Boobs, hooters, melons, muchachas, sisters, or the girls. One website claims to list over 250 nicknames for the female breasts. We dress them with lace for date night. We smush them into immobility with a spandex sports bra to go for a run. We search endlessly for the perfect fit that holds the team up there […]
The Big Girl Panties Society. Rules for Membership
The first time I heard someone say “Put on your big girl panties and deal with it,” I burst out laughing and spit my wine across my computer keyboard. My mind had an instant visual of a middle-aged woman sword fighting in nothing but her underwear. My brain goes places others’ don’t. I decided then and there to […]
30 Things You Might Not Know About Your Wife
Since the dawn of time, men have complained that women are hard to understand. During my lifetime, I’ve had two dads, three older brothers, and three husbands, and every single one of them claims that women are, essentially, unexplainable. We’re secretive and moody, and no matter how hard our men try to truly know us, we remain […]
I Auditioned to Be a Spanx Model. It’s Been Six Months and They Haven’t Called
In Gone With the Wind, they were called “corsets.” Our mothers called them “girdles.” Our generation knows them as “Spanx.” Tiny pieces of tight spandex designed to lift, tighten, squish, shove, and compress evidence of our age, our expired gym memberships from 2007, and our post-menopausal passion for Girl Scout Thin Mints and red wine […]
Finding the Funny with Guest Blogger Kimberly Dalferes
The Twins Are Not Identical By Kim Dalferes I’ve been lamenting for a while about my girls, my breasts, the twins. As I’ve reached Club Fifty status they seem to be in a race to see which can reach my knees first (righty is currently in the lead, but lefty is not far behind). No […]
Doctor, Can You Give Me a Lift?
When I was in my late 40s, I decided to get my breasts lifted. I didn’t want them bigger. Just higher. Back up where the good Lord put them before gravity and age began to coax them closer to my naval than my clavicles. There’s just something about looking in the mirror every morning to […]
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