So apparently studies show that a primary cause of marital stress is a couple’s inability to communicate. I’m not sure how much money was spent on this assuredly award-winning conclusion (which in no way threatens the first-place position of the red-wine-is-good-for-your-health study team, who takes home the gold EVERY YEAR, but it could come in second, especially if the could-you-win-the-lottery-and-still-be-happy research people drop out), but at our castle of wedded bliss, communication is clearly not an issue…
Me: Does this bra make my boobs look perkier?
Kenny: Perkier than what?
Me: Perkier than BEFORE.
Kenny: Before what?
Me: This is not a trick question. Yes or no.
Kenny: Yes. No. Maybe. I don’t think you should worry about it. You’re 56. You look like you’re supposed to look. And I think you look great no matter what your boobs look like.
Me: What a horrible, mean thing to say!!
Kenny (looking up): Dear Lord, the next time you create a woman, include cue cards.
AND LATER THAT SAME DAY…
Me: Are you working tomorrow?
Kenny: No. I’m working on the house renovations.
Me: But we’ve got bills to pay, you know. What about the day after?
Kenny: Yep. At the job site all day.
Me: But the house is so torn up, and there’s so much left to do. What about the weekend?
Kenny: Fine. Saturday on the job site, Sunday on the house.
Me: We never spend any time together anymore.
Kenny (mumbling down the hall): Not a jury in the world would convict me…
I HEARD THAT.
And there you go. Who says married couples can’t communicate?? So keep your grant money, research people, and use it to find a way to make chocolate-flavored celery. Now THAT would change the world.
Kenny will never learn will he!!!!
OMG I would donate lots of my money to chocolate flavored celery research. So. Much. Money.
It sounds like Carter and I when we “communicate.” Like, “I don’t want you to go because you know I want you to go. I want to you go because you want to go.” Le sigh.
Joy, but he keeps trying, bless his heart! Kate, LOVE the “I don’t want you to go…” line. What woman hasn’t said that?? :)
HAHAHHAHAHHA! I LOVE Kenny! Oh, but I love you too, Vikki! Keep it up, girlfriend :-)
Very funny and very true!
The answer my husband gives to the How do I look question is always the same:Fine.
Fine?! Doesn’t he know after 20+ years the acceptable answer is
You look breathtaking my precious darling, let’s stay in tonight and then proceed to seducing me right there and then? They need a cue card for that?? Geez!
Thanks, Marta! You’re such a fabulous cheerleader, my friend! And Rachael, I agree! FINE?? That’s what you say to “How’s the weather out there?”