Had a fabulous weekend with good friends, with lots of food, laughter, and of course, yummy wines. I got up this morning, and our normally fat and full wine rack looked positively forlorn. Kenny and I received a totally cool housewarming gift several years ago, in the shape of a 6′ tall, wrought iron wine rack, sculpted to look like an Italian waiter, with face (including moustache and beret), one arm on a hip and one arm uplifted, holding a towel, and curved legs with holes down each leg for bottles. One lonely bottle of unchilled white was all that remained down around his left knee. Something obviously needed to be done to plump Giuseppe back up.
We hopped in the car and headed for Safeway to pick out enough bottles to return Giuseppe to his pre-weekend state. (Fortunately, Safeway has an ongoing “Buy 6, Get 10% Off the Total” wine sale, which, while a tad embarrassing at 8:30 in the morning, is too good to pass up.) We loaded up the cart with our groceries, selected our wines, and headed for checkout. Since the wine sale carrier only held 6 bottles, and Giuseppe had 8 leg holes to fill, I had to juggle the 2 extra bottles and my oversize purse in my hands (yeah, you know what’s coming).
As I reached out to place the wine on the conveyor belt, the one under my arm started to slip. I tried to grab it, but my handbag swung forward and I only succeeded in letting go of BOTH of them, sending two full bottles of red wine crashing to the floor in slow motion, EXPLODING red wine and glass bottle pieces for several feet in every direction. Well, crap.
The chirpy young checkout girl immediately sent a loud shout-out over the loudspeaker, “CLEAN UP ON AISLE 5 CHECKOUT!!” followed by “AND BRING A MOP!” inevitably attracting quite a mirthful crowd, all pointing, laughing, and obviously delighted at the unexpected entertainment during their early morning shopping. The bag boy graciously ran to get me new bottles, while I stood, red-faced and mortified, repeating “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry” like a Buddhist mantra. When young Edwardo handed me my wine bottles, I looked around to find that Kenny had disappeared. WTH?? After searching every lit and staffed checkout counter, I finally found him at the other end of the store, checking out. As I placed the two bottles (ever so carefully) on the counter, the clerk asked, “Are you two together?” Kenny gave her his brightest “I’m sexy and, yeah, I’m single” smile and replied “I’ve never seen this woman before in my life.” Then HE LEFT.
Running out to the truck, I felt like a 3-year-old whose parents dropped her off at preschool, only to see her in the rear-view mirror, chasing their car down the street, yelling “WAIT FOR ME!”
There will be payback. Just you wait, Henry Higgens. Just you wait.