Okay, I confess. I’ve always been a bit jealous of women who can live without beauty products. Nature babies who can hit the open road on the back of a motorcycle, with all their multipurpose (shampoo, body wash, deodorant AND laundry detergent IN ONE BOTTLE) personal care items stuffed into a saddle bag, with room for clothes, for a two-week trip. These women can go from bed to their inevitable a.m. yoga class in 15 minutes flat, and somehow manage to look great.
My morning routines are a bit more, well…complicated. I’m a product junkie, with a bathroom that friends have been known to raid instead of driving an hour to Nordstrom. There are products that cleanse, exfoliate, lift, moisturize, tone, tighten, soften, smooth (and nary a one that achieves more than one objective, hence the need for multiple products), and otherwise make you younger, sexier, thinner, and able to achieve world peace. Do they all work? Yeah, no. But the guys that invented hope in a jar are really, really good at what they do. If their high-gloss, full-color, wildly expensive ad in More magazine says that cream will erase the ever-creeping-south lines around my eyes, what the hell, I’m in. Yes, I know half these products won’t deliver, but they’re yummy, they smell great, and I love “the process.” It makes me feel female. Having said that, there are days when I wish I could be more granola, less Gabor sister, and just get going in the morning, confident that a Colgate smile was sufficient to get out the door with confidence.
So last weekend, Kenny and I decided to spend the day cruising the valley, enjoying the hot weather in my convertible, maybe stopping for an outdoor lunch somewhere, and ultimately hitting a local winery later in the afternoon for a leisurely glass of Cabernet in the sunshine. Perfect.
I got up an hour before him and began my process. In the shower to shampoo and condition my hair (bleached within an inch of its life once every 2 weeks, conditioner keeps it attached to my head), then exfoliate every square inch of my body with a glove, sending unsuspecting dead skin cells screaming for their lives, and finally ending the shower with an all-over shower lotion in my favorite Chanel fragrance (leaves the bathroom smelling like an expensive french hoo-hoo house for hours afterwards, but it’s fabulous).
Out of the shower to apply matching hoo-hoo-house body lotion over entire body, followed by a layer of no-it’s-never-worked-but-hope-never-dies cellulite cream on my thighs, and light cuticle oil on toes to freshen last week’s pedicure. Then a drop or two Argan oil and some mousse to get my hair UP off my scalp (it’s baby fine, so without mousse, I look like a hairless cat).
The blow dryer is Kenny’s signal to wake up. He stretches and yawns loudly, then stumbles out of bed, takes a quick shower, brushes his teeth, runs wet hands through his hair, then tosses on jeans and a t-shirt before standing in my bathroom doorway asking, “So you ready yet?” (a question then repeated at 2-minutes intervals for the next 30 minutes. Yeah, that’s not annoying).
On to the face. Apply Retin-A to reduce years of sun damage, followed by never-miss-a-day-ever 30 SPF so there’s some hope of not looking like a worn Frye boot when I’m 60, and a collagen cream to plump up those fat little skin cells and diffuse (yes, temporarily) the midlife lines. A pea-size rub of decollete cream (I have no idea what this is for, but it’s French, so it must work), and lastly, a quick swipe of lash serum to help grow the lashes that insist on falling out every time I get stressed, leaving me regularly looking like a startled wombat, and we’re done. Spritz on a little fragrance, grab a pair of yoga pants (c’mon, it’s the weekend) and a t-shirt, and I’M READY.
As I grab my purse, Kenny looks at me and says, “Oh, you’re not wearing makeup? I can wait if you want.” Sigh. Back to the bathroom. I bet the nature babies drink all the good wine before we even get out the door.
I wish I could even try to go without makeup, but my skin is so pale that I look like a ghost or something. And I know my husband is the same way. Can use the bathroom and make himself pretty in less then 10 minutes. So damn annoying!!
Sorry Vikki. I am one of those U dilike. Everything in 2 bottles. A wash an go. I never wore make up as a teen an still don’t. Imagine selling makeup for a top lady an not wanting to wear it myself. I remember one time coming home from school after they did my face up pretty an my Dad saying U look like a clown. So all these yrs I have keep it simple. When I do put a face on. Little on the eyes. Cheeks an lips 5 minutes tops. As for U. U always look Beautiful. Beauty also comes from the inside. :)
I am one of those who really NEEDS to use more products but never remembers to put any of it on. I usually remember the Cetaphil on my face and Neutrogena on my bod, but the rest is iffy. And deodorant, I usually put that on too. The sad thing is, I pack the giant bag when I travel, I just don’t ever use any of it!
