming from a family of multiple-marriers (brothers and sisters, […]
Nice to Meet You. I’m Glinda. The Good Witch
My grandmother was a witch. Not as in “nasty old bat,” but as in “I can put a curse on you” type witch. Seriously, you did NOT want to piss this woman off. If you fell from her grace, she would put a “fie” on you, and bad things would begin to happen. The first […]
Golfers Call It a Mulligan. I Need One For My Life
Several years ago, I was a court reporter, reporting depositions and public hearings around the Pacific Northwest. Since I didn’t work for the State, these proceedings didn’t take place in courthouses or major cities. We’d go to whatever town the witnesses lived in and set up our laptops wherever we were directed to be. We […]
And That’s Why God Invented Microwaves
Of all the mysteries in the kitchen, by far the greatest enigma is the stove. With all of its knobs and settings, multiple burners (in various sizes), LED lights, and options for a vast and baffling array of activities, not to mention the damn oven portion, with not one, but TWO adjustable racks, and a […]
It’s Swimsuit Season. Pass the Milk Duds
Enjoying the warmer temperatures and anticipating upcoming spring weather, I took a look at my all-black closet and decided to go do some spring shopping for a little color. My plans took a slight shift when Kenny announced he’d like to join me, but then I envisioned a few new purchases, with a stop for […]
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