I recently overheard a conversation between two gorgeous 20-somethings, all toned bodies, porcelain skin, mile-high legs, butts you could bounce a quarter off of, and boobs still up where God originally put them. One held up her wine glass, making a toast, and declared, “I don’t believe in plastic surgery. I’m going to age naturally.” […]
He’s 89? Yeah, He Wants Me
Enjoying a recent happy hour with a girlfriend, when she looked at me with a big grin and pointed to a table across the room, where she spotted a man looking at me with obvious interest. I turned around, and the first table I noticed was occupied by four young 30-somethings. As I was flashing them my brightest I-know-I-could-be-your-mother-but-I’m-not smile, she burst […]
I’ve Decided to Toss My Scale. Right After I Weigh In
You know that weight that you’ve deemed your personal “fat weight”? The one that’s the highest acceptable number on the scale before you panic and throw out every carbohydrate in your kitchen (possibly getting perilously close to dumping out all your wine), vowing to stop eating crap, get healthy, and lose this damn weight, starting […]
A 57-Year Journey. Let’s Recap What We’ve Learned So Far
I’m writing this on my birthday, September 11th. Today I turned 57 years old. I’m feeling a little “Yikes!” but also a little “Yay!” The publishing world is full of books, articles, and blogs on the frustrations and seemingly inevitable downfalls of aging. Whether we look at it from a humorous perspective or something to […]
50. How Not to Make it the New 75
It seems like I’m constantly stumbling across references to “The New 50.” “50 is the new 40” articles and posters crop up online and on Facebook seemingly by the minute, assuring us to whom it matters that we may be 50-something, but we can look 40-something. Not as easy as it sounds. For many of […]
Need New Jeans? Welcome to Shopping Hell
Stop the first 10 middle-age women you meet on the street and ask them to name their least favorite item to shop for and 8 of them will say “swimsuits.” Bikinis aside (since most boomers haven’t even tried one on since 1989), even one-piece suits have a way of outing your last dozen dieting failures […]
And That’s Why Parents Invented the Stork Story
“Grandma, are you Daddy’s Mom?” I looked down at my 6-year-old grandson’s beautiful eyes staring up at me, his little brow slightly furrowed as he tried to get his family tree sorted out in his mind. “Yes,” I smiled, while silently praying “Dear God, please, don’t let this question go any further.” But God was […]
It’s Swimsuit Season. Pass the Milk Duds
Enjoying the warmer temperatures and anticipating upcoming spring weather, I took a look at my all-black closet and decided to go do some spring shopping for a little color. My plans took a slight shift when Kenny announced he’d like to join me, but then I envisioned a few new purchases, with a stop for […]
Walmart…A Christmas Story
Making my list of holiday needs (groceries, personal care items, cleaning supplies), and realize, to my horror, that it’s going to require a trip to the local Walmart. In December. Historically, I try to avoid Walmart between Thanksgiving and New Year’s. Hot, crowded, filled with glassy-eyed moms and their over-sugared offspring screaming “Mommy, mommy, mommmeee!!” […]
Dear eHarmony, Have You Seen My Wife?
I love dealing with small-town banks. The staff knows you and they know your spending habits, so when something seems a little off, they call you up and ask what’s going on. Quite frankly, it’s easier to hide “unauthorized spending” from your spouse than from Cindy Lou at your local credit union. HE may never […]
Closet full of clothes, but nothing to wear? Grab my FREE "Ninja Closet Cleaning Course (what to toss, what to keep)," and find out how to love your clothes again.