Invisible. Matronly. Indifferent to her looks (and to sex). Old. That’s what we’re led to believe by a society obsessed with youth. At a time in our lives when many women say they have more energy, a greater sex drive, and more common sense and empathy than during any other decade, we struggle against a […]
They Said, “You Can Never be Too Rich or Too Thin.” They Lied
I was in middle school when I began to be aware of my weight. In hindsight, looking at photos, I realize now that I should have worn the bikini. By virtue of my youth, I looked great. But at the time, my awareness was limited to how tiny and thin the other, uber popular girls were. The […]
My Scale Mocks Me. She Needs to Die
I have a confession to make. No, it’s not my unwavering love of all things red and winey. And it’s not my 20-year, auto-renewed subscription to Star magazine. Or even that when I get stressed, Lucky Charms is my go-to comfort food. For all three meals. So here it is: I am a weigh-in addict. I […]
Marriage and Dieting. Sometimes It’s a Team Sport
Hubs and I have been married for 16 years. Over that time, he habitually tells everyone he meets that he’s learned a lot about women in those years. Apparently, his first two wives weren’t what he calls girly-girls, so he came into our relationship with only a rudimentary understanding of the term “high maintenance.” Hubs […]
Things I Fail At. Every. Single. Time.
I was watching The Voice recently, and I found myself imagining what life would be like for someone with that kind of talent. These people were amazing, and I imagined that the world must be like a nonstop birthday party for the lucky few that could belt out a heart-wrenching rendition of “Endless Love” and turn it into a […]
Shopping for Your Wife? How Not to Screw it Up
Hubs and I were sitting at a local winery with a group of friends, when I overheard one of the men comment that he needed to buy his wife a birthday present and he was stressed out because he had no idea what to get her. I didn’t hear Hubs’ response, so I asked him about it on the drive home. […]
Trying to Lose Weight? 12 Stupidest Weight Loss Tips Ever
Recently I saw a television interview with a self-proclaimed money expert who said that if you want to get rich , you should start a religion or discover a new diet. Apparently a great majority of Americans are spiritually confused or fat. Notwithstanding the fact that we live in a culture where a size 12 […]
What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Thinner
Those of you who have been reading my blog for the last few months (Bless you. Your share of my lottery winnings are in the mail) know that I love Hollywood. It’s fun, silly, and just weird enough to make me feel normal. A recent issue of Star Magazine (yes, I subscribe…don’t judge), featured an […]
Food Diary, My Butt. That’s a Paper Trail
Researching my weight loss program options for 2013, in yet another enthusiastic but short-lived attempt to lose the same 10 pounds I’ve been working on since 1974, I did a quick review of previous epic fails. 1. Jenny Craig. Tastes great, but portioned for a small gerbil. Jenny’s Fish & Chips dinner entree would be […]
Diet Brownies? I’ll Take a Dozen, Please
Kenny and I thought we were looking at bit, well…married, so we decided to go on a diet together. Loosely translated, this means he cuts back on chip dip and knocks off a quick 10 pounds, while I’m down the hall charting the pros and cons of various weight-loss options and why they NEVER WORK. […]
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