Decided it was time to get my 50+ (Okay, FINE. 56) -year-old body back into shape and so, in an obvious moment of self-delusion, ordered the P90X Extreme Workout DVD Kit. Guaranteed to give you rock hard everything in 90 fun-filled workouts! Anxiously await my 12 DVDs, plus Nutrition Guide and “Workout Success” wall chart to map out my ever-ripping muscles over the course of 3 months. WOO HOO!
The first DVD was one of those silly Preliminary Fitness Tests that you never bother with in your 20s, offered in lieu of a doctor’s visit to make sure you’re in good enough shape to do the workouts. (Uh, duh… Of COURSE I’m not in that kind of shape. That’s why I bought the kit. Kind of missing the point here, salespeople…) Rolling my eyes, but determined to do this “by the book,” I stuck in the disc.
20 minutes later, I’m on the floor in a jumble of tangled limbs and sweat, staring at a big red flashing screen that essentially states: “Do Not Continue This Program. You Will Die. Go Sit in the Corner, Have a Doughnut and a Diet Coke, then List This Kit on ebay. Remember to Include the Nutrition Guide You Obviously Never Intended to Read and the Ill-named Success Chart, and Maybe You Can Get Your Money Back.”
Middle age sucks…