And people think I’m dead when I don’t wear makeup, which is most of the time… “It’s not a zombie, it’s just Sarah. Put some makeup on, woman!”
I’m usually a keep-it-simple girl, but lately I’ve been turning to more products. Sometimes I use the products to make myself feel better – a yummy lotion or scent to lift my mood or nail polish to add a pop of color. However, I also find myself turning to more products to soften wrinkles, lighten spots and cover. Ugh! Still, with 3 kids, I need to be super quick, so I can usually shower, blow dry my hair and do my make-up within 20 minutes.
I always wear makeup when I leave the house (except to exercise – I’m not that vain!). My husband thinks I look best without any makeup at all. I think he’s nuts.
Although I’m a guy, I’m the same boat as you! I have countless products because I hate oily skin and I use exfoliators to open up my skin. Unlike other men, it takes me at least 45 min to get ready for the day (even longer because of my health condition right now). I definitely know your pain about getting ready! And let’s not even go over clothes. :P
Oh WOW! That seems like a lot of work! I’ve never understood this mindset, even when my self-esteem was at rock bottom and I felt hideous, make-up and products never did it for me. Still don’t. I am a through-and-through nature baby. My beauty regime of a day pretty much stops at clean teeth and lip balm.
I guess feeling as though I’ll never look that good, so why bother, frees me up to spend more time asleep :)
My husband said one of the first things he fell in love with me about was the fact that I can get up, shower, dress and be ready within 10 minutes. Sometimes I wish I was more girly. Especially when I see photos :)
But on the upside, I get to drink all the wine while you girly girls are getting pretty!
I don’t wear make-up, unless you count tinted lip balm. For a special occasion, I’ll put mascara on my blonde lashes. I use cheap shampoo and don’t condition. On the other hand, I would never go out in yoga pants.
I use to be very au natural, but have found that as I have gotten older I like to do my makeup. Though I am not much into doing my hair, it’s long so I have the option to shower, and put it back/up which happens often. So I’m like halfway there with you. Nothing wrong with either way. Though I did like your hubs response when you came out – at least you tried!
Do we share the same DNA? And you forgot the teeth bleaching strips! Hahahaha
Kind of a middle of the road kind of gal, leaning toward girly-girl. I shower, shampoo and condition my hair, and use moisturizer and makeup (foundation w/sun screen, blush, mascara and a little lip liner) on my face every day. However, it seems like a really simple routine compared with yours!
I am like you. I went to the cottage and everyone made fun of me because I had 3 makeup bags full of “necessities” I have very acne prone skin so I have one bag for all my proactive stuff and cotton pads. I have one for make up to cover the acne and one for hair stuff. Plus clothes. I had way too much.
Go ahead, hate me because… well, I’m not a natural beauty, but I’m lazy as hell. Wash my face, put on moisturizer. The end, unless I am feeling ambitious, then I *might* put on some eyeliner.
When I am feeling super-girly, I’ll do eyeshadow and mascara.
I’ve had periods in my life where I tried the cellulite cream and the this cream and that. Do I look better with everything properly applied and shaded and blended? Yes. Do I have the skillz to do it without looking like I’ve got tryouts at Ringling Bros? No. I focus on keeping my smile bright, and my manner friendly, and peeps just have to accept that I *am* a nature girl-woman, and so far, everyone pretty much has.
Impressive!! I’m the person who occasionally forgets to brush her hair, so I’m afraid I’m the no-makeup camp though I don’t exactly have shiny, beautiful skin as a result! :D
Since I don’t have wash and wear or even lightly styled hair, what is a few more minutes with cosmetics!
A friend of mine who is going through cancer has a 2 hour beauty regime to present herself to look like she did prior to the disease. She chooses not to tell everyone including co-workers and being a devotee of all girly cosmetics she is up at the crack of the crack to get ready for work. You understand of course!
I’m a product junkie, too, although I have my routine down so I’m pretty fast. I let the curls air dry so that helps. But I’m still stuck on one of your first sentences – you are AN HOUR from Nordstroms? I can’t even imagine…
You better be kidding…right?
I just have my aveeno cream that i apply on my face after the shower and am set to go…lol
Not much of a makeup person…actually very lazy to work on myself.
I am sure you had a fantastic afternoon with your hubby :)
I have a friend who tries every product out there (I swear it’s a friend and not me, though I have my share of morning/nightly rituals) and she says it now takes her 45 minutes to get ready for bed…she has thinning hair so she does rogaine, she takes some “fountain of youth” pill recommended by Dr. Oz, she’s now also trying a pill that apparently gets rid of grey hair (yeah right) plus she has her skin care routine (on top of the botox and fillers she already gets) and so on…then she repeats the whole process in the morning…the maintenance just SOUNDS exhausting to me!
I am not really experienced with the process, though I should be. I would appear less pale and tired. My daughters are meticulous in their beautifying process, despite their youth. It seems, in our house, that preparation time is inversely proportional to how much one needs it.
My skin care routine is cleanse, tone, moisturize and lip balm. I had a skin analysis recently and the consultant recommended I start using an eye cream *eeek* sooo ladies, I need some help, what’s on the market that’s good?
It’s too late for me….
I don’t know if I look great… but I’m definitely way too lazy to do what you do, so I pretend that my quick shower and minimal make-up are enough.
Why, yes. I am single. Why do you ask?
Wow, that’s what I call high maintenance. And I moan about having to have a shave and clean my teeth in the mornings – at weekends I go the whole hog and use a mouth-wash!
Haha! Too funny! I too am a bit of a product junkie-the funny thing is, I hardly wear any of it! I look better natural, but I keep thinking “I need the nice-smelling face cream!”
Product junkie…that is hilarious! My mother was like that with bath products…you could honestly find an entire store worth in her shower!-Ashley
I’m not quite a product junkie, but I just spent several hours today getting a massage, an eyebrow tint and my highlights done. I feel fabulous.
LOVE your morning routine with your husband. And I so wish I had more time for reading your blog Vicki, always laughing when I visit. Okay – after washing and moisturising, bronzer, quick flash of eyeshadow, mascara and … out the door. DON’T HATE ME!! NOT a stunner, I just can’t be arsed and don’t have enough time. Besides, Dr Oz says all you need is a good moisturiser, anything else is just being sold to you for no reason. IT DOES NOTHING!! *sigh* Still going to use it all huh? Do you think Decollete is meant for your Decolletage?? (skin under your neck and above your boobs). Ah what the heck, keep putting it on your face :)
I try to go more granola and less gabor all the time. I typically fail. Never happy with the way I look. My bathroom time always seems to get longer and all I want to do is make it shorter. I loved this post!
Love it. You’re my mom. And me if I had a little bit more time. I applaud you for doing what you need to do to make you feel feminine and to enjoy life. I wrote something related to this over the weekend. If it gets published I’ll let you know, because you embody an attitude that I admire.
Me too. I’ve never been the same since I stopped coveting and actually bought – body butter. It makes my skin feel like – uh…butter. I’m kind of a lotion junkie. I have way more of it than I could ever slather on, but I can’t stop. Too many good scents out there. Oh, and lip balm. I have lip balm stashed everywhere. MAC cosmetics, nail polish…it’s all too good.
I spend 90% of my time on 10% of my body. I’m hooked on Philosophy, and it may not be helping, but it smells delicious and makes my skin feel wonderful.
You look like a hairless cat without your hair product? I look like afghan dog that stuck its tail in a light socket without mine.
I would love to be a natural beauty but that just wasn’t the hand I was dealt. I used to go to GREAT lengths to get ready but now, I’m all “to hell with it”. If I can get away with “doesn’t look like she was awakened by the smoke alarm and ran out the door”, then I’m good with it!
I don’t open my front door without makeup on but I have never used the ‘magic’ wrinkle creams.
I would pay dearly for them if they worked.
I am ABSOLUTELY a product gal and will not even go to daycare dropoff or yoga or the grocery store without showering, styling hair, and putting on several Estee Lauder products. Loved this!
This had me dying laughing and nodding my head the entire time. I hate that we go through all this. I’m one of those women who can pull off no make-up…but only if I want to look like Wednesday Addams or have every single person I meet that day ask me, “Are you ill?”
Cackled. That’s what I did reading this one. “Hope in a bottle” and “it’s French, so it must work” … LOVE it all!!
Oh, Vikki…your posts always get my day off to a fabulous start, and this one was no exception. I’m not as devoted to products as you are, but I admit to being very curious as to which Chanel hoo-hoo house scent you favour. I’m on the lookout for a new one.
OMGoodness…that was hilarious! I’m no natural beauty, but I am so glad I left my high-maintenance beauty routing back in the 90s. ;) Thx for starting my day off with a giggle! :)
This is one of my favorite pieces. You totally nailed this one! So many gems … hope in a jar … less Gabor sister. I LOVED THIS!
This only got worse for me with age, too! I’ve had people NOT RECOGNIZE me without makeup!
I take less time now than ever….and I probably need it more!
I love me some products too. They can put a man on the moon but they can’t make a cellulite cream that works?? Really?