My son was deployed for a year to Iraq with the National Guard, and anticipating my daily maternal meltdowns at HOW FAR AWAY he would for the next year (sob!), he set me up on Skype before he left so we could video chat with each other from time to time. Notwithstanding that it’s not like NCIS on TV, where the video and audio are crystal clear and totally synced as if the person is standing in the room with you (It’s a little grainy, with a definite time delay on the speech), I did get to see his beautiful smile and hear those magic words, “Hi, Mom,” every few weeks.
Whenever Jake’s Skype call would come in, my computer would emit a tinkling sound, like a tiny bell. Since there’s a significant time difference between Oregon and Iraq, this often happened in the middle of the night. If I missed the call, it might be days or weeks before another one came, so I developed ears like a mama fruit bat for that sound. I could hear it from any room of the house, any time of the day.
One hot, sticky summer night, I was lying in bed, when I heard the much-anticipated bell sound from down the hall. I bolted out of bed and raced down the hall to click the bright green “Answer Call” icon on my screen. Jake’s smiling face popped up, and then I immediately heard, “OH MY GOD, MOM!!! Are you NAKED?!?” I looked down and realized, to my horror, I was wearing Kenny’s boxers and nothing else.
I immediately dove to the floor, taking out the chair on my way down, to crawl on two knees and one hand over to Kenny’s closet for a t-shirt, while frantically waving my other arm up in front of the computer, yelling “Wait! Wait! Don’t hang up!!” I could hear raucous laughter from the background, as Jake’s Army buddies figured out what was going on. Jake was shouting “Mom! MOM!! Click the ‘AUDIO ONLY’ button! It’s on your left! AUDIO ONLY!!” “No, wait! I’m here! DON’T HANG UP!” I kept yelling until I finally grabbed an oversize t-shirt to pull over my head, and scrambled up off the floor to get back in front of the computer, suitably attired to video chat with one’s offspring.
Jake looked at me and said, dryly, “You realize that when I get back and anyone asks me what was the most traumatic thing I saw over here, I’m going to have to say ‘MY MOTHER.'”
Apparently you’re never too old to scar your kids for life.
Vikki, this was seriously too damn funny for words and something I would probably do to my kids some day (even though they are girls). Thanks for sharing this and for the laugh this morning!!
I swear to God, I just BURST out laughing reading this!! Oh my God, BEST story ever! I am dying! This is AWESOME.
So funny!! It’s very difficult, when you have adjusted your life to living without children, to “live” with them again. I can totally relate. When my son is home on school breaks the bathroom/bedroom doors are closed much more often.
That totally sounds like something that would happen to me. Maybe it’s a good thing my Skype doesn’t work right! :-D Thank you for sharing your embarrassing moments with the world!
Hahaha! So darn funny! That seriously is the funniest thing I’ve read in quite some time. How very traumatic—for you both! Love the unique chuckles you offer here. Too, too funny! Thank you.
Hahaha – this might be one of the funniest stories I’ve read in a long time. That was brilliant! Thank you!
HAHAHA. OMG. Another “I almost died laughing” story. Haha. Boxers, huh? You’re freaking hilarious!
Ha, ha…too funny!
This was so funny. How mortifying. For both of you! :)
Ha – another laugh out loud post! But I can completely understand your sense of urgency to get to that Skype call…at least Jake and his buddies had a good laugh too.:)
You are my idol and I adore you.
Too funny! But I know how you’re feeling :>)
This post was both funny and sad. Sad only because I can imagine how worried and anxious you were with your son in Iraq. Funny because that visual is a hoot!
THAT is hilarious! These kids don’t realize just how desperate we are to hear a word from them. I’m going to giggle over this all day.
OMG, I wasn’t sure I would recover from the hilarious picture in order to properly focus on your post, but I’m glad I did, because it was priceless!
oh my gosh…I can imagine the frantic over your face and the mindless expression on your son’s…lol
Vickki…you are so darn funny and I love to visit you with your unique blogs.
Happy New Year!!
Seriously the first belly laugh of the day! Thank you, Vikki. From Jake’s comment, I can see the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Love it.
He’s a stronger man now, maybe. Thanks for another big laugh! Top notch comedy, here.
Oh no! Too funny!
Too funny! SYPKE is great but sometimes audio is best. The reason is bandwidth. That’s my answer so I don’t have to look good or in your case dressed!
Tears… face hurts… Absolutely hilarious!!!
Haha, sounds just like something my mom would do. Thanks for the chuckle. :)
I should NEVER have taken that big swig of wine before I sat down to read this! Hope you have a good stain remedy lol
Absofreakinglutely Hilarious!
I would take this traumatic moment over any other he could (maybe) see.
This made me laugh and cry happy tears. :)
OMG! That is too funny! I totally laughed out loud! Poor kid;)
Oh my goodness Vicki, you had me laughing out loud. And your son apparently has your sense of humor!
OMG, I am DYING! Hilarious and thanks for sharing! Loved it so much I had to share it on Twitter and my Facebook page too! Awesomesauce.
Jess, Love your site too! Voted for your blog and shared a post on Twitter! Are you on Twitter?
Vikki,
This was too funny…I especially liked your son’s note on your fifty shades darker book, which, btw, I am reading right now! Ooh la la! Keep on boggin!
This is sooooo funny. I don’t even know you and I want to be your best friend!!!!
“Apparently you’re never too old to scar your kids for life.”
Words to live by! Thanks for the great post.
Vikki, I bow to your hilarious awesomeness. OMG, you are brilliant. This was by far the funniest thing I’ve read in TWO years (2012 and 2013). :) Yes, you need to write a book so I can buy it. :)
First post of yours I’ve ever had the chance to read, and oh my goodness, tears running down my face. Awesome. Especially, I’m sure, to you in retrospect…
This was so funny… I almost died laughing… I love the way you write.
Oh my word, I needed that laugh tonight! Thank you. I will be laughing all night.
Could not stop laughing at the visual – both your panic and his shock. Fantastic!
Hilarious!! Love this story…love your son’s comment!
BA HA HAHA HA! Oh Vikki man you’re funny. So like a thing I could do. I sleep naked, if I’m ever woken in the night I’ll always deal with whatever wakes me FIRST (crying child, neighbours loud music, intruder at my back door once) and AFTER I’ve dealt with whatever I’ll check and be like “oh ya, I’m nekked!” :-) Good job your son said, you might have found out next day when your Skype call went viral!
Oh my gosh. First of all, look at your comments girlfriend?! Second of all, hilarious!!!!
Absolutely priceless.
Funniest thing EVER. Especially his comment at the end about what his most traumatic experience would be. Thanks for making my day! (and for linking up with the #MTMmixer :) )
Vikki, this is ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!!! Too funny! The perfect story. Love it!
oh man, this made me laugh out loud! Especially your son’s comment at the end :)
BAM! Scarred for life. Lol.
Thank you for linking this one up and still one of my favorites!!!
You had me shaking with laughter for a long time – and I wasn’t allowed to be laughing ‘cos I was nursing and trying to keep the baby asleep! Awesome story – I would totally do something like that. I pulled the hubs away from his Master’s thesis especially to read your story!! FUNNY! And your comic timing is brilliant!
Oh wow. You gave those boys something to really treasure and remember!!!! Except your son of course! Oh that was a good laugh!!
Oh my! That is too funny! Great post!
This is why I don’t have Skype. My friend in the Cayman Islands keeps harassing me to get it, but I want to be able to talk to her without having to put on clothes and brush my hair. That’s how I roll these days.
And that picture at the top is hilarious!! I’m obsessed with the Fifty Shades trilogy and always have one of the books nearby. Fortunately my kids have no idea what I’m reading and my husband appreciates what he’s gotten out of me reading them, so he keeps his mouth shut.
This is just as funny the second time around. LMAO!
OMG, I have no words, I’m laughing too hard! At least you can laugh about it!
This was great!!! You poor thing! I think you both are scared for life! LOL!
Thanks for linking up this week!!!
OMG, I read this a while back and got side-tracked and didn’t leave a comment. This is one of the funniest things I have EVER read on someone’s blog. Hilarious. I’m glad you chose to share it. Now if you’ll exuse me, I’d like to get to know you better. :)
LMAO I can relate! I have burned the retinas of my children and scarred their fragile psyche’s. I can’t begin to tell you how many times I have been “alone” in the house only to find out that one of the kids has come home and brought ppl along. More than 3 of my kids friends have seen me in my underwear.
Hilarious!
Great Post! I hopped out of the bathtub to video my kittens first reaction to seeing her reflection in the mirror, forgetting about the fact that I was holding a video camera wet and naked in front of the mirror, laughing hysterically at the cat. Needless to say, that video never made it to facebook ;)
Oh my goodness. This is soooo something I would do. I have this irrational fear that somehow my iPad will turn on and I will broadcast something horribly embarrassing on Facebook. LOL.
Thank you for linking up to Raising Imperfection!
Make sure to check back on Friday to see if you were featured.
Leslie
That is freaking hysterical! This is one for the books for sure!
Thank you for linking to Raising Imperfection.
Please come back Friday to see if you were featured. :)
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hahaha this cracked me up. My husband is a Marine, and I’m the same way, any sound of my phone, or especially skype, and I dash accross the house. Although sometimes I wake to false alarms in the middle of the night. Although I have never done it naked…
Something to look forward to I guess…
you’re hilarious. Glad I found you.
Absolutely hilarious!!!! Loved it!
I just LOVED this story!! Thankfully, you didn’t hit your head on the desk as you were trying to come up off the floor. That would have added injury to the insult. Thanks to your son for serving our country and thanks to you for giving him something to laugh about when times get tough!
Oh that is absolutely fantastic!! Just think, the service you did to all his buddies – they will get a LOT of mileage out of this one!
This may be the best mom/son story ever!
LOL and Hahahahaha! just don’t convey how hard I was laughing at this. Fortunately, it sounds like your son has a wicked sense of humor, too.
hilarious! I love his line about the most traumatic thing I saw over here was my MOM!
Oh, your poor son. But his trauma is our laugh for the day!
Great story – at least you gave his buddies something to talk about with a smile!
I’ve never done THAT, thank goodness, maybe it was seeing the horror on my dogs and cats faces when they’ve seen me naked that cured me of any free spiriting around the house!
Hahaha!! Oh man! I could see you dropping to the floor and taking out that chair. nice job, soldier. hahaha!!
Hysterical! Thanks for the laugh! I’ve read about 10 of your pieces today and just had to subscribe. It’s my dream to make other people laugh, but you’re one of the first bloggers to really make ME laugh! LOVE your sense of humor!
So Funny! I can so relate with two sons of my own. Thanks for your post.
Too funny!
I love that you and your son are so close. Someday you’ll both be laughing about this (but will take more time for him, I suspect). And I’m certain his comrades in arms are abusing the shit out of him about this and will continue to do so until his tour is over. When he is older and wiser, he’ll appreciate the “wild” stories he can tell his kids about their grandma, LOL.