Working in women’s retail for 2+ decades, I’ve learned a lot about our gender. When men shop for clothes, they tend to hold the item in question up, give it a quick, cursory glance, and grunt “Looks good. I’ll take it.” 3 older brothers, 2 dads, and a couple of husbands, and I’ve yet to see any of them take anything into an actual dressing room to try it on, much less come out and model it, wanting to know if it “made their bellies look bigger.”
Over the years, I’ve watched hundreds of women go in and out of dressing rooms, arms full of possible choices, and I’ve yet to hear, ever, a woman come out, look in the mirror, and say, “Damn, I look hot in this dress.” Regardless of how beautiful she is, there’s always some flaw in her reflection. Butt too big (the all-time classic), legs too short, neck too long, knees too baggy (yes, I actually heard this one), thighs too flabby, or skin too pale.
The Holy Grail of self-esteem is our size. Too high, and drop-dead gorgeous doesn’t matter, because we’re “fat.” Ah, but low numbers? We’re THIN, damnit (especially if we’re 40+ and it’s still a single digit), so bring on those skinny jeans cause we be smokin’. For some reason, we tend to cling to our size like it defines us. Unfortunately, women who can wear high school sizes often wear high school styles, bringing up the retail adage “Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.” After a certain age, low rise jeans, leopard print miniskirts, and midriff-baring t-shirts, even if they fit, wail “Look how hot I USED TO BE.” (If you’re unsure, 40 is pushing it. 50? These need to be donated to your babysitter. Now.)
With all this in mind, I recently received a fun invite to a Las Vegas theme party, and since my collection of date dresses has given way, over the years, to yoga pants from Target and t-shirts from miscellaneous stores ending in the word “Mart,” a friend at work offered to loan me a few dresses from her closet. Without thinking (and not wanting to buy a new dress for one party), I responded with a grateful sigh and a thank you. What I should have done was smack myself up ‘long side the head as a reminder that I could have given birth to her and still not have been a child bride. The next day, she hands me a small lunch sack containing 3 glittery, strappy little party dresses (okay, 3 dresses in a bag the size of a Skittles wrapper should have been my first clue) that were my size, but her age.
Home last night, hiding in the bathroom to try them on, when Kenny walks in, takes one look and, between bouts of apparently uncontrollable guffaws, exclaims “Wow! Where are you going to wear THOSE??” I snapped back that I was considering one of them for the party, and asked what he thought. As he frantically searched his mental landmine of possible responses where he’d still be married tomorrow, he finally blurted out, “Don’t you have one of those shawl things you can wear over it?” Yeah, since nothing screams “middle aged and not loving it” quite like hot dress under a grandma poncho. I’m returning the dresses today.
Maybe I’ll just bedazzle my jeans.
LOVE!
Shopping with my girls this week, I said at one point … if you have to ask if it is a top or a dress – it is a top.
HAHA!! I agree! I am 5′ 9″ so I usually wear every dress as a shirt!
You know I am 35 on my way to 36 in a few short months and am a size 2, but had to hear Kevin tell me I shouldn’t be wearing writing on my butt with sweatpants. Men are anything but gracious or tactful. I say duct tape works wonders!!
I’m laughing my way to the shower. I’m 64 and could wear my granddaughter’s clothes. So, the other day, we go into a shop for tween girls and my daughter say…Mom, you are not buying anything from in here! Which I didn’t.
Haha, baggy knees. Do yourself a favor and Google “baby face knees.”
I always struggled with junior-ish clothes, even when I was junior-ish, due to my large boobs and ample butt – even at my smallest I was curvy, and those Esprit clothes were the holy grail that I could never quite reach. There’s nothing that is less attractive than women wearing clothes meant for much younger girls, no matter how great that woman’s body might be. There are so many beautiful things that are age-appropriate and don’t involve halter tops and thigh-high skirts.
Ok. Full disclosure. I’m not a size 8 anymore- and I still look pretty good.
What… Grandma ponchos are hot! Everyone is crocheting them… :)
There’s a saying that at fifty most women would kill to have back the body they hated at thirty.
Yep, few things as pathetic as mutton dressed like lamb.
Thanks for the laughs.
I recently modeled a dress for my husband and all 3 of my boys because we were on vacation and I had this burning desire to shop, which was nuts because I had the whole family in tow. I tried on this dress that was shorter in the back than the front and for some reason all the men in my life convinced me to buy it, probably b/c they just wanted to get the hell out of there….I’m going to a bar mitzvah in a few weeks which is where I plan to wear it. I know I better try it on again because something tells me those mirrors in vacationland were telling one big lie and the dress is likely wildly inappropriate to wear in a synagogue. Talk about flushing money down the drain…
First time reader and I loved up and signed up for more!
I used to work in Manhattan where I knew what was in style, and my dress size was not in double digits. I loved shopping for clothes with my girlfriends, especially because we went out a lot after work for dinner or night clubs (yes, like The Red Parrot! It was a fun time to be single..) Now living out in the suburbs, being 54 with my size firmly planted in double digits. I NEVER know what to wear. I don’t read up on styles and my closet runs the gamut of shoulder pads and sweats to recently purchased Chico’s So Slims. I have 2 occasions coming up this summer, and I hate my legs, arms and butt and menopausal belly. Self-esteem was never my strong point. I need a personal shopper and personal trainer! Any takers? Great post.
I can’t stand the fashions that make the 30+ feel like they have to dress like a teenager. You know I have a lot to say on this – EAT MORE ICE CREAM! LOL
I loved the whole post, but what really got me was the title. I only recently went clothes shopping and loved the 10 so much that I bought it in a 12, too, for days when I felt like I wanted to eat/drink more. I’m not even kidding!!
Hahaha! And you are so right, men NEVER angst over whether or not they look good in something. It needs to fit and be comfortable. That’s it. End of story! UGH!! –The Dose Girls
I have a friend that is in her mid-50s and dresses like she’s in her mid-20s. She is always trying to get me to show the bellybutton (hello, I’ve had gastric bypass – forget stretchmarks from babies, stretchmarks from being a former whale are legendary!), and the cleavage. I might be turning 45 this year, but I’m comfy dressing like an uptight Amish spinster. ;)
The only thing worse than those who do just because they can is those who do when they clearly can not. Awesome post!
Women over 40 know how to wear (party, clubbing, wedding), clothes better than the young girls because they know to wear the appropriate under garments. Recently at a wedding the entire bridal party were in strapless and from very short to just over the knee dresses. The Mother of the bride and Mother of the groom and 2 bridesmaids were not tugging up their tops or pulling down their skirts after every move because they had on under garments and the right ones so no wardrobe malfunction!
I have a lot of those “Mart” t-shirts, too – and your post here just gave me some ideas on how to update my wardrobe & maybe look more attractive. Think I’ll bedazzle my sweatpants and cut the sleeves off my Mart shirt and slice the neck down to my cleavage … and then top off the whole look with a shawl. :)
Ok I admit at 66 yrs of age I can still fit into jeans I wore in 1966(yes I still have clothes from that era!)! However I also have 2 drawers of jeans ranging from size 6-12! between gaining & losing weight, you never know, that style will come back! I love clothes, just hate going shopping for them! So having 2 dressers, a full closet(hanging & shelved) I’m prepared for anything! When my daughter got married last summer, my 2 daughters took me shopping for an appropiate dress & thank gawd they did because I would have come home empty-handed!
Kenny, Kenny, Kenny…. I’ll say no more!
I’m all for age-appropriate too. It’s too hard to fit into something perfectly, then get depressed because you know you’re about ten years too old for it.
I am 64 and dress in sweats, jeans, slacks…dresses for weddings or funerals or some other occasion are usually from the closet. Why? Because if it fits, doesn’t show much of anything that no one wants to see, I already bought it in three colors and will wear it until it falls apart at the seams.
Fashion is not high on my list of needs these days and ya know, the sizes in my closet are from 10 to 12 and I don’t care one bit what size it is, as long as it doesn’t pinch or hang.
Some things about getting older are really good and this is one of them.
I couldn’t agree more with “just because you can, doesn’t mean you should”. Truer words, my friend!
I go for what looks good and feels good.. sizes vary now days. And, as for dressing like I’m 30 not 50+ how silly…..
Haha! Hilarious. I don’t know a single person I can borrow clothing from and the sizes in my closet range all over the place. In response to your fb question, I definitely buy for “fit” not size– that’s the quickest way to have your booty hanging out like Snooki.
May I borrow your poncho as I think it will go well with my leopard print, bare midriff, spaghetti strap HAWT little number. I just ended a week wherein I did not have a zipper happening the entire time. Hello workout capris and spandex. Good-bye style and taste.