Boobs, hooters, melons, muchachas, sisters, or the girls. One website claims to list over 250 nicknames for the female breasts. We dress them with lace for date night. We smush them into immobility with a spandex sports bra to go for a run. We search endlessly for the perfect fit that holds the team up there […]
Finding the Funny with Guest Blogger Kimberly Dalferes
The Twins Are Not Identical By Kim Dalferes I’ve been lamenting for a while about my girls, my breasts, the twins. As I’ve reached Club Fifty status they seem to be in a race to see which can reach my knees first (righty is currently in the lead, but lefty is not far behind). No […]
Nice to Meet You. Now Get Your Hand Off my Boob
I love to shop. And shopping as in “real life,” not online. I like to touch the fabrics, try the clothes on, and search for matching pieces when I find something I love. In real-life shopping, you’re surrounded by beautiful displays, larger-than-life glossy photographs, and endless options, often providing more effective relief from stress than therapy or, surprisingly, […]
It’s After 10 p.m. Do You Know What the Grownups Are Doing?
Up past my usual 8:30 bedtime one night and, like a 3-year-old who gets to stay up late with the big people, I thought I’d check out what goes on in cyberspace after 10:00. Five minutes online, and struck gold.
Apparently there’s a new facebook app called the “Social Media Sobriety Test,” designed to help prevent regrettable, late-night, drunken posts to spouses (“Babe, SO sorry I slept with your sister. I was drunk and thought she was you”), employers (“Didn’t like my presentation, jackass?? I QUIT”), ex-lovers (“Pleeeez take me back. Sob. I’m just a pathetic loser without you”), friends (“Seriously, dude, you REALLY don’t know your wife is sleeping with your best friend?? Everyone else does”), or family members (“Yeah, you just THINK mom loves you best. She gave me a thousand bucks for my birthday last year. What did she give YOU?”)
Once installed, whenever you try to post after 10 p.m., it automatically opens a quick test (you have to type in the alphabet BACKWARDS, which I can’t do sober, so yeah, I’m screwed). If you fail, you can’t log in. But just to make sure the entire universe knows your every move, it then UPDATES YOUR STATUS to say “(Your name) can’t post tonight because he/she is intoxicated.” Awesome. (At this point, if you’re at a bar and any of your facebook friends are local police officers, I wouldn’t try to drive home, since you just publicly outed your current condition. “Yeah, I’m drunk, and yep, I’m driving home now.”) So this amazing app saves relationships and jobs, AND reduces DUI convictions. And best of all, it’s FREE!
But since I’m a social media junkie (show me a blogger who isn’t, and I’ll show you a writer that writes to hear herself speak), I had to pass on anything that threatens to kick me offline, so I moved on to late-night shopping. Settling in with a glass of wine (since I’m neither posting on facebook or driving), I booted up a search for something fun and girly to buy. Having more luck than I usually experience with lottery tickets or blackjack, I quickly struck gold for the second time that night. Up popped a photo, with accompanying link, to the BOSOM MAX.
Pink (of course), frilly, and cut down to there
